My uncle was told today that the cancer spread to his chest, back, and lymph nodes.  Not surprising since when we were last there a couple weeks ago he had trouble getting up and moving.  When I saw him I thought to myself he's not going to last much longer.  Well the Dr said chemotherapy might help but unsure.  

My mom really wants to go in and just talk to him in person.  He called her and told her he was afraid.  Afraid of dying yet in pain.  My mom I know is very sad and afraid of being alone.  My dad is slipping away in a different manner.  His bad days outweigh his good.  He is getting more confused. 

My uncle is 74 and fully cognizant.  He understand what is happening.  When my uncle passes I'm sure my aunt whom he's been married to for 53 years will pass soon after.  She also is not well.  And my mom will be alone with my dad.  While my aunt and uncle haven't been physically helping my mom, they have been emotionally there for her these past months just listening and letting her vent or have something to do (cooking and dropping meals for them as she cooks solo).  Unfortunately they both are unable to cook anymore.  They've always been there for her from teaching her about her first checking/savings account.  To offering money so she could get divorced and not work a second job because I needed her.  To hand me down in clothing and baby goods (probably why I was a tomboy!)  

I know that she wants a few moments to sit and chat reminisce and just be.  Unfortunately my dad is not able to do that.  So she can drive by and drop food and go to the door for a minute while my dad sits in the car.  

I thought when I booked my tickets last month that going back a month later wouldn't be worth it.  I wasn't sure but I felt like I hadn't had enough time with my mom.   And now I know I was right.  She has tried a new caregiver, the last one got sick right before I came.  She managed to hire someone today and tried them out.  It didn't go well.  

But I am pushing for her not to stop.  To keep trying to have the person come and maybe my dad will accept and be used too.  The truth is she needs help now.  This is a short term thing.  Caring for the caregiver is sometimes just as important as the patient.  My mom thinks I'm coming to help with my dad.  Truth is that my dad is slowly slipping away unable to recognize even me.  He doesn't recognize the kids or their names.  But she needs us more than he does.

Hugs to all caregivers out there.  Realize that you are appreciated and that there are others hoping to help you.  Take it.

So I haven't posted in two months I realized looking. I also haven't been online much.  April was busy and I ended the month visiting my parents for the first weekend of May.  I got back on the 8th and then everything in the month went off the rails.

My DH got into a scooter accident which they called a motorcycle accident.  I was calling him around 6 pm one night to confirm he was picking up our second child.  Some random person answered (note if you keep calling like 6 times in a row anyone holding the phone can swipe and answer), and said "your husband was in an accident". I was like WTF.  Where are you? I immediately went to my location finder and couldn't see his dot.  But he was about a mile from home and when I got there he was on a stretcher, on a board, with a neck brace, unconscious being loaded into the ambulance.  Yes the cops let you through when you say that's your husband.

It took a long time in the ER with everything and he had a lot of injuries.  The EMTs, Dr, Cops, all told me he was seriously lucky to be wearing a helmet it saved his life.  He had a concussion, orbital bone fracture, cut on his head, broken ribs, internal bleeding (which did end up stopping without surgery fortunately), and tons of scrapes, cuts, and scratches.  Luckily he was wearing jeans and jacket although everything was torn up, cut off, and he had gone over the scooter and off and was unconscious when a random person found him and called 911.  No there were no cameras and the cops do think it was a hit and run.

He and I were very fortunate and thankful of everything.   He's recovering slowly and things have been crazy caring fo him, the kids, the dog.  I am very lucky my BIL flew in the next day to help me with the kids for the weekend and I had a lot of friend carpooling the kids.  

Though he's supposed to be not working my DH of course is already back at work.  He can't help himself. The Dr said to take off at least three weeks and it's been only 3 weeks.  Did he go back part time?  Nope.  I mean of course the neurologist said I guess asking you to work 20-25 hours is ridiculous when my DH admitted to working 80-90 hours on average before.

Personally I had a lot of my own work slide and just trying to be on top of paying bills and shopping and cooking and driving and everything has gotten away from me.  We ate out and had delivery for about 2 weeks. I returned the scooter within days of the accident i was so pissed.  My DH holds this against me but I couldn't help myself.

Honestly I'm just hoping to right my ship and get back on track with everything.  I cancelled our trip this summer to WDW.  Yeah he'll be healed but really he shouldn't be going on rides with a concussion healing still.  No idea how long it'll take.  He's been exahusted and sleeps immediately after dinner.  And I can tell it's taking a lot out of him to do anything.  

So here's hoping June is better. I am barely hanging on to remembering everything for the kids, him, and me.  I also got our dog neutered two weeks ago as well.  Usually it'd be harder but since our dog needed to be crated and not walked his usual 5 miles it's been really helpful to give me extra time.

And I finally got on with insurance and figured out we should be paying a max OOP of $1500.  Well guess this year we are really using our insurance.  We also turns out were fortunate we didn't get on a HDHP.

