LivingAlmostLarge's Personal Finance Blog

Well I got to see how they raised our property taxes. I flipped out last summer when the assessed value of our home went up 75% in one year.  I had a conniption.  DH said someone posted on our Facebook Be Neighborly group from the city council and he said we would have no raise in property taxes.  Everyone's assessement was increased and this would mean we all have the same share of taxes so it wouldn't change.  Well that was a blatent lie.  Either way I am just annoyed at it.  It went from $11k to about $15k a year.  That is a hefty chunk of change.

We also decided to push back macchu picchu until summer 2024.  That meant we had no real plans for the summer.  So I began to think about what to do.  DH wanted to minimize his vacation days (he'll have used 1 by august, but he gets 15 a year), and gets a 4 day weekend labor day so 4 days going somewhere the last week of August.  I figured no more than a 6 hour flight.  That put us on the east coast at most.  So I picked florida and WDW.  I read that a lot of schools are back in session, the season is getting lower and while it's hot, it's not any worse than any other time in summer except it supposed to be less crowded.  We'll see what happens.  DH is fine with a 4 day vacation and the kids want to go but didn't want to miss school which was the option was to pull them out october again.

The only things now are deciding how visiting my parents for summer and christmas will play out.

On the post your wins thread it was a nice post by amastewa93 about how far she's come in 6 years!  I'm really impressed.  So I thought a lot as well and it's amazing how fast things can change on a dime.

I'm the mom of a teenager as of last month (DK1 turned 13!!!).  When I started blogging and I on this site I had no children.  I had been with my DH about 6 years and we were married a couple of years.  Those first few years were very, very lean.  We leaned on 0% CC, student loans, car loans, etc to make everything happen.  We rarely ate out or traveled.  I will also say the first few years  of having kids and going to one income it was super tight as well.  We were still paying off the 0% CC which was used to help buy us time to pay our student loans.  

But a decade has past and it's weird how comfortable we are.  Rich?  I guess by many standards but I don't feel it.  I don't feel that different than the young 20 something struggling to make ends meet.  But 20 years later I am.  My body is more tired and older.  The credit card now is paid in full and I don't blink at whipping it out. Instead of whipping out the calculator and figuring if I could afford something, now I pay for it and don't worry knowing we have buffer. 

I would use a calculator at a grocery store to stay on track.  We ate a lot of the same foods over and over.  When we met our "date" nights quickly devolved into a 3 item combo from Ranch 99 shared and a movie once a week.  I don't even know if DH remembers the fact we were so thrilled to not cook and eat leftovers once a week and a $5 - 3 item combo was a splurge.  $5 for a meal out was indulgent and to be shared.  We rarely drank because it wasn't in the budget.  Soda was bought only in 2L bottles and we recycled everything for extra money.  We dumpster dived everything and everything was second hand including our grill and smoker and dog.  

When we got our first dog we had no money and thankfully he was young and healthy.  By the time he needed care we were in a different position financially but in 2002 we were broke and living on a shoe string.  We used student loans to help sort our budget after all it was subsidized and free money.  We calculated DH would get a job in 6 months after graduating and we'd be able to pay it all back.  It didn't happen when he first graduated, we needed 0% CC for a few years rolling from one to another.  But by the time DK1 came along in 1/2010, in 6/2010 we paid off all our student loans and 0% CC.  It only took us 5 years after he finished his phd but he also went back and got an MBA and sunk us more into debt during those 5 years.

Our kids know we're frugal and they can tell I still struggle with spending.  I'm still careful.  My mom says "we never bought anything without a red sale tag or secondhand."  I grew up very, very poor.   And now it's ridiculous.  My kids still look at sale tags because I don't know how else to shop and goodwill/marketplace is still our friend.

But now I really can buy anything I want. I can walk into a store and not whip out the calculator. I can buy what I want to eat because I feel like it.  I can go out to eat because we want to.  It's a weird feeling sometimes.  The life I lead now is one I definitely aspired too.  My mom again always said "i want to walk into a store one day and not look at the price tag."  And she totally does now.  She doesn't care.  Everything is affordable.  Now the shirt doesn't have to be on sale or secondhand.  She also grocery shops and buys what she wants to eat instead of what's on sale.  She doesn't have the envelope of cash and calculator (my entire family used to do this).  My uncle said he'd stand in grocery store and calculate down to the last 10 cents what they could afford for groceries for the week and what they'd put back.  And now he has so much money coming in he can't spend it fast enough.  

Did you ever think you'd get here?  Did you ever think you'd live a life you dream about?  I joke now about what I would do if I won the lotto.  I'd hire a cook and a driver asap.  But life is pretty good and I'm grateful that I'm another year older and here to spend it with my family.

I just peeked and saw the last time I posted was beginning of November.  A lot has happened since then and I haven't been online much.  I've been exhausted with everything.

I went to see my parents over Veteran's day weekend.  My mom asked and I obliged.  Thankfully I went home because my dad ended up in the ER that Sunday before I left from being impacted and in terrible pain. I managed to carry him into a wheelchair and into the car and to the ER.  My mom couldn't have done it and they were in no way ready to have my dad be immobile.  That weekend I managed to get a wheelchair ramp ordered, hospital bed, and internet installed.  Fortunately my kids were off Friday for veterans day and they were all sick so they all stayed home and skipped all activities.  I ended up staying to wednesday but my DH was desperate for me to come back, he was struggling with work and the kids.  I depended on others to help me which is not how I usually do things.

Things have been a bit difficult since.  I've pushed my mom to hire help and she has someone occasionally.  She's exhausted and unwilling to consider someone to help at night.  But we returned again this past weekend and I'm watching my dad all day as my mom went to the dr.  He is pretty wheelchair bound and bedridden. And this past weekend before i got here Monday, again went to the hospital for the same thing.  

We are staying through the new year.  When I bought the tickets this summer I hemmed and hawed over the costs. If I returned before new years the ticket prices were substantially cheaper.  But with the way the new year's fall it is ridiculously expensive until about the 1/4 and the kids and DH go back to work and school.  So DH and DK1 are going back on 1/1 and DK2 and I are staying until 1/5.   I am glad we're staying.  Yes it's expensive but I told my friends i'm in the endgame.

I bought my tickets back for february without DH and the kids.  They'll be off for a few days and DH can work from home and not worry about school or activities.  The truth is that no matter what I pay now for tickets home or buying stuff this is short term.  I am doubtful my dad will be here next holidays but I'd love to be wrong.  

