My DK1 turned 10 this weekend. I posted a photo on FB and called it my lost decade. I can't remember what happened. LOL. But truthfully I don't know what happened. I swear I was just carrying the baby carrier and walking the dog and suddenly my 10 year old was running away to her party and I was standing on the sidelines hoping to be invited to play. It's breathlessly stunning. I'm sure some of the other bloggers reading are blinking back tears like I am going what happened? I see more grey in my DH's hair last night as well. I'm very grey but I don't feel a decade older. I desperately want life to slow down but I feel like it's only moving faster. The first year I felt like every day was in slow motion and I was moving through a sleep deprived trance. I don't know what happened except I have photos to prove it. But now I blink and the school year is half gone and I have a kid in double digits.
Anyway I just wanted to share something important to me and my feelings. I wonder how much longer will she humor me and have a party? How much longer till she says give me cash to buy what I want. I swear I could feel her thinking about it. How much longer do I have until she's done? Some of throwing the party was to chat with other parents and just enjoy her having fun. Part of it is me not ready to let go. To do the "sleepover", fancy dinner for 3-4 others, movie out, a grown up party if you can call it that. She's been invited out for stuff like that and I guess I'm not ready.
I watch also as she peruses the adult menu as we go out to eat. Her shoe size is almost an adult and she's so tall. Soon she won't be a "child" but teen and then adult.
I know it's coming because I watch the money I've been saving for her grow but it's seemed surreal. It was meant to grow but I hadn't thought about it growing as she was growing.
There was this movie called "10 things I hate about you," and the dad tells the main character a senior in high school "you don't need me. I've been benched for years. Your sister still lets me play a few innings. But when you go away I won't even be able to watch the game."
I sort of felt like that watching the birthday party. Next post about how much I've been spending this month....oh the shame.
stop growing older...
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