I went to the dentist on Thursday my 3x/year cleaning.  I have very weak teeth and I'm a grinder.  Anyway I've worn nightguards since high school and I've broken multiple ones.  The currently I have an NTI and a regular traditional nightguard.  I can tell the difference wearing the NTI style nightguard.  Anyway my jaw joint if you can imagine is worn to nothing because of my clenching and grinding. I also probably this year started having some pain in my jaw area.

So much so that you recall I thought my TMJ was killing me but it was an abcess tooth?  That ended up with a root canal and a crown.  So when I was there for that and my other cleaning my dentist and I discuss potentially using botox in my jaw to relax my super tense muscles.

She doesn't do it herself but my other neighbor also a dentist does.  So she fit me in and gave me a deal of $10/unit and gave me 30 units of botox on each side of my jaw muscle.  I tried calling to the university nearby for their pain management unit so perhaps it would be covered by insurance.  But I couldn't get an appointment.  So I decided what the heck? 

I'll try it and if it works I'll really try to get in with the pain management company.  Also I submitted it to my insurance and I figure worse case scenario is it's rejected, well I already paid 100% out of pocket it was worth a few minutes of time.

I hope that I don't get hooked on this feeling and yes I can feel my jaw more relaxed actually.  Because my neighbor dentist who did it told me she has a lot of clients who come in regularly every 3 months for their shot. It happens very regularly because you get used to the relaxed muscles.  

I know this sounds ridiculous to get botox and spend so much.  But it's a trial.  Let's see how it feels in 3 months. 

So My dental bill as you know was like $4k. I paid $500 on a credit card because as I was walking out they said you need to pay $500.  I was like well shouldn't we wait for the bill?  They said no.   They said they would refund me if I overpaid but it would take months to sort it out so they wanted a deposit.  I have no idea if this normal but what choice do I really have right?

So now I saw that for one of the days (I went 2 days for the root canal) my responsibility is $86.05.  I'm not sure what the other portion is but I'm wondering will I see my money?  Do I call and say I saw that half of the bill settled?  Do I keep waiting until I see the other half of the bill settled?  Why is the later day settled but not the first day?  

EOB is

Billed $1532

Negotiated $671.51

Paid $774.44

responsibility $86.05

Um okay.  So now what?

As a side note my younger child got braces and I paid $3k this time OOP because she only needs the top braces 1st round.  My older child had upper, lower, and frontal headgear (not normal) and I paid $6k.  I don't know if this is the norm but seriously no I shopped around to 3 people and all were the same price.  Even better is the lack of orthodontia coverage.

Anyway I kept the headgear just in case that tiny piece of equipment was $1500 alone.  They told me to keep it and maybe I could reuse it or my DK might need it.  What can you do?

Last year our insurance paid out $25239 for March to December.  Our portion?  $1081.95.  Not bad.  Our premium for the March to December was $2581.40 for medical and $244.90 for dental.  I don't know what the megacorp paid for the first two months except they paid $5041 DD box 12.  So I don't recall what we paid.

Tomorrow an update on my car insurance and accident.  

So I was in terrible pain this week from Sunday. I thought it was TMJ.  I thought my jaw was aching or teething from grinding. I thought my nightguard wasn't helping.  But I also thought well I have my semi-annual cleaning on Wednesday so there wasn't a point in going in early. 

Wrong.  Omg i was taking meds like crazy it was so painful.  Yes I had called the dental office and because of what I told them and what I thought, they said okay come in wednesday morning for your appointment.  KWIM? 

Well I was dying. I couldn't open my mouth.  I called actually thursday afternoon and was like cleaning was not happening but I needed to see the dentist. I couldn't open my mouth for a cleaning and I was worried the TMJ was really bad.  They said come in and let's see what we could do. I was planning on getting botox for my jaw.  This is a real thing. You get botox every so often and it kills your jaw so if you grind it's not so painful.  I am still planning on getting it but apparently it wasn't the problem.

Nope I had a really bad tooth infection and I needed a root canal stat.  So stat that the dentist numbed me up and sent me on my way to the endodontist.  Of course this is me "is the endodontist in network?"  Dentist " I don't know and could ask but do you really care?"  LAL "uh your right." I had popped a codeine and darvocet the night before and was high as a kite and needing such strong pain meds and coudn't open my mouth who was I to really argue when I managed to get an appointment in a couple hours to help relieve the pain?

So off I went and never thought I'd write how wonderful a root canal felt.  But it seriously felt amazing. It was a raging infection. So bad they couldn't close it ip.  I am on antibiotics and letting it drain and heal till Monday since it was so sensitive that when the endodontist tried to close it was screaming. I was also in so much pain from the infection it was really hard to numb me up.  He just couldn't do it without knocking me out basically.  So there was some downside.

Besides the fact I found out it was $2100 for my root canal.  Ask me what I'm going to pay?  I don't know but right now I have a hard time caring now that I'm feeling so much better.  I probably will regret it later but for now I'm sitting happily in one piece able to eat something.  I will say this is something that is so annoying with the american medical and dental system.  You never know what you are going to pay.  Nothing is clear cut or makes sense!