People hate suzy orman but she always tells called "people first then money."  I always agreed but until now I never really lived or felt it.  Now I feel like yes I need to be prudent, but at the same time I have spent my life being prudent. I have spent my life being frugal and watching every penny.  But now I need to stop saving at the rate I've always saved at and spend it so that I can enjoy and help my parents at this end stage. It's not forever and it's not something that is a continually money drain.  This is short term and something that will end.

I am grateful about our ability to cover these expenses.  But I've really come a long way to realizing that money isn't everything.  Saving and planning isn't everything. That sometimes goals fall the wayside and life happens because you can't control everything. I'm a planner, saver, and overal meticulous record keeper. I'm also naturally frugal.  But in the position i'm in I can't do it all.  And something has to give.  To me it's money.  I'll make more and if we have to work 2 months more then so be it.

Today is a day of Joy and I have been blessed.  About a year ago my DH underwent genetic testing and was confirmed to have a specific mutation that he inherited from his mom, which lead to his retinitis pigmentosa.  This mutution is inherited in an autosomal dominant manner meaning that any child we had would have a 50% chance of inheriting it and having RP.  

When we had children 13+ years ago we had no idea what the mutation was and there was no way of knowing.  Testing was not advanced enough to genetically screen and find the mutation.  Fast forward to now and due to advances they knew where to look and last Christmas his diagnosis was confirmed.  He had been told since around age 12 when the dr was able to observe the RP phenotype.  

The fact we were told 13 years ago we would know around now, meant we've been waiting on pins and needles.  We've been waiting to see if any dr would be able to look into our kids eyes and tell us if they had it.  I know my DH has been worried, especially as he has aged and things have become more difficult for him.  The greatest fear and worry for a parent is the healthy and well being of your children.  

So a few months ago we were approved that insurance would test our kids for the mutuation.  We actually had been ready to pay out of pocket but the eye dr suggested we try insurance and she turned in the paperwork.  

It turns out both our kids are negative for the mutation.  They each had independently a 50/50 chance of having the mutation and being positive for RP.  So for DH to have two children not inheriting the mutation is amazing.  I had tears of joy when the dr called me.  

What a wonderful day.

I swear I'm going crazy with how fast prices of groceries are going up.  I swear my CC bill, which I pay off every month is getting higher.  We really are making a super big conscious decision to eat out once week and cut back on take out.  So I've been cooking very consciously every meal even on weekends. 

But perspective for eating out this weekend Sunday dinner it was $160 for chinese takeout for 6.  That meals should not have been that much and we had some leftovers enough for 2 lunches (DH and I each).  The weekend before we paid $150 for brunch at a restaurant for the 4 of us.   We had 4 meals, each averaging around $21-23, 2 alcoholic and 2 non-alcoholic drinks, 6 deviled eggs appetizer (around $15) and that's it.  $150 for 4 of us tax and tip.  That was our meal out. Monday halloween I bought a papa murphy's cook yourself XL pepperoni sausage pizza thin crust 16" was $10 plus breadsticks $6.99 and it cost $18.17 for it and I ordered online and picked up from a cart without a tip.  That was one meal and we had no leftovers for the 4 of us and the kids were a bit hungry after trick or treating.

So the expense of eating out is out of control.  And that's what has lead to cooking all the time.  But groceries I can't get over how much I'm spending.  I can tell when I can't walk out of costco for less than $200.  Then adding on other stores makes it ridiculous. I pay $12 for 2 gallons of lactose free milk from costco.  Eggs at walmart are $9 for 60 and the cheapest.  Chickenthighs are $3/lb for blsl thighs and they still had bones and tons of fat.  And the fresh veggies?  Or my family loves mushrooms and it's $6+ a pound.  And they eat a lot of veggies each meal.  Brussell sprouts tonight are $3/lb and I bought a 2 lb bag.  Last night it was a bag of Bok Choy that was $8 at $3.99/lb for 2 pounds.  Add in the fresh fruits and I'm making the kids lunches everyday (it was free last year and I refused to make lunches).  They hate school lunches both of them, but occasionally when things are nuts in the morning they have to suffer with school lunches.  They pay $4.25 a school lunch and my DK say it's not enough food!  This I hear from other parents as well.  

I will admit we don't have to eat what we eat and I probably should scale back on what I buy.  But I feel like we already are not eating out so scaling back on groceries seems harder than not eating out.  I'm trying to be very conscientious and not waste any food and usually we are very good at this.  I repurpose all rice into fried rice, i make broth from chicken and beef bones and use that to make congee.  I make a lot of stuff from scratch including I've been making sourdough bread again.  

But the prices of food just seems to rise.  I can't get myself to garden I hate it.  I probably need to start though even in pots.  Have you noticed the food prices?

When you don't work outside the home it can be tough.  I say that because I've been there, done that.  It's a really tough thing.   How so?  The lack of respect and validation and feeling of self-worth can be hard to maintain.  I write this for two reasons. 

One a friend talked to me about how she felt being "only" a mom.  She had done her phd as well in biology and now she was "only a mom."  She feels like she needs to work to find herself outside of the kids.  I told her I totally get it.  That it's really hard to go from an important "job" to not having a job.  It's really hard still for me to be in a group of people and not work full time and have a "career".  I have a "job".  I like what I do.  But I still feel embarrassed at times.  I told her I do still feel judged.  I have definitely felt lesser at the company holiday party when people say "what do you do?"  And I hear "why don't you work?"  The answer now interestingly even though I started my own business is "I take care of my kids." 

I usually get a gasp and silence but i decided after I started my own business I no longer needed validation from anyone. I only needed my own self worth.  Maybe it was after 40 I give a rat's behind about anything. I now say random stuff like I could care less what my kids do as long as they are happy and productive.  I pulled them out of gifted programs because they weren't happy.  We turned down a choice school opportunity because I thought my kid would struggle making friends. 

Yes I say all those things now and I sometimes I mention working but often I say I don't work and I'm free.  It's still a bit weird that I don't use my phd, but at the same time it took a long time to figuer out I hated it.  I told my friend I achieved pretty much everything a parent could want.  Excellent test scores, grades, extracurriculars, and acceptance into every school I applied to. I got into every top program both in undergraduate and graduate school.  My resume read like someone who did everything right and yet I detoured and found my zen with my kids, new job, and life.  

