I've been feeling super guilty but I am right now trying to remove a girl from my GS troop. She's been in the troop for 2 years and this is the start of the 3rd year. The girls are in 4th grade. A lot has happened and I was asked to recreated a timeline for the district manager so that I can properly document and remove the girl. I am desperately trying to get her removed before our next event 12/6/19 but the DM is moving very slow. Here is a timeline summary I sent them.
November 2017 to June 2018
-the Girl E was difficult at most meetings
-mostly the ADHD and very hyper and difficult and often did not listen
-lied when asked questions
June 2018 - party at my house
-girl was disrespectful and refused to clean up or listen when asked to behave
-lied about taking a toy (not proven) because she said she brought toy over, not that it was one of my personal toys from my house. We had no idea what people brought over or not but my children said she took it and I think it unusual that people bring toys over so we'll let it slide.
November 2018
-incident with 2 other girls at meeting
-girls were not listening, running out of the room
-girls got into an altercation in my car which included unbuckling seatbelts and trying to hit each other in car while I was driving
-this lead me to have talk with entire troop and put all 3 girls on probation. Everyone in troop had to sign behavior agreement. All 3 girls were required to have parents at meetings and overnight
-the mother was going through a separation at home and often couldn't stay and said she had to pick up son and counseling.
- I gave her more flexibility than the other 2 moms because of the separation. THIS was a MISTAKE
May 2019 - Camp
-E went but had a hard time following directions.
-she did not want to do kapers (chores)
-she really didn't want to listen and sulked if the other girls did not want to do what she wanted
-she talked about being a bully and was glad of it. She said it's better to be picking on someone instead of being picked on.
-we discussed how this was inappropriate but she didn't seem to care
August 30th, 2019
-renewal for joining troop and mom decided last minute to join on last possible day. I was hoping to avoid them renewing
October 2019
-at an overnight of 4 girls she struggled to get along with the girls
-didn't listen again and got upset
-did better and didn't physically lash out but was angry
-still having some trouble at meetings but was getting better
November 15/16 2019
-lied about incidents at overnight
-Before the overnight her mom very honestly told me that they were only interested in carpooling if she could screen the kids in the car with E. Because E didn't like some of the girls in the troop. Yes I did accommodate this, however I don't think this was appropriate.
-Esaid she wasn't involved in anything.
-E and another girl pushed and trapped 3rd girl in the shower and turned it on. The 3rd girl told and other girl confirmed it.
-4th girl's notebook was stolen. Again I could not prove it but two girls said they saw E with the stolen notebook which was ripped up. So I did not make any accusations because I didn't see or catch her with it.
I feel a lot of guilt because I know she and her mom are having a rough go. But at the same time I feel like she's ruining the dynamic of the troop and causing friction with multiple other girls. I feel like I keep giving her chances to the detriment to the other kids. This makes the troop rules seem lax. I can't help but feel if I remove this girl then a lot of problems might ease.
Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm being too strict, or too tired. When I talked to two other troop leaders they both said if I feel that it's too much to deal with I'm a volunteer. I need to ask her to leave. I'm not paid to deal with her and the situation.
I'm not sure how this will wind up but I'll update it. If anyone wants to share how they've dealt with it.
If this were one of my kid's friends we just wouldn't see them again. Obviously it's not that simple. But I can't help but wonder in some ways isn't it the same thing? If you can't behave then people won't make playdates or want to play with you?
girl scout problem
November 22nd, 2019 at 02:26 pm
November 22nd, 2019 at 02:40 pm 1574433646
Sooner or later she will have a job or a life event where people will not bend over backwards for her. The longer she is coddled the worse the situation when someone says NO.
If the mother sees this honestly maybe you can gently remind her that sooner or later she will end up in a situation and she will not have the coping skills to deal with it and learning to get along with others is a huge life skill to practice.
In the meanwhile she sounds as if she is RUINING the experience for the other girls.
November 22nd, 2019 at 02:58 pm 1574434723
I hope you get support from the GS that she can be denied participation. I hope this has been communicated to the parent all along because this will be quite a shock if it hasn't.
Praying for a good outcome for all! Hang in there LAL.
November 22nd, 2019 at 04:25 pm 1574439924
November 23rd, 2019 at 02:49 am 1574477348
November 23rd, 2019 at 03:32 am 1574479944
It is tough as a volunteer though - you're trying to do something good and the stress can be overwhelming. Are you the only leader for the troop or do you have other women helping?
It could be though that another troop would be a better fit for her. And now Boy Scouts is open to girls. She might respond better to that more active environment.
November 23rd, 2019 at 12:25 pm 1574511939