So I was in terrible pain this week from Sunday. I thought it was TMJ.  I thought my jaw was aching or teething from grinding. I thought my nightguard wasn't helping.  But I also thought well I have my semi-annual cleaning on Wednesday so there wasn't a point in going in early. 

Wrong.  Omg i was taking meds like crazy it was so painful.  Yes I had called the dental office and because of what I told them and what I thought, they said okay come in wednesday morning for your appointment.  KWIM? 

Well I was dying. I couldn't open my mouth.  I called actually thursday afternoon and was like cleaning was not happening but I needed to see the dentist. I couldn't open my mouth for a cleaning and I was worried the TMJ was really bad.  They said come in and let's see what we could do. I was planning on getting botox for my jaw.  This is a real thing. You get botox every so often and it kills your jaw so if you grind it's not so painful.  I am still planning on getting it but apparently it wasn't the problem.

Nope I had a really bad tooth infection and I needed a root canal stat.  So stat that the dentist numbed me up and sent me on my way to the endodontist.  Of course this is me "is the endodontist in network?"  Dentist " I don't know and could ask but do you really care?"  LAL "uh your right." I had popped a codeine and darvocet the night before and was high as a kite and needing such strong pain meds and coudn't open my mouth who was I to really argue when I managed to get an appointment in a couple hours to help relieve the pain?

So off I went and never thought I'd write how wonderful a root canal felt.  But it seriously felt amazing. It was a raging infection. So bad they couldn't close it ip.  I am on antibiotics and letting it drain and heal till Monday since it was so sensitive that when the endodontist tried to close it was screaming. I was also in so much pain from the infection it was really hard to numb me up.  He just couldn't do it without knocking me out basically.  So there was some downside.

Besides the fact I found out it was $2100 for my root canal.  Ask me what I'm going to pay?  I don't know but right now I have a hard time caring now that I'm feeling so much better.  I probably will regret it later but for now I'm sitting happily in one piece able to eat something.  I will say this is something that is so annoying with the american medical and dental system.  You never know what you are going to pay.  Nothing is clear cut or makes sense!

The cases of omicron covid have obviously been rapidly spreading.  There is no more contact tracing.  And so many people are over it. They don't care.  They may have it but they don't care if they test or spread it around. It's an interesting dichotomy now.

People who are vaccinated just think whatever.  Sure let's go out and transmit it.  I don't want to change my life.  But what happened to the common good?  When you were sick before were you running around trying to spread the cold?  I swear all people are getting very rude.  I almost feel like people are more angry than before.  It's a weird thing.  

And people who are vaccinated are terrified as well.  Obviously because it's hard to avoid. I have to wonder people who don't care if they are spreading it, why won't you just stay at home?  Why won't you test and admit you have covid?  What's the problem?  It's not different than having had the flu.  So stay home and chill.

But instead it feels more like people are annoyed at covid.  Annoyed at each other.  Vaccinated people blame unvaccinated. And now they feel like they can behave the same.  I wonder what happened to realizing that sometimes what's best for society is best for everyone?  Like not spreading germs.

DH and I got vaccines today.  Pfizer the 1st dose.  We were not eligible but we waited and we got extra doses.  The mass vaccine site this morning had 700+ unclaimed appointments today. So I was calling from 6 am to see what they would say.  I called multiple times and was told first no walk ups.  To well we have a standby list we call.  To well we have standby but we can't guarantee anything.   You just come and show up.  So then I decide that since there are so many "appointments/vaccines" what the hell? Sure it's an hour to drive there but I leave before nine and I get in line and wait.  Well turns out that when I'm in line they hand me a paper and say you are good to go.  I say great.  Can I have a second paper and make an appointment for my DH?  They say sure here's a paper. I do it and then make his appointment and then make it the same time as mine and then "reschedule" his appointment for him to make it later.

It's been happening to a lot of my friends.  Last week it seems like the supply went exponentially up and people aren't taking appointments.  So then last week my friend drove to a mass vaccine site and took her 18 year old senior daughter and when they got there they asked if she wanted it for her daughter?  She was like I don't even have her id.  They called her son at home and had him take a photo and wham they got a shot and instant appointment for an 18 year old!  She was like what?  She's the one who convinced me to stalk out getting a vaccine at these drive up mass sites.

Another friend and her husband have been randomly calling in the mornings and on friday they both got shots at the end of the day.  They had "cancellations" or something.  Basically the rollout and "waitlists" and getting people approved by phases is a load of crock.  No one i know who is "qualified" got an approval email.  Instead they just moved forward and got appointments.  Some are still in qualified "tiers" but waiting for email that has never arrived.  

So I felt guilty for a little awhile but then decided shots in arms?  Who knows?  But I'm going to say I said I wasn't qualified for it but they gave it to me anyway.  Technically we did qualify as "caregivers of a special needs child" and I qualified as an essential worker.  All my coworkers have gotten it.  But I haven't left the house so I didn't bother and figured someone else who needs it more.  Well I feel like we've hit this point where they are going to be wasting vaccines soon if they don't open up more tiers.