But then again I am married to guy who also quit his 1st career and found his zen.  His resume also reads "accomplished everything parents want" then quit job, moved, changed careers and let wife not work and raise kids.  If we lived the way everyone else expected us to we'd be a "high power couple" climbing the ladder.  But instead we meander our way on 1 income, driving crappy cars, and working at jobs that are fufilling.  Maybe it's my husband's acceptance.

The second reason I wrote this?  This weekend he was trying to recruit someone to work for him.  The guy asked "how do you do it?  how do you have a family and do a start-up?"  DH "my wife does everything."  And the accceptance of it works.  At the same time we both committed to this short term insanity knowing that it was his dream to start a company (yes when I met him he wanted to do this no lie).  He wanted to make a mark and build his own company and he passed on one about 15 years ago and regretted it.  This time I said he had to do it, and we knew it was not going to be easy.  And now at the startup?  When anyone asks I just say I stay at home.  I am definitely not embarrassed because we wouldn't be doing this if he was pulling his weight at home.  I know my worth and contribution right now.

Maybe it's age.  But truth it is still really hard to be "non-working" spouse.  To be the partner who takes the step back and follows and supports.  But at the same time you have to look at yourself and say it's enough. That you know what you are truly worth and give yourself a pat on the back.  It's okay to be happy with a "lesser" role.  So to all my friends struggling with finding their place and being okay with it.  

You have value.  You are amazing and can do anything you want.  A career doesn't define it.  It's just money or a job.  The title means nothing.  Who you are is defined by whatever you want it to be.   And it's not "less". What you do is work.  And you do not have to work outside the home to have a job. (wish someone had told me that at 30!)

Disneysteve asked this on the forum boards and I said yes.  But it's a bit of a layered question.  There are a lot of things that have changed.  Covid forced at least us to stay at home and be less busy, which was nice, but also forced us to cook a lot more.  Restaurants weren't open and even if they were, we weren't interested in leaving the house.

Over the past 2.5 years i will admit that we used to eat out, well do mostly takeout, 5-6x/week pre-covid.  We might sit down 1x/week pre-covid.  But eating out was a lot cheaper.  We could do it for $150-200/week for that many meals out.  The kids were smaller and we could share meals, the portions were larger, there was less service fees, etc.  But being less busy, less activities meant we also just had more time to cook and enjoy our meals at home.

Then it seems like life has been getting back to more normal.  The pace of life is much faster and there are more things going on.  So it would be so easy to slip back into at least picking up take out during the week like I used to.  2-3x/week I'd grab takeout.

But now I don't.  It's the expense.  It's shocking how expensive a meal from Chick-fil-A is now for our family of four.  Or burgers from a local place. It's insane how a pizza at a fancy place is $35 for large or even 2 pizzas from Papa Johns is $25.  A takeout from our local thai place for 3 dishes cost me $57 and the portions were enough for the 4 of us for 1 meal.  We had no leftovers.  So eating out 5-6x/week now there is no way to do it for $200/week. 

Even cooking every meal $200/week isn't a lot of money for the four of us from the grocery store.  The price of meat, veggies, fruit, milk has gone up a lot. I understand it's likely due to the fact that we have had long term inflation.  But I don't think I'm alone in looking at my DH's paycheck and thinking we did not get a 10% raise, our investments are down, and our medical/vision/dental/auto/home insurance premiums are up as well as a lot higher property taxes.

So our real purchasing power took a severe hit.  We already took a massive paycut with DH's job switch and I don't know how long this will go on for.  But to compensate we've really tightened up on eating and groceries.  This seems the new normal how expensive everything is.

Yesterday Barry Sharpless won his second nobel prize.  He is the 5th person ever and only living person to have 2 nobel prizes.  DH was working with Barry when he won his 1st nobel prize in 2001.  It was a privilege to meet, chat, and learn from him.  DH called him a genius and he really was.  I remember being 22 and impressed with his house and the guy himself when I met him.  He drove a Honda Civic hatchback because he didn't care what he drove.  But flew always with 2 seats in first class so he could have space for his papers to read and work on planes.

I remember him talking to a bunch of us young students, hanging yes on his every word, telling us not to give up.  That we needed to find our passion.  That you should love what you do because it will lead to success.  That wanting to go to work would lead to money.  Money he said doesn't do anything but buy you the opportunity to find happiness.  He said when he just wanted to explore where science lead him.

His energy and work ethic because of his passion were amazing.  And we never forget the lesson of being excited about work.  When you stop being excited he said it shows and that's when it's time to move on and figure out what does excite you. 

I get people working hard to FIRE and find their passion.  But not all of us can easily retire super cheap and save tons of money early on.  Instead some of us have to suck it up and work awhile.  But we always remembered that if we weren't excited we should move on.  Because the passion for work showed and it helped us stand out and succeed at our jobs rather than just sliding by and meandering.

It also was enlightening to see someone working very obviously NOT for money (he's a multimillionaire several times over and was by the time we met him).  But because he loves what he does.  His recent interview he was asked what is it like to know that he helped change the world by creating 2 new chemical reactions both increadibly important and revelotionary to drug discovery.  Without these reactions we would not be where we are today in modern medicine.  His answer "it's why he works because he wants to give back to society and loves what he does. He never imagined it would have this sort of impact."  

As for us?  I'm still not sure I want to be working at 81.  But if I still love what I do then I guess I will.  I am reminding DH now that with his startup if he loves what he does great.  But after this I think he's FI, will he RE? I don't know.  He's so passionate about what he does he says he can't imagine quitting.  Guess following our passion has been lucrative and nice.

I just bought my DK1 a Yamaha 362H flute.  It was about $1700 on Amazon but I decided to check facebook marketplace before buying it.  There were two options.  One was unused for $1300 with receipt.  They had bought it and then covid hit and their child had never used it.

The other was $750 but just been cleaned by the shop and looked nice in the photos. I decided if I'm going used I'm going all the way so I bought the $750.  I have an appointment on Friday with a repair store to do another full tune up for $90.  If it needs a total overhaul it will be $200, but that still is a good deal I think.  I'm pretty happy for 5 minutes of work online and 30 minutes to drive and meet and pay the guy I saved $1000.

I usually buy stuff new/sale/used depending on how hard it is to find.  But the most luck for me is usually facebook marketplace.  Where do you look mostly?

