Okay so I'm really considering private school. I'm torn because as I said before my DH is anti-religion so parochial schools he's been a hard no. He wouldn't even consider it. Now. Maybe.
But even then I'm not sure. Our kiddos are 2nd and 4th grade. What would the costs be? The closest secular traditional private school is $37,900 not including extra fees. So let's say $40,000/year per kid $80,000 for 2. Parochial school will cost us $28,430 for 2 kids.
I believe we might be too late for the fall unfortunately. So assuming we apply in the fall for Fall 2021 is what will be most likely.
First off if we save that money $80,000/year for the 7 years and $40k/year for 2 more years is $640,000. I'm not sure that's feasible. Maybe if we moved into a cheaper neighborhood. Honestly I'm struggling over the price.
Second the parochial school will cost us $227, 400 until my DK2 graduates from high school. That too is a lot of money.
I don't know. I mean I think for $14,000 a year I can pay a tutor 52 weeks $26/hr for 10 hours a week. Is it more worth it than paying for private school? Or should we look at paying at least parochial school tuition?
Right now we hired a tutor to help and it appears to be working. I sit and watch the tutor and help the kids. I also help with all the math. Interestingly my older one is motivated to do work faster but lazy. She'll get anywhere from 40%-80% right because she does it all in her head and then just put down an answer. Today I am making her sit down and repeat every single question she got wrong. By the 3rd one she admitted that if she had bothered to get a pencil and paper she could have done it. aahhhh.
Viewing the 'kids' Category
Okay so I'm really considering private school. I'm torn because as I said before my DH is anti-religion so parochial schools he's been a hard no. He wouldn't even consider it. Now. Maybe.
Great ideas and thank you for the comments last post. I want to say ML is a good guy. He's very easy going and a lot of stuff I do because I want to do it. He never tells me what to cook, clean, or anything. He doesn't care. He says I don't care and you do it. Which is how I end up doing it. To him we can live in a mess, dirty, etc. He said don't stress out it's fine. Even the kids are fine. He literally was on a call during lunch came upstairs with phone and headphones and then ate the leftover noodles and curry and rice all thrown together and went back to work. Same with last night I had a mishmash of other leftovers he just ate kissed my cheek and said thank you for lunch.
The kiddos I don't know it's mostly my 2nd grader who has a lot of problems focusing and so if I don't sit with her she tends to not do any work. And we take a lot of breaks usually not more than a 45 minute "work" then break. My older one is fine but we've had a lot of IT issues with not having any touchscreens to work with. So everyday I was trying different computers, different browsers, etc. Then 4 weeks ago? DH just bought her a surface pro for $1200 and said here forget the daily complaining I was doing. I also got a computer because I was also have IT issues. And this week with the lost work we are now 4 weeks behind on the Dk1 writing narrative and the deletion of pages happened this morning. I was on hold with IT for the school district another hour.
I probably should lower my expectations. DH told me today get the cleaner (who is now able to come in) in weekly. Order out more and deliver groceries. He said "i told you to stop. Let it all go. I don't want to do it. I don't expect you to do it. Just let it all go."
He's the fun guy. Last weekend while I worked he cleaned with the kids. His cleaning for all day? They sorted legos and reorganized the bins, set up the sets they built, and made a list of pieces missing that I had to order. The kids just make a mess and then he and they don't bother cleaning because whose going to see it? No one. No one has seen our house since march 8th.
That's the problem. The house is as clean as one partner cares. DH doesn't care if the toilets, shower, sheets aren't done. He never tells me anything. He never complains and says you should do anything. As long as the kids are happy and do something, we have food (including takeout) he's happy. He just doesn't see any messes or problems. The kids help me unload the dishwasher and put away their own laundry but their rooms are messy.
So I did tell DH and kids to do more. But I got ideas for how to not do more but do less. Don't room parent, don't lead girl scout troop, etc. DH was like you do too many things and expect everything perfect. It's fine. We can eat out, deliver groceries, and get help. He said he's enjoying watching tv and playing video games (he created a roblox and minecraft world and server for our kids and all their friends) with kids 6-9 pm and usually works most nights 9-12 pm after they get ready for bed.
So yes I do feel guilty. I feel like I need to work harder at cleaning and doing everything because DH will sit and work more. He loves his job. He does work weekends. He will pull out his phone and constantly answer messages and emails because of it. I've driven on vacation and DH has worked in the passenger seat while I've driven to where we were going. He's worked in our airport lounges while we are waiting. So i feel this pressure to do everything else. How can I watch him work and sit there doing nothing?
But I'm thinking I'm going to forgive myself and stop worrying my kids are going to be way behind everyone else. That they may need to repeat 2 and 4th grades because by september they'll have forgotten everything.
