Something my DH and I are going back and forth with. Can money ruin kids? Will giving our children money or gifting them say free college, potentially a car, house down payment, or even a trust fund?
I get that if you have tons of money that it's okay. You can afford it. You can afford to do something without impacting your own future. That perhaps you are doing it to avoid future taxes. But should you? I asked that question because I hate the idea also of paying taxes.
But at the same time I worried does giving our kids so much mean that we might ruin them? Will they not learn the value of money? Will they assume that everything in life is easy? Will they expect everything in life asap because they never have to work for it?
Or do we have to force them to have skin in the game? Do we withhold everything and make them succeed on their own? Is it really necessary?
Has it been necessary for DH and I? We were super fortunate in everything. Everything has just broken our way. Yes we are super fortunate and lucky but we did also make our luck by taking calculated risks. But because we made some of our good fortune, we're honestly living the american dream.
We've turned a corner and now the starting point for our kids is just so much higher than what we had or expected. And because of it their starting line is so much further ahead. They are where so many people we know started. It's hard to explain but the help parents give children to start make such a big difference.
Imagine never having student loans, car loans, or saving for a house. Imagine not paying for vacations or saving for college for your own kids, or even saving for retirement. Imagine knowing that you can choose the career you want and live where you want because you aren't worried about money.
But knowing all of that does it ruin you? Does it prevent you from working as hard or being as ambitious, frugal, or savvy? DH and I had a date night last week and struggled with these questions.
We've hit a point where we might be able to do this for our kiddos. But should we is the question I raised? Right now truthfully I know my kids are going to be ridiculously well prepared. Even I give them nothing my mom has continually mentioned disinheriting me and giving it straight to my kids. So I know I probably am not getting her "house" but she's going to give the kids $200k each at a minimum. I'm not sure that's enough to ruin them but that's not everything either. But if DH and I give them more? Will it be ruinous?
February 22nd, 2022 at 02:46 am 1645498003
February 22nd, 2022 at 05:49 am 1645508974
Pay for most of college, but make them pay $2000 a year, which can easily be earned in a summer, and require at least a 3.0. If you want to buy them a car, do not get them a brand new car, get them a $5000 to $10,000 car, $2000 of which they have to pay for themselves and make them pay for their own insurance or whatever your insurance goes up by for having them on your policy. Don't buy them a house, but contribute $100,000 if you can afford it towards a down payment. I'd say $50,000 in most areas, but you live in a very high COL area. Set an amount you will contribute to their weddings, but don't pay for all of it and if you can convince the in-laws, don't let them pay for all of the rest of it. The kids should contribute.
Make them get jobs when they are old enough, even if only summer jobs, so they establish good work ethics.
But don't by shy about taking them on big family vacations when they have kids, especially in other countries when it is safe. Take all the grandkids to Disneyworld or Disneyland. Help fund a start-up for one of them if it looks like a good prospect. Use your discernment.
So help where you can, but make sure they do their part.
February 22nd, 2022 at 07:57 am 1645516636
February 22nd, 2022 at 09:35 am 1645522552
February 22nd, 2022 at 01:33 pm 1645536784
I guess you have to figure out where the line is between helping and spoiling, and always educate your children about the struggles of others.
February 22nd, 2022 at 05:50 pm 1645552211