We got a dog on Saturday.  Less than a than a week ago.   I put a short post on the forum but I'll go into detail here what happened.  

He is an awesome 3/4 poodle 1/4 golden retriever mix from a breeder.  He is 16 weeks old and we call him Parker.  He is super cute.  I found him on FB adopting doodle/poodles rescue group.  Well LAL how did you get a rescue dog?  Well Friday 8/25 a post was put up on a puppy needing to be rehomed.  He family was unable to take care of him so they were looking to rehome him and the group was taking applications. 

So I said ME! And then I applied and was picked, we zoomed to confirmed it was real and not catfished or anything.  Then we drove saturday and picked him up.  The kids were so excited and we were so excited. It was $700 donation to the group and we got ourselves a 4 month old PUPPY.  

Background about where we got him and what happened!  You will absolutely be amazed.  He was adopted by a single mom influencer with a 2 year old child.  She thought it would be a great idea to get a puppy and raise with her son and I bet probably put on her website and be part of her "brand".   But she didn't realize how much work having a dog would be.  So she put him up for adoption about 8 week after she got him.

She adopted him from a breeder 4th of July.  She took him home and worked on crate training and house breaking him.  But she never had time to brush him (turns out he hadn't been brushed and was startled when we tried).  She told us in 8 weeks she had never walked him outside.  She couldn't find his leash when we went to get him.  She hadn't made a groomer appointment, and had been once to the vet but hadn't followed up with the fecal sample or appointment to neuter him.  This made her aware she just didn't have time for a dog.  For anyone whose had or has a dog they know this is really sad.

But we are eternally grateful she was willing to turn him in and just wanted him placed in a good home and gone asap.  So now less than week leter he's a great pup and we are so so lucky!  Look at how cute he is!  We got another secondhand dog!  And I feel better since I didn't end up with buying from a breeder again.  My DH was really concerned about adopting again with our last dog and his health problems.  And aren't too sure about sizing but whatever.  

Thank you covid for all these great dogs being put for adoption.  My pearl of wisdom is if you are looking for a dog now or soon, go look on FB at all these rescue/rehoming groups because there are a lot of high quality adoptable dogs being put up by families unable to take care of them for many, many reason.

We've been pretty good about covid these past 2.5 years.  I think we are done for knock on wood.  About to leave for a trip and I'm pretty sure that my DK1 got covid from a friend.  We tested daily for the past 8 days and no symptoms for her.   But I woke up feeling tired.  I don't know if it's stress or prelude to covid.  My guess is she was positive earlier in the week and asymptomatic but vaccines worked and she didn't have high enough levels to detect it.  I have no idea.  I tested again today and we were all negative.  The naat thursday said negative.  But I just feel tired but could be stress over all of this.

Looks like the market rebounded slightly. I have nothing to report other than I am looking forward to a week away.  I hope to just chill.

I went to the dentist on Thursday my 3x/year cleaning.  I have very weak teeth and I'm a grinder.  Anyway I've worn nightguards since high school and I've broken multiple ones.  The currently I have an NTI and a regular traditional nightguard.  I can tell the difference wearing the NTI style nightguard.  Anyway my jaw joint if you can imagine is worn to nothing because of my clenching and grinding. I also probably this year started having some pain in my jaw area.

So much so that you recall I thought my TMJ was killing me but it was an abcess tooth?  That ended up with a root canal and a crown.  So when I was there for that and my other cleaning my dentist and I discuss potentially using botox in my jaw to relax my super tense muscles.

She doesn't do it herself but my other neighbor also a dentist does.  So she fit me in and gave me a deal of $10/unit and gave me 30 units of botox on each side of my jaw muscle.  I tried calling to the university nearby for their pain management unit so perhaps it would be covered by insurance.  But I couldn't get an appointment.  So I decided what the heck? 

I'll try it and if it works I'll really try to get in with the pain management company.  Also I submitted it to my insurance and I figure worse case scenario is it's rejected, well I already paid 100% out of pocket it was worth a few minutes of time.

I hope that I don't get hooked on this feeling and yes I can feel my jaw more relaxed actually.  Because my neighbor dentist who did it told me she has a lot of clients who come in regularly every 3 months for their shot. It happens very regularly because you get used to the relaxed muscles.  

I know this sounds ridiculous to get botox and spend so much.  But it's a trial.  Let's see how it feels in 3 months. 

Now because of square and everything else everywhere you go and everything you buy has a tipping. You can be buying clothes or a small items at a store and it goes to a tipping screen.  Enough already.  I'm annoyed.  I want to tell square stop.  Can you tell owners how to select no tipping.  Or are we expected to tip for literally everything?

It appears that now we are expected to supplement people's wages 100% .  That anything you buy you need to tip.  I'm really annoyed by it.  I get that the owners use square and clover because it's cheaper. I'm a small business owner now but I am still annoyed by the fact that everything is tipping.  And it's tipping on every single thing.  How much longer until we go to grocery store and have to pass over the tipping screen?

I just am so done with tipping. Even in restaurants I just want either a set fee or added into the cost.  I prefer it.  It's way easier.  Last night we had dinner with DH's cousin.  They took us out and I pointed out it was already added a mandatory 18%.  She loved it.  Didn't have to feel cheap or decide what to tip. The decision out of hand.  Service was okay, but way eaiser to just have it there and not worry about it.  Yep stellar work won't get you more.  But maybe they should just pay people more.

I'm still frustrated over this minimum wage not being tied to inflation.  How is it fair to pay people $7.20 minimum wage and not tie it to inflation like SS and medicare and then never argue about it again.

I have 2 0% credit cards right now, one I put on my A/C and the other I just put property taxes on.  I have until Feb and March 2023 to pay them off.  

Blue Amex 0% March 2023 $6041 - paid $2k today , $4041 balance

Wells Fargo 0% Feb 2023 $18,864 - paid $2k today, $16,864 balance

Today I paid another $1500 to the WF bringing the balance down to $15,364.

My goal was to pay $4k by August.  I have $2500 left.  DH gets paid on 6/29 as our 3 payment month so we've been super lucky.  That extra payment means we could pay $6500 to debt.  But right now our sink fund is $400, but I know I have $4k owed in August.  So I'm debtating keeping that in our sink fund and then paying off with 7/13 paycheck $3000 goes to debt.  I think that would work.  

Either way this month we hae paid off $5500 in debt above the minimums.  Seeing us owing still $15k een at 0% is a bit scary.