So I'm going to tell you what it's like being a parent trying to work even part-time and have kids at home who aren't able to self-sufficiently do work on their own. My kids are in 2nd and 4th grade. I have to sit with them and do their work. I have to troubleshoot any problems. I have to help my 2nd grader with a pretty in depth schedule because she has a lot of anxiety.
My 4th grader is independent learner but this week has started off poorly and we had a problem with OneNote. She lost all her previous work and everything she was building for her writing narrative for the past month. I spent about 4 hours this morning trying to figure it out until Lunch. I then called the tech support and they started a ticket. This is after another hour sitting together looking through everywhere we thought it could be, going through help, etc. So now we have to start again.
Then I made lunch. Then I helped her record her band video for upload to flipgrid. In between I snuck in reading a couple of pages of SA and now this blog at 3:30 before they have class at 4-6 pm. During that time I need to get dinner ready and then tonight after dinner at around 7 pm I might be able to finally squeeze in work. I might do it now and feed everyone something lazy like leftovers.
I also spent time this morning walking/feeding dog, organizing and scanning in kid and our docs, and pulling my docs and reading my work email. I also made a couple of calls to pay some bills while I washed dishes, folded some laundry, and cleaned up after the weekend (i took a break sunday.....well it was mother's day...).
But seriously that's how it is, whether you work full or part-time. The person with the crappier pay/job pulls more weight at home. They do the cleaning, cooking, kid stuff, grocery shopping, etc. I've felt it more during this pandemic than ever. My DH has commented that I do a lot more than him and he says "I don't feel like I"m being productive enough at work. I need to work at night. Lunch and dinner and breakfast he eats and runs to work downstairs and says sorry can't clean." Unless I'm desperately needing him to really be with kids, which usually I try to shop before 9 am, he is busy. I get it.
Yes working at home there is no commute. But it's harder to focus. Harder to be efficient. There is more pressure to produce because you want to stand out and not be called out that you are "child rearing" intsead of producing.
But then what? It leaves the second parent in a difficult place. I speak from experience. My job is important for my mental health. I like it. I like stimulation. But at the same time it doesn't pay the bills, have health care, etc. So I am the one doing grunt work more. Maybe my DH should pull his weight at home more.
I mean I do everything. I don't mean like those stay at home mom's whose husbands pay bills and manage finances. I do all that. I do the insurance, will, investments, talking to banks, trip planning, etc. My DH doesn't care nor does he really mind. He signs on the line and I even order and pick up food and even if he has to pick up food "on the way home from work...I'd have better paid and order it for him so he stops and does nothing else."
Us at SA whether you are male or female we need to be the OCD alphas when it comes to finances. So it's something that just happens.
But I wonder do others with kids and lower second incomes or no income feel the same? Do you feel like you do more than your half the work? Has it gotten worse during the pandemic? Do you do more work because the primary "breadwinner" feels pressured to work more? Are they pressured to work more?
I think it would great if we were both home without our kids. But this insanity of trying to homeschool but to the school's specifications is horrific. Maybe if I had my own curriculum then it would be less stressful and I could relax. Or if the kids were fully self sufficient. Or if the kids were super small and not needing any schooling that would work. Then it would be physically exhausting.
What do you think?
My DK1 turned 10 this weekend. I posted a photo on FB and called it my lost decade. I can't remember what happened. LOL. But truthfully I don't know what happened. I swear I was just carrying the baby carrier and walking the dog and suddenly my 10 year old was running away to her party and I was standing on the sidelines hoping to be invited to play. It's breathlessly stunning. I'm sure some of the other bloggers reading are blinking back tears like I am going what happened? I see more grey in my DH's hair last night as well. I'm very grey but I don't feel a decade older. I desperately want life to slow down but I feel like it's only moving faster. The first year I felt like every day was in slow motion and I was moving through a sleep deprived trance. I don't know what happened except I have photos to prove it. But now I blink and the school year is half gone and I have a kid in double digits.
Anyway I just wanted to share something important to me and my feelings. I wonder how much longer will she humor me and have a party? How much longer till she says give me cash to buy what I want. I swear I could feel her thinking about it. How much longer do I have until she's done? Some of throwing the party was to chat with other parents and just enjoy her having fun. Part of it is me not ready to let go. To do the "sleepover", fancy dinner for 3-4 others, movie out, a grown up party if you can call it that. She's been invited out for stuff like that and I guess I'm not ready.
I watch also as she peruses the adult menu as we go out to eat. Her shoe size is almost an adult and she's so tall. Soon she won't be a "child" but teen and then adult.
