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Archive for February, 2024

the transition stage

February 27th, 2024 at 09:51 pm

I apologize in advance for writing about death.  Please skip if you do not want to hear. 

So yesterday the hospice nurse came and put my dad on transition.  That means she said he has another 10-14 days.  She wasn't quite sure he was there since he's doing quite "well".  He's definitely starting the decline, but death is something hard to predict.  Also things can take a turn for the worse quickly and he could go into "imminent" death.  I decided I'm going home today for a few days to wrap up stuff and then come back.  I am debating buying my ticket Sunday night or Monday.  Fortunately my aunt decided to come sit with my mom or the weekend Friday to Sunday so she won't be alone. I also told my mom that if my dad stops eating completely, which is it eating if it's mush?  Then I'll turn around and come back because it will be imminent.  The hospice nurse is coming now three days a week, she only allowed them once a week.

It's also hard because my mom can't decide what she wants to do.  She wants to do nothing I think.  But then that's her speaking in the now.  The now being while he's alive and she says she wants nothing.  But after is that how she will really feel?  Also maybe because it's a small town there is one mortuary in town.  And they often take 3-4 weeks to get the body ready or cremated.  It's just the nature of the town.  So I know my mom says she wants nothing but then when pushed she's like "oh I guess a few family and friends."  Then when I tell her the truth that I won't be bringing the kids back during the school year for a weekend, she gets upset.  But the reality is that if she does want to do something before the summer then it'll be too difficult for them to come for 2-3 days.  I'll come like I do now for a couple of days, but otherwise we will do our normal summer trip.  We will not be coming for Christmas or February break since we already booked a trip at that time.  I will likely sneak a trip back to see my grandmother after the summer but it'll be short and just me.  

Something I've learned that during these times the amount of money spent is finite.  The end game happens and it doesn't matter afterwards because the person is gone.  The help you get is amazing.  I am thankful to all the wonderful friends who have supported me and helped with carpooling.  The clients and friends who accomodated their schedule to allow for flexible work.  And of course my DH.  Trying his best to manage everything and holding donwn the fort.  I hope he doesn't die trying.

thoughts on death

February 24th, 2024 at 08:22 am

I am writing this as I came home for the weekend to see my parents.  I have a feeling this could be it for my dad.  I've certainly felt this way since we left on NYD.  I picked this weekend because it was the first we had free and I usually have been timing my visits about 8 weeks apart.  

I flew in today and the current plan is to fly out Tuesday on the red eye home.  But my gut is telling me my dad was waiting for me to come say good and tell him okay I'm here to support my mom you can go.  Last night my mom says he told her he's going to die soon, in his minute of lucidity.  He has dementia and is rarely awake. I've been here the afternoon and he's only opened his mouth to eat, I fed him, but he didn't open his eyes and he didn't say my name.

I didn't want to tell my friends or husband why I thought I was coming because it sounds really stupid to be able to predict death.  I read the hospice book gone from my sight and I can definitely see changes.  But it's strange how my dad has been able to hang on.  It seems unreal to be honest.  To be surviving this barely eating, barely awake but still here, mostly in a comatose state.  But seeing him makes me wonder does he last another 2 months like this?  I can't understand how but it doesn't appear like he's fading very fast.

I'll see if I change my tickets.  

Car Update

February 22nd, 2024 at 06:00 pm

So I posted in the forums about our current problem with our car situation.  That our car was considered a total loss but it's driveable.  We punted the decision in December about buying a new car and then a week ago we got the news we now had to make another decision.

If we salvage the car we get $15,400.  We buy the car from the insurance company it is $11,300 back so around $4k to purchase our car.  The issue is the inspection and problems we could face with the state with a salvaged titled car.  We aren't sure what we want to do.  

Mostly because our plan had been to buy a new car in 2 years when DK1 starts driving.  At that time we were definitely looking at an EV.  We really didn't want to pay to upgrade our house to charge an EV at home.  We also didn't want to  spend the money and get ride of a really good car a 2016 Subaru Legacy that we both felt would be perfect for our kids to drive as a first car.  My DK1 will have a license 🤯in January 2026.  She'll be taking classes permit at 15 in January 2025.  So as far as cars goes we did not want to carry 3 cars unnecessarily but it wasn't necessarily smart to get rid of it.

But as I wrote the commercial building where DH worked caused the damage.  The commercial grade garage door opener came down on a timer.  And the camers were "conveniently" not working and the sensor too likely.  So they were unable to get footage of the accident.  

So interestingly today we were told if they pay and we don't make a claim on our insurance we might just get the car repaired and instead of salvaging the car.  And we could keep the car indefinitely. I mean theoretically it would be great to have the car through 2 high school kid drivers to 2030.  Then DK1 would be a junior in college and potentially need a car and it can go to her for the last two years.  And then DK2 could take it for Junior/Senior year at college and if it could last another 10 years to 2034 well that would be ideal.

Yes it's not electric.  It will cost to maintain.  But i mean if it lasted 18 years that would be a huge savings for kids who do not need a new car.

So let's see what happens.