So I managed to snag a quick phone call with my dad.  We see him tomorrow so my parents were busy prepping the house.  So I figured he'll get his card and I have no idea about the gift.  

DH got nothing for father's day but a hugely relaxing day of sleeping in.  We didn't even go out to eat.  We had so many leftovers from stuff we finished it and I promised him dinner Monday.  Monday I picked up sushi and he didn't even have to leave the house again along with the kids.  My suspicion is that it was fabulous for him to work and not even leave.  

Happy father's day out there to all the wonderful men enjoying their families.  Reading about how many people miss their dads, I tear up hoping I have a few more years with mine.  

Last month my dad fell and fortunately did not break anything.  But it seemed like it was a sign that he's deteriorating fast.  I should not be upset he's 91 years old.  But I think that because of his age I feel like he's going to live forever and perhaps that's the wrong thing to think.  It's incredible that you blink and realize that your parents have aged but how is it possible?  

Yet on zoom with my in-laws whome we haven't seen in person in 3 years said our DK1 looked really old.  And I realized that my tween was 9 the last time they saw her.  My in-laws don't seem older but I'm sure in person I might have a different opinion. I hope that we see them this summer.

I have 2 0% credit cards right now, one I put on my A/C and the other I just put property taxes on.  I have until Feb and March 2023 to pay them off.  

Blue Amex 0% March 2023 $6041 - paid $2k today , $4041 balance

Wells Fargo 0% Feb 2023 $18,864 - paid $2k today, $16,864 balance

It's a lot more debt than I am hoping to carry.  I did use the DH's extra paycheck this month but basically it paid for our lawyer bills for setting up our will and trust.  That was $8800 paid for on a CC in full.  Everything else I've paid ahead basically.

Now how to pay off everything in 6 months?  I owe $20k in 6 months.  Ugh and yikes.  Our property assessed value went up 40% in 1 year from 2022 to 2023 so I'm a bit nervous about what that might do to our property taxes.  But I have $8k set aside for property taxes and auto insurance etc in August.  Guess I'll be posting on here to keep me honest.  I guess my goal will be paying off the $4k blue by august.

We've lost $300k on retirement alone and $100k on our taxable accounts.  We were very aggressively invested in our retirement accounts.  Say La Vie.  We have a long time until we retire.

We went to Las Vegas for the weekend and it was a lot of fun.  We had a great time with the kids.  While people don't think Las Vegas is kid friendly we found it to be.  It was a lot of fun.  We also spent a ton of money but that's what we chose to do. I think Vegas can be done cheaper especially the eating out and activities.

Prepaids $1668 for 4 flights, $1214 for Hotel, $1021 for O show, $253 Blue Man Group, and $688 for Go City Las Vegas Card = $4845 before we landed had been spent.  So not exactly cheap for a trip, but we were ready for fun.  I rented a car the first day so we could go to dinner, fremont experience and pick up friends from the airport.  That was $15 parking, $18.34 car rental ($40 free expedia point i had been trying to use), $8.50 gas, and $4 parking.  One day car rental then we used uber/lyft, taxi the rest of the time. 

We paid $171.97 for the rest of the days for uber including a $25 tip to the airport when the driver stopped and allowed us to grab our luggage from the hotel, drove to front, then loaded it, and waited for us to get it from bellhop.  He made the same as driving in tip.  He didn't have to but it was super nice of him.  We also tipped $5 to the maids daily in cash and a few other cash, so i'm unsure where the $120 in cash I had went (likely tips).  

The kids bought a necklace and MM and $10 games for $59.40.  That was the extent of our shopping except for some sunscreen and lotion from CVS.  We did only handcarry after all.  We also spent $5 gambling.  

Our biggest expense was eating out for $1914.37 for 6 days family of four.  That averages out to be $319/day.  Yikes.  I know we skewed it with a few fancier meals $362 morimotos (for adult couple only), $260 for Wynn Buffet dinner, $249 at hotel for drinks at cabana/pool, hotel.  So $1043 really for most meals I would guess $173/day for family of four sounds more in line. 

But the buffet (which wasn't great for the price and I am not a huge fan of buffets to begin with) the kids loved it. They had been asking about going to a buffet and on the last night we had a reservation at one of two open dinner buffets and they had a GREAT time.  They ate well (not the value of their $40 dinner) but they did try at least 1 new thing and surprised themselves by eating so many different varieties of food they normally wouldn't eat.  It was a lot of fun and we spent the full 2 hours eating and relaxing.  That day was ridiculous because we rented a cabana by the pool all day 9 am - 5 pm then uber to and from the wynn and sat and ate dinner and that was it.  The DH and kids had a blast.  Buffets are not good value and are not good food.  But they are fun and they are easy with a large group.  So you suck it up and go. 

Maybe I'll post some pictures.  We did a lot of touristy things with the kids like marvel station, linq zipline/high roller, helicopter ride over strip, bus tour, illuminarium, ny nyn roller coaster, excalibur 4d movie.  So overall the kids had a great time.  But it was not a cheap weekend.  $7705 all in for the family of four for 6 days.  And that is gambling with $5.  Had we been into gambling (mostly my DH, I wanted to but he kept saying no), then it would have cost us more.  But I have to say I loved it.  I liked the heat, the nightlife, the energy.  I can see why everyone from hawaii loves it and it's the 9th island.  Totally my cup of tea.  My family had a great time.  I think it could turn into an annual trip to seea a show, eat some buffet (yuck), and hang out.

Well retirement is down $140k and if it wasn't for our windfall I think we'd be substantially more. Probably in the ball park of $250k.  I have already had to talk to multiple friends and clients into staying invested and not being spooked.  And when asked I said I can see it dropping another 10-20%.

But what do you do?  Nothing. If it makes you nervous wrong asset allocation.  If you just leave it invested or invest more well then you know what type of person you are.  I am kicking myself for buying more amazon and google before their big drops. 

I invested all of our windfall.  A portion was put into a 10 month CD paying 1.1%.  That's to pay our taxes.  Then I dumped $150k into the 529s VOO this month.  Bad timing?  Probably and they will need it in 6 and 8 years.  But truthfully that's a long time to ride it out and I the only thing I could do is invest monthly.  But really just leaving it alone for the next 6 years.