I know it's coming because I watch the money I've been saving for her grow but it's seemed surreal. It was meant to grow but I hadn't thought about it growing as she was growing.
There was this movie called "10 things I hate about you," and the dad tells the main character a senior in high school "you don't need me. I've been benched for years. Your sister still lets me play a few innings. But when you go away I won't even be able to watch the game."
I sort of felt like that watching the birthday party. Next post about how much I've been spending this month....oh the shame.
I forgot to post this about a month ago. We ended up at small claims court with the private school my DK2 went to. She had been bullied at school and we had been constantly talked with the principal/owner and teachers. They had refused to return our money and finally in June with 2 months, the other child bite my DK2 and scratched her on the face. I pulled her out and kept her home with me asap. I couldn't let her go back. We had prepaid the tuition for a year so we "lost" out on $2500 for 2 months July and August. I had asked the boy and her be separated classrooms and they refused. I had multiple emails since december asking for solutions.
Turns out I did everything right and they breached the contract by not coming up with a reasonable solution. So they are being forced to refund us our money. We had offered many options but school refused to do any of the suggestions. I think a lot had to do with the boy being the son of one of school's teachers. Whatever.
I have to admit it was a good day. I sat there and didn't explode when the principal/owner called my child a bully, on the spectrum, problem child, unaware of social etiquette. It was horrible. I did not use the word bully at all in the court and I said there were these situation x, y, z. And I had photos and proof by both email and letter from other child apologizing for incidents. I honestly didn't hold the child/parents responsible I never talked with them. I held the school for not doing anything.
It's been almost a month and they haven't paid me. I'm not surprised. The principal/owner was so pissed she was spitting nails. I can also now after getting my money post about her losing in court on social media my review of the school. I'm just waiting.
It just came up because her month grace period to pay me is almost up. I have to admit I savor the win because it means I didn't overreact, nor did I do something completely irrational. Nor did I do anything that was helicopter parenting.
What to do with money? I think DK 1 and 2 deserve extra money saved for them.
DK1 $36k College
$1k cash in bank savings accounts
Dk2 $27k college
$1k cash in bank savings accounts
Gosh if I had that much saved for me when I was growing up I can't imagine how much further ahead I'd be right now. LOL.
Anyway though it isn't the $2600 but rather how much the school/owner pissed me off. She told me kids will be kids. That there is nothing that could be done. That it's expecting too much. That I'm being completely unreasonable. That I signed a contract and she never gave back money to anyone. I'd have to just suck it up. And then to later sit there and call my child names in court and talk about her being the problem. To claim she's special needs and that she had been a problem from day 1. Not true and we had progress reports scanned in showing she was a model child and good socially. To suddenly misbehaving and instigating all the incidents.
Really? My kid asked to for her jacket hood to be pulled so she fell at recess backwards? She asked to be teased? She asked to be scratched on the face? She asked for glitter to be poured on her lunch? She asked for her hand to be bitten? She asked to be pushed down on the playground? I get the little boy was 4 turning 5 and younger than her by a few months. But then he shouldn't have been in kindergarten he should still have been in Pre-K where he belonged based on the state age requirements for school.
I'm hoping this principal just pays me in the next week and I don't have to figure out how to collect my money. I'd rather not waste my time. But out of principal I will...
So I feel like I have grown a lot with many of the people on the board. My life has gotten significantly different and changed and I'm thrilled to have read about your lives as well. It's amazing to see people's lives and know that though we haven't meet I feel like I've been given a front row seats to important events in your lives. Anyone who reads this certainly has been given a front row seat to my life. Anyway thanks CCF. I have read about your girls since 2006ish and I cannot believe you have one ready to graduate college. It brings a tear to my eyes. Disneysteve I recall reading about the planning in his daughters baht mitzvah and now she's a young adult working. It's been quite a ride. Monkeymama had two small monkeys who are rather large now! I've read many of you getting married, moving, divorced, and joys and sadness. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Things have changed a lot for me. 10 years ago I was 8 months pregnant and eagerly awaiting the birth of my first child a girl. DK1 was born end of January but was due end of February. I was about to defend my thesis but had been mommy brained and lazy. I finished my thesis and defended in June of 2010 (yeah me!). Notice my biggest thrill this decade was becoming a mom? Anyway having a child changed my DH and I a lot. We lost 1 income and still haven't gone back to 2 full time incomes 10 years later. We added a second child in 2012, moved cross country, changed careers (both of us to entirely different fields), and didn't work or have income for an entire year! 8/2015-8/2016. OMG!!! If we had we'd likely be further ahead but we wouldn't be as happy as we are now. Something I tell people, we took a sabbatical in the the middle of our life rather than retiring a year early.
