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thoughts on death

February 24th, 2024 at 08:22 am

I am writing this as I came home for the weekend to see my parents.  I have a feeling this could be it for my dad.  I've certainly felt this way since we left on NYD.  I picked this weekend because it was the first we had free and I usually have been timing my visits about 8 weeks apart.  

I flew in today and the current plan is to fly out Tuesday on the red eye home.  But my gut is telling me my dad was waiting for me to come say good and tell him okay I'm here to support my mom you can go.  Last night my mom says he told her he's going to die soon, in his minute of lucidity.  He has dementia and is rarely awake. I've been here the afternoon and he's only opened his mouth to eat, I fed him, but he didn't open his eyes and he didn't say my name.

I didn't want to tell my friends or husband why I thought I was coming because it sounds really stupid to be able to predict death.  I read the hospice book gone from my sight and I can definitely see changes.  But it's strange how my dad has been able to hang on.  It seems unreal to be honest.  To be surviving this barely eating, barely awake but still here, mostly in a comatose state.  But seeing him makes me wonder does he last another 2 months like this?  I can't understand how but it doesn't appear like he's fading very fast.

I'll see if I change my tickets.  

12 Responses to “thoughts on death”

  1. Lots of Ideas Says:

    I am sorry you have reached this difficult stage of adulthood.

    I am a firm believer that except when trauma is involved, people go when they are ready.
    Sometimes they wait for people to be there.
    Sometimes they wait until they are alone with the angels.
    Being able to say goodbye is an incredible gift. You’ve received that now.
    If your mom needs you there and your life permits you to stay, I would trust your gut.

    Wishing you peace with your decision.

  2. Turtle Lover Says:

    I'm glad you are able to type out your feelings here.
    Prayers for you and your family

  3. CB in the City Says:

    Lots of Ideas said it all very well. The end stage of life is very difficult for all concerned. But it is part of the bargain -- the gift of life comes with inevitable death. It is your father's time, whether it goes quickly or slowly. You have been a good daughter, and just being his daughter is the greatest gift you can give him now.

  4. terri77 Says:

    I’m so sorry your family is going through this.

  5. Carol B. Says:

    Wishing you and your family the best during this hard time.

  6. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    Thank you. The hospice nurse comes Monday and I think we'll see what she says

  7. N Mohanty Says:

    Nice blog!

  8. N Mohanty Says:

    Wish your family be safe and blessed!

  9. PatientSaver Says:

    I'm so sorry. Such a tough time. I saw my mother for the last time just an hour before her death. She also appeared to be in a comatose state, or sleeping, when I saw her. Although she was not conscious, I told her I loved her and that it was okay for her to go. Not long after I got back home, I got a call telling me she had passed.

  10. Brunette Says:

    I'm so sorry. I lost my dad 4.5 years ago and we all knew the end was near. I think of it as God giving us peace, so we know when it's coming and giving us a little time to prepare for it. May you feel God's peace in this difficult time.

  11. Dido Says:

    I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through, and I wish him a peaceful passing.

  12. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    Thank you very much.

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