Does it make sense to rebalance and put into more conservative investments?  Most people would but i am not.  Why?  Because here's the question someone asked me.  Will it matter what the balance is in 6 years?  Answer is NO.  I am paying for college no matter what so I might as well aggressively try to maximize our investment for college.  And what people don't realize is that you don't use all of it in 6 years, I will need it 6-9 years for one and 8-11 years.  So that's a long time to ride out the market.  Retirement is more iffy because we need to fill our buckets, but knows?

So I don't understand how people who have a family of four talk about how cheap it is to travel.  Okay maybe if we only used points for every plane ticket.  But how do you get so many tickets to travel every year if you aren't a big spender and no longer have work travel to help gain points?  I don't get it at all.  

We are planning on a 5 day trip to Las Vegas.  Tickets for the family will be $1669 roundtrip for 4.  Hotel will be $1215.  So before we step foot there we are out of pocket $2884.  So people who go for a week to europe or anywhere I always wonder how? I mean the only answer I have is that they get free hotels and free airfare because I can't seem to figure out how else to stay under $3k for a family of 4 on airline tickets.

That being said we  bought tickets to O for $1021 for the 4 fof us.  I'm also considering the go las vegas card for $900 for the 4 of us and it includes the blue man group, hoover dam (No one wants to do this with me) and a bunch of other activities.

I also just bought tickets to hawaii for our summer trip.  $588 for DK1 and DH, but his was using chase sapphire preferred points of 47,040 points.  I used a coupon and some discount codes we had for $614.73 for me and DK2 using a companion fare and codes.  So far we ar in for $1202.73.  Of course our lodging is covered mostly and we may go stay in a different city in hawaii for a few days so we will have hotel and rental car.  And of course I spend a lot on eating out and paying when we go so there is that.  But again How do you go for a week and spend $3k or less for a family of four when hotels are solidely $250-300/night other than free flights and hotels?

I also used our miles to fly to Canada this summer, unfortunately it's only booked 1 way so far to go to DH's cousins wedding.  We I need to figure out how to transfer more miles to use miles to fly back.  Although on a budget airlines the airline tickets are pretty cheap so maybe that would be worth it.  I also paid for 50% of the airbnb which I need to figure out if we are staying only there.

What are you thinking for travel?

So I am not a keeping up with the Jones person or else I wouldn't live where I live and drive what I drive.  I alsotruggle with spending money on stuff I deem unworthy (it is an individual thing and I am not a spendthrift, nor frugal but I try to be cognizant of my spending). 

That being said I got an email that "your DK2 has been taken off the wait-list for the sleepaway camp, please register by April 23rd, 2022 to hold your spot."  The camp is a 1 week sleepaway camp and it's expensive. It's $1500 for the week not to mention getting there and back (although I may not have to do it since friends are going...)

That being said I don't put the kids in much camp because I am home and usually not working.  We enjoy hanging out and travel a lot.  Plan this year is hawaii for 2 weeks, Canada for 2 weeks (family wedding) and potentially a road trip up and down the west coast with friends?  So we are busy. I signed my kiddos up for 1 week of girl scout camp because that's the one thing we do.  I also signed up for a half day paddleboarding camp.

But back to the sleepaway camp I didn't sign up for initially because it's expensive.  Realize only one of my kids is going so it's not like other friends whose spending $3000 - $4500 sending 2-3 kids so we are not parent vacationing solo. I still have my older one who won't go (autism).  So I was like I could spend $3k on our vacation.

I don't know if this is something worth doing or completely ridiculous.

The market has rebounded nicely in these past few weeks  We are down 10% in retirement and 20% in our taxable.  But then again we also got our unexpected stock sale so we made some money.  Here is what we did with it.

35.74% to 529

5.71% to spending

9.52% to I bonds

48.05% to taxable savings

the 5.71% spending I just threw into our emergency fund.  I am going to use to it spend a little extra. I also will probably cut back on savings for the year since we basically saved 95% of our windfall and 66% of income for the year.  I'm thinking I do want to spend the 5% i earmarked and not just save it. 

Things I bought already tickets to hamilton, Jack white, red hot chili pepper concerts this summer/fall.  Tickets to Las Vegas for a weekend trip.  Tickets to Hawaii for summer.  I also would like to do a few more weekend trips probably SF and maybe an october trip to Disneyland.  Some of this we would have paid for and the rest will be covered by this spending.  That plus not saving more than $16k more this year for Roth IRA and ESA contributions. 

I'll still be doing $2k/year to each kid for college until age 18 just because but I don't think I need to be doing more than that anymore.  Our kids will have college 100% paid for now and extra for a house downpayment, wedding, or car.   The taxable accounts I started will be for something else.  We have 6 figures in each 529+ESA and they are 12 and 9 plus another $50k in taxables for them.  But I will no longer stress out about affording the future. 

Everything else is for us.  I know we aren't obligated to help our kids with college. I know that we are not obligated to gift them with a hand out after college.  But I've always aspired to be able to pay 100% for college and be able to provide a house downpayment, car, and maybe even wedding.  I always wished to have been so fortunate and a little envious of people whose parents were able to help them.  I understand DH and I families were not in the situation to help us and now if anything we are about to start paying for my grandmother financially.  But since we are in such a fortunate position I am thankful for everything and going to take advantage of it.

So today we put down our beloved family friend.  He was not yet 6 years old, but he had had chronic medical conditions since we adopted him. He came to us in the fall of 2017 after we bought our house.  He was a little over a a year old and seemed fine.  We adopted him at a resecue event and fell in love.  He was a great dog.  Super smart and well behaved and just overall good.  Honestly the best dog we've ever had.  

About a month later the medical problems began.  It started with rushing him to the ER when blood was dripping out of his nose.  They told us he had immune mediated thrombocytopenia.  After that it was constant vet visits, no vaccines, titrating different medications to stabilize his health.  Eventually after a year we removed his spleen in massive surgery.  He had also these open wounds from the predisone he was one that we were unable to lower the dose.  Anyway last year he tore partially his back acl but there was nothing to do because he wouldn't heal from surgery.  The orthopedic surgeon even said it would be cruel so we just meandered along.  As the vet said he's had 9 lives.

It has been a very tough journey but good at the same time.  I definitely can say this time I know we'll get another dog.  Last time it was really hard,  This time it is hard but different.  This time I can say we miss having a dog. Last time I wasn't sure if we were going to recover enough to have another.  We had had that particular guy from 2005 to November 2016 and we had lost his partner in 2010 after having him from 2002.  So we had those two guys long before kids and I don't know why it was so hard to imagine having another dog after them.   