LAL Roth IRA - $21,820
DH Roth IRA - $74,170
DH 401 - $100,378
Total - $196,398
Taxable Assets excluding home - $5k
DH has just finished his MBA which we cash flowed and he had NO LOANS. We spent $85k on this MBA. Our Net Worth was $201k. We took out a loan in 6/2010 to buy a subaru outback. And I think at that time we probably had $200k in home equity. We had maxed out the IRA and 401k since 2006 for $98,500 contributions and had $100k in gains.
LAL IRA - $146,988 ($78k contributed)
DH IRA - $346,776 ($78k contibuted but some rolled over and paid taxes from old 401k)
DH 401k - $542,361 ($258,500 contributions from 2006)
Total - $1,036,129
Taxable accounts - ~$422k. So about $1.4m not counting home equity. So increase of $1.2M in net worth not counting home equity. Not bad for 9 years of savings and spending $100k that year for living. $60k living, $20k DH's course, and $20k for moving and expenses. It was crazy that we managed to break even 2015 and 2016 with investment income and savings from DH starting a new job.
2020 goal hit $600k in taxable accounts. I think in about 5 years we will hit $1m. I'm still on the fence with buying an investment property. Still looking.
Happy to read about everyone else! Have a wonderful 2020. I am soon celebrating DK1 10th birthday and I don't know where the time went. How can I be 40?
I certainly didn't expect my life to take these turns!
DK got lots of small toys from my parents. They also got gifts from a few other relatives So they were good. From us? 3 stocking stuff toys each between $8-12. Pikmi pop, curlylocks, and LOL ball. Then they had the build a bear I get them every year $75/each, Lego Advent $30, and a big toy from Santa $20 (shopkins) and $20 gift from us (shopkins and calico critter) and weirdly socks and blanket. That does not include the cirque du soliel show tonight or any other activities we've done. I guess with everything I've spent $300 or so on each kid. Which is a lot considering it didn't seem like a lot of gifts. Of course it wasn't things but show and building a stupid bear was ridiculous. I did get the $75 bear for 40% off buying the gift cards from costco at $60 for $100. I forgot the mani-pedi for each $15.
Anyway I'm hoping to teach the kids appreciation. It's so hard when you have so much. When I have more time I'll write my thoughts on the kids paying their way and rant on retirement.
What did you spend on the holiday? I did spend more than that with my parents, eating out, the show, etc.
So I run a Girl Scout troop and we are hosting friends and neighbors this weekend Saturday friends and Sunday Neighbors. I told my troop NO GIFTS. No Secret Santa. I didn't want to.
Then our friends and neighbors asked me the same thing and I shrieked again NO gifts. Not for me or the kids.
I recall in college my roommate and friends I looked them in the eye and said I don't want to do gifts. I have no money and I don't like it. So we ate dinner together and ENJOYED each other's company.
5 years ago we moved and the kids got a tree and we stopped going to hawaii. As of next year I think we are going back to flying to hawaii. UGH. That means gifts for the family. Right now I don't do it. I send gift cards and a card.
5 years ago I got the kids 5 gifts including a lego advent which I did again and Christmas pajamas. This year I did lego advent but no pajamas. I'm debating doing it. I got them 1 santa gift, 2 gifts from DH and stocking stuffers.
This year I picked up a blanket for DK 2 and DK1 got a book. I don't know I'm buying more.
I know I feel like a scrooge but seriously! I think my kids get a lot from my parents. I give them a couple of gifts and my siblings and BIL give them gifts UGGGHH (did I mention I send gift cards to my neices and nephews). Enough. I peaked at one of the gifts was a decorate your water bottle. Another was make your own jewelery. I don't want crap.
A friend said do me do I really have no presents under the tree? I said yes. And if anyone coming over has a gift for us I'm didn't buy them one. I am done. I don't' want to.
I started at 18 years old and I haven't changed. When I first had my kids with other friends I did the same thing. NO GIFTS.
Am I really that weird? Now it's not about the money But I honestly hate even shopping for teachers. I just shove a gift card and I make cookies or a pie.
Have you changed? This is in response to laura and her new traditions. I feel more like a scrooge but I haven't changed in 20+ years. I kind of like no gifts.
FWIW DH is going heli skiing and we are taking a ski trip over new years. We are also seeing cirque du soliel with my parents and we are doing an overnight at a fancy hotel I paid for. Plus we are going out to eat and hosting 3 christmas get together.
I don't feel like I'm cheaping out. I feel like I'm doing stuff that I enjoy rather than buy gifts. I admit that I buy what I want when I want it always. But that's not why I don't shop for Christmas. I just don't need more clothes and I already stress about the toys the kids have.