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dad's passing

March 7th, 2024 at 05:51 am

Again warning please don't read if you don't want to hear about death.

So my dad passed away this morning between the hours of 4 am - 6 am.  My mom finally went to bed at around 4 am.  She was exhausted after sitting with him pretty much all times.  She really wanted to be there holding his hand for his last breathe.  But she just couldn't stay up 24/7. 

But also my dad had transitioned to the hospice definition of "imminent" on Friday morning.  My mom called me on Thursday that my dad had stopped eating and drinking anything and she was worried. So after just getting back I jumped on the plane Friday morning.  He was asleep when I arrived, but she said he smiled when she told him Friday morning.  I believe he reacted when I touched him Friday afternoon and said I was back.  

He survived the weekend until early this Wednesday morning.  I'm not sure how or why but I think my mom wasn't ready to let him go and he was waiting for her to leave his side. I don't think my mom slept much since Thursday.  And I think my dad was waiting for her to not be with him before he passed.  

My dad's end of life was very long and draining process. It was hard watching him deteriorate this past year and not really able to judge how he was doing.  I would say that by Christmas he was very unable to comprehend seeing us except for brief moments.  But since February he was declining quickly it appeared by becoming most immobile and non-verbal.  I knew saying good by at Christmas that was the last time I would really talk to my dad and say I love you.  

But I came back because my mom couldn't be alone.  So I came back and I'm glad to be here with her.  It'll be hard but we'll see what happens.  They managed to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary and while she's taking it hard, I know she'll be okay eventually.  Gotta enjoy life before it runs out. 

"No amount of money bought another second of time."  No matter what we all wish.  Sometimes we get so focused on money and getting to the endgame we forget to enjoy the journey along the way.  And the journey is the best part.

18 Responses to “dad's passing”

  1. mumof2 Says:

    so sorry to hearof your dads passing, I do think he waited for your mom not to be there with him so it may be easier for her...I believe that kind of my hubby and I are celebrating 35 years of marriage this year...time flies...she will appreciate you being there with her....I know it will be hard but you all need to take the time to appreciate his life and the amazing times you had with him

  2. Wink Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. Take care.

  3. Turtle Lover Says:

    It's good to hear that you got to see him and touch him before he passed.
    Prayers for you and your family

  4. Lots of Ideas Says:

    I am sorry for your loss,

    Some people hold on until someone gets there. Some prefer to cross over alone.
    I hope your mother finds peace and your memories comfort you all.

  5. Suemn Says:

    Hugs to you! I know you'll never regret being there for your dad and mom.

  6. anonymous Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. May you and your family find some peace in the fact that your father is no long suffering. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  7. Petunia 100 Says:

    I'm so sorry, LAL.

  8. MonkeyMama Says:

    I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there, during this difficult time.

  9. Brunette Says:

    Time is precious and you were lucky to be able to get to spend all the time you did. I pray for peace for you and your mother as you navigate this difficult time. It never gets better, but it does get easier.

  10. CB in the City Says:

    I am so sorry. It was a long and difficