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girl scout problem

November 22nd, 2019 at 02:26 pm

I've been feeling super guilty but I am right now trying to remove a girl from my GS troop. She's been in the troop for 2 years and this is the start of the 3rd year. The girls are in 4th grade. A lot has happened and I was asked to recreated a timeline for the district manager so that I can properly document and remove the girl. I am desperately trying to get her removed before our next event 12/6/19 but the DM is moving very slow. Here is a timeline summary I sent them.

November 2017 to June 2018
-the Girl E was difficult at most meetings
-mostly the ADHD and very hyper and difficult and often did not listen
-lied when asked questions

June 2018 - party at my house
-girl was disrespectful and refused to clean up or listen when asked to behave
-lied about taking a toy (not proven) because she said she brought toy over, not that it was one of my personal toys from my house. We had no idea what people brought over or not but my children said she took it and I think it unusual that people bring toys over so we'll let it slide.

November 2018
-incident with 2 other girls at meeting
-girls were not listening, running out of the room
-girls got into an altercation in my car which included unbuckling seatbelts and trying to hit each other in car while I was driving
-this lead me to have talk with entire troop and put all 3 girls on probation. Everyone in troop had to sign behavior agreement. All 3 girls were required to have parents at meetings and overnight
-the mother was going through a separation at home and often couldn't stay and said she had to pick up son and counseling.
- I gave her more flexibility than the other 2 moms because of the separation. THIS was a MISTAKE

May 2019 - Camp
-E went but had a hard time following directions.
-she did not want to do kapers (chores)
-she really didn't want to listen and sulked if the other girls did not want to do what she wanted
-she talked about being a bully and was glad of it. She said it's better to be picking on someone instead of being picked on.
-we discussed how this was inappropriate but she didn't seem to care

August 30th, 2019
-renewal for joining troop and mom decided last minute to join on last possible day. I was hoping to avoid them renewing

October 2019
-at an overnight of 4 girls she struggled to get along with the girls
-didn't listen again and got upset
-did better and didn't physically lash out but was angry
-still having some trouble at meetings but was getting better

November 15/16 2019
-lied about incidents at overnight
-Before the overnight her mom very honestly told me that they were only interested in carpooling if she could screen the kids in the car with E. Because E didn't like some of the girls in the troop. Yes I did accommodate this, however I don't think this was appropriate.
-Esaid she wasn't involved in anything.
-E and another girl pushed and trapped 3rd girl in the shower and turned it on. The 3rd girl told and other girl confirmed it.
-4th girl's notebook was stolen. Again I could not prove it but two girls said they saw E with the stolen notebook which was ripped up. So I did not make any accusations because I didn't see or catch her with it.

I feel a lot of guilt because I know she and her mom are having a rough go. But at the same time I feel like she's ruining the dynamic of the troop and causing friction with multiple other girls. I feel like I keep giving her chances to the detriment to the other kids. This makes the troop rules seem lax. I can't help but feel if I remove this girl then a lot of problems might ease.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm being too strict, or too tired. When I talked to two other troop leaders they both said if I feel that it's too much to deal with I'm a volunteer. I need to ask her to leave. I'm not paid to deal with her and the situation.

I'm not sure how this will wind up but I'll update it. If anyone wants to share how they've dealt with it.

If this were one of my kid's friends we just wouldn't see them again. Obviously it's not that simple. But I can't help but wonder in some ways isn't it the same thing? If you can't behave then people won't make playdates or want to play with you?

6 Responses to “girl scout problem”

  1. Smallsteps Says:

    It is a shame you have to deal with that so often i see those in charge simply drag their feet instead of dealing with this head on. I can see a storm brewing as so many people have accommodated this behavior so long.
    Sooner or later she will have a job or a life event where people will not bend over backwards for her. The longer she is coddled the worse the situation when someone says NO.
    If the mother sees this honestly maybe you can gently remind her that sooner or later she will end up in a situation and she will not have the coping skills to deal with it and learning to get along with others is a huge life skill to practice.

    In the meanwhile she sounds as if she is RUINING the experience for the other girls.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I feel for you, the other children and this girl. She clearly has some unresolved issues or hasn't been taught well. If parents are not in good relations and separating, then home life may be awful for her. This is likely her way of getting attention. Negative attention is even enough. I don't think you are wrong to be expecting better for the girls that are participating. Believe it or not, college parents even report awful roommate spats that sound like this.

    I hope you get support from the GS that she can be denied participation. I hope this has been communicated to the parent all along because this will be quite a shock if it hasn't.

    Praying for a good outcome for all! Hang in there LAL.

  3. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    It has been since I asked for her to stay at meetings all last year. I said it got better but I again put her on notice in September. Now this. Ugh. It is probably because of home life.

  4. Teresa Henkhaus Says:

    I feel for all of you! One thing that bothered me is the the mother wanted to screen the girls carpooling with her and her daughter. That is not Girl Scouts! I am sure that she wanted to avoid a meltdown, argument, etc. but have you spoken to her about a solution? You are not getting paid enough (yes, zero) to be stressed out like that. What are the consequences of violating the behavior agreement? The mother will need to know that. Perhaps the girl can go to another troop or go Independent (Juliette) so she can stay in Girl Scouts. She is not getting the Girl Scout experience that she should be getting (and neither are the other girls in the troop). The DM (is this a volunteer or Council paid staff) should be able to assist in the resolution. I am a GS Service Unit Manager (volunteer) in my area and we have had troops disband on issues. Fortunately most of the girls were placed in other troops.

  5. Jenn Says:

    It makes me sad to read your account and your plans because that girl needs scouts. I was a Cub Scout leader for 5 years and dealt with some behavioral issues (my boys included!) but never asked anyone to leave. I admit though that I was relieved when a particular boy decided not to renew.

    It is tough as a volunteer though - you're trying to do something good and the stress can be overwhelming. Are you the only leader for the troop or do you have other women helping?

    It could be though that another troop would be a better fit for her. And now Boy Scouts is open to girls. She might respond better to that more active environment.

  6. Butterscotch Says:

    Exclusion never solves problems, it just makes things harder.

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