But this time I think our experience was so lovely that I can definitely see us adopting another dog.  See you at the rainbow bridge.

I have just finished our tax return for 2021.  Mostly it was waiting to see if there were any corrections for the 1099.  There wasn't but there has been in the past and usually it's Ameritrade and I wait until March 15th.  Anyway we filed and we owe $237.  Nice.  That the closest to $0 we have ever been. It's pretty nuts to be so close.  I also had to file the kiddos with their 1099B since I tax loss harvested in 2020 and then harvested some gains in 2021. 

I find it intersting how all over the place we've always been. You'd think we'd be more predictable since I do taxes for a living.  But there is always something so this is awesome that we are so close.  I would prefer to be plus or minus $500 every year.  But we've seemed to either a lot like four figures or get back four figures and I'm not usually happy either way.

How did your taxes turn out?

Sigh, so I took in the 2015 Sienna minivan for a repair to the sliding door.  Covered by recall and it wasn't opening.  A clip thing was broken or missing.  Well anyway I come back and they say great free.  But we recommend you do the water pump, 90k service, and drive belt for $1700. I say thanks I'll have to consider it and will make an appointment later.  The guy says if your car starts to overheat stop driving.  I will probably call a friends mechanic and see if I can get a better deal.  

No i'm not replacing the minivan it's great. I plan on keeping it forever.  I'd rather buy 2 more cars and keep the minivan until it breathes it's last breath.  Which in my world will be another 15 years.  But that aside, I realize that DH and seriously not car people and maybe it's because we just aren't great drivers and we get super unlucky with our cars.

So then on the legacy which just got repaired over the bumper, sensor and light, I emailed the adjuster and was told it went to adjucation and we'll see what happens.  Maybe I get my deductible maybe I don't.  It'll be another few months. Okay but then my DH came home and told me that the car was hit again.  Sigh.  No idea but on driver door bottom.  I am sitting staring at it thinking do I really need to get it repaired?  Do we make a claim?  Or just pay out of pocket?

Then I get in one morning and the subaru windshield is cracked. I don't recall a rock hitting it but we've had a ton of rock claims.  Like I said cars and us aren't exactly great friends.  FWIW we typically pay $1000/6 month for insurance on 2 cars and 2 drivers. This is on me since I've had two speeding tickets within a year.  3/2020 I got a ticket for 36 miles an hour in a 30 mph zone.  And second ticket i got was 77 mph on freeway of 70 mph limit in 8/2020.  So I deserve my stupid tax.  DH also got a few tickets of 26  and 28 mph in 20 mph zone (camera tickets so not moving violations you just pay stupidity).  

This could also be why we are just blah and meh about cars they seem like headaches for us.  I do think it would be nice to get a newer EV but then I think nope. It's too much and I might like it too much. Better off sticking with boring and safe.

See if you understand this headache merrill lynch is giving me.  They issued me a 1099R for money i did not take out in 2021 from a Roth IRA because i moved it to chase.  Then they cashed it out in February 2022 because I called and it was a headache to move the $65.  Well I got the 1099 and argued with them and now they are trying to give me another 1099 for 2022 for the same money.  

I called and said how can it be legal to give me a 1099R for the same money two years in a row? They said they could make a 60 day rollover but then they were told that it wasn't possible.  When I pointed out it was incorrect they kept trying to fix everything but the right way of sending me a 1099R corrected. 

I gave up today and called them and told them stop already.  Send me a corrected 1099R period.  No more lies, no more "fixing" a problem to cause more problems. I am filing a form 4852 and that's it.  I'm done.   Sometimes these companies do things to cover their own behind instead of the right thing.

Well we have a 2016 Subaru Legacy and a 2015 Toyota Sienna and they are both great cars in great shape and fairly new.  The legacy has 51k miles and the Sienna has 85k miles.  So they have I think a lot of life in them. If we did the 10 year rule we have another 3 years left on the Sienna and 4 years on the legacy.  I've always thought that we would replace both cars in about 2-3 years and keep the Sienna but replace the legacy with another sedan and then get a SUV but keep the Sienna.  Mostly because it'll be getting very worthless at 10 years and it's very useful to haul stuff and people around in a pinch.  But I'd like to also think we could afford to have a third car and still buy me something newish if not new. 

In the past we had considered buying a used BMW i3 or Nissan Leaf because they were cheap.  They would replace the Subaru Legacy but we just didn't want to spend the money.  We've owned our cars since 2019 for the subaru and 9/2020 for Sienna.  We are coming up on 2 years without car payments again (we previously went from 2003-2010 without a car payment then got into a cycle of car payments till 2020.

But back to the topic at hand.  On the Legacy we drove 367 gallons of gas last year.  At the current price of $4.39/gallon that is $1611.37/year in gas.  We drove 340 gallons of gas on the Sienna.  $1492.60.  So it's more likely we'd replace the Legacy sedan because there isn't a viable option to replace the Sienna.  The Tesla X isn't really as big, much nicer but there are other nice SUV more comparable for practical purposes.

$1611/year in gas minus electric costs plus maintenance of the car is what we would be saving.  You can't count tires, but more like oil changes 2x/year at $100 = $200 and once every 3 years $900 for 30k mile service.  So $500/year or I could estimate say $900/ year so $2500/year is what we could be saving having an electric car.  

A long range Tesla model 3 is $51k plus taxes and fee so $55k/$2500 year = 22 years to break even.  But living what if gas costs $6/gallon?  Then $2202/year in gas for our subaru legacy plus $800/year maintenance = $3k.  That would still be 18 years to break even.

Even with the tax credits it's not financially advantagous for us to buy an electric car.  One day it might make sense, like our cars need replacement or they get into an acccident.  But otherwise?  Have you actually looked at what it would cost to get one?  And what you would really save

So My dental bill as you know was like $4k. I paid $500 on a credit card because as I was walking out they said you need to pay $500.  I was like well shouldn't we wait for the bill?  They said no.   They said they would refund me if I overpaid but it would take months to sort it out so they wanted a deposit.  I have no idea if this normal but what choice do I really have right?

So now I saw that for one of the days (I went 2 days for the root canal) my responsibility is $86.05.  I'm not sure what the other portion is but I'm wondering will I see my money?  Do I call and say I saw that half of the bill settled?  Do I keep waiting until I see the other half of the bill settled?  Why is the later day settled but not the first day?  

EOB is

Billed $1532

Negotiated $671.51

Paid $774.44

responsibility $86.05

Um okay.  So now what?

As a side note my younger child got braces and I paid $3k this time OOP because she only needs the top braces 1st round.  My older child had upper, lower, and frontal headgear (not normal) and I paid $6k.  I don't know if this is the norm but seriously no I shopped around to 3 people and all were the same price.  Even better is the lack of orthodontia coverage.

Anyway I kept the headgear just in case that tiny piece of equipment was $1500 alone.  They told me to keep it and maybe I could reuse it or my DK might need it.  What can you do?

Last year our insurance paid out $25239 for March to December.  Our portion?  $1081.95.  Not bad.  Our premium for the March to December was $2581.40 for medical and $244.90 for dental.  I don't know what the megacorp paid for the first two months except they paid $5041 DD box 12.  So I don't recall what we paid.

Tomorrow an update on my car insurance and accident.  

Things are going well for us financially and we are looking ahead to the future and the kids.  In a way that matters looking ahead at the future is easy.  It's easy to say wow we are good.  I'm not worried and relaxed and breathe. 

But taking time to smell the roses is harder.  It's the here and now.  Right now looking at ourselves and saying are we really enjoying our money?  Are we really enjoying our time?  That's two really hard questions.

This past year, and it's literally been 1 year, has been a lesson in budgeting I haven't struggled with since 2015-2016 when we went without income and took a sabbatical.  Since then things really relaxed again and we didn't budget.  We didn't really budget from 2010-2015 after we had kids but lived on a "pot" of money.  And all this time we have been really comfortable.  We didn't really want for anything, and honestly we still don't.

But a couple things have changed in this past year and last weekend when we were away DH made a comment to me "I don't want to worry about money period. I want to spend to enjoy the time we have when we have because I think we now have too much money and not enough time."  I fully agree, so much so that I want him to quit working asap.  I want him to realize the kids are growing too fast and all these snippets of time is sliding by.

So we are sort of having a windfall and I might as post it here since I did it on the forum that it's around $320k after taxes.  It's not an inheritance we earned this.  My inclination is to save it all.  But I know my DH doesn't want to. He wants to see a tangible spending of this money for something we want but don't need and aren't being "responsible".  But I am really struggling with that perspective.

I want to save 50% to kids college/brokerage. I struggle with putting it all into 529 because we already have around $40-50k per kid right now and more years to save.  But at the same time the opportunity to dump$75k into each 529 seems tempting.  Then i'd like to save $20k to ibonds this year and next year.  That leaves us with $80k.  Do we spend it?  Do we save it?

I don't know.  And if so how much can we allow ourselves to spend?  I feel our lifestyle is very nice and I would like to not budget but other than that I dont' know I'm ready to get nicer stuff than I have. 

So I guess I live in a HCOLA, doesn't feel like but sure.  I certainly have always lived in expensive areas and my mindset has always been well you buy small, flip, and trade up.  I certainly never expected to be in a position to help my kids buy a house. I have always been worried about our own retirement and retiring early has always been the plan.  So the idea of forking over say $30-50k hasn't been on my radar.  Neither has been forking over $25k for a wedding or $25k for a car.

But circumstances change and opportunities change.  Now things are bit a different and perhaps we can.  My kids will certainly now be getting substantial help from my mom for a house or investment account. I know that she plans on leaving them her house.  She's 70 and hawaii real estate is valuable.  

But recently a friend told me in confience she helped her son buy a house.  He bought a $1.2M house and she owns 25% = $300k.  She put down $300k and her name is on the deed as owner for 25%.  Her parents did this for her and her brothers.  They did this and when her brother got divorced they had to sell the house and settle our with her father (her mother had passed by this time) his share of ownership.  

She said "no marriage is forever and she learned that watching her parents."  $300k is a lot of money to gift your child and have them lose in a divorce.  Instead she decided to be a part-owner in a house to help her son and daughter in law afford it and then if she and her husband die it'll be part of her son's inheritance.  She also has a daugther and would offer the same deal even if her daughter buys while single.

That made me think okay that's what I'm doing.  If we are fortunate enough to have that sort of money then I will likley help my children buy homes buy becoming a part-owner.  As per our prior post I'm not sure I'm comfortable giving them $300k to buy a house. I think I might need to be an "owner".

Have you ever heard of this?  Do you think it's a good idea?

Something my DH and I are going back and forth with.  Can money ruin kids?  Will giving our children money or gifting them say free college, potentially a car, house down payment, or even a trust fund? 

I get that if you have tons of money that it's okay.  You can afford it.  You can afford to do something without impacting your own future.  That perhaps you are doing it to avoid future taxes.  But should you? I asked that question because I hate the idea also of paying taxes.

But at the same time I worried does giving our kids so much mean that we might ruin them?  Will they not learn the value of money?  Will they assume that everything in life is easy?  Will they expect everything in life asap because they never have to work for it?  

Or do we have to force them to have skin in the game?  Do we withhold everything and make them succeed on their own?  Is it really necessary? 

Has it been necessary for DH and I?  We were super fortunate in everything.  Everything has just broken our way.  Yes we are super fortunate and lucky but we did also make our luck by taking calculated risks.  But because we made some of our good fortune, we're honestly living the american dream. 

We've turned a corner and now the starting point for our kids is just so much higher than what we had or expected.  And because of it their starting line is so much further ahead.  They are where so many people we know started.  It's hard to explain but the help parents give children to start make such a big difference. 

Imagine never having student loans, car loans, or saving for a house.  Imagine not paying for vacations or saving for college for your own kids, or even saving for retirement.  Imagine knowing that you can choose the career you want and live where you want because you aren't worried about money.  

But knowing all of that does it ruin you?  Does it prevent you from working as hard or being as ambitious, frugal, or savvy?  DH and I had a date night last week and struggled with these questions.

We've hit a point where we might be able to do this for our kiddos.  But should we is the question I raised?  Right now truthfully I know my kids are going to be ridiculously well prepared.  Even I give them nothing my mom has continually mentioned disinheriting me and giving it straight to my kids.  So I know I probably am not getting her "house" but she's going to give the kids $200k each at a minimum.  I'm not sure that's enough to ruin them but that's not everything either.  But if DH and I give them more?  Will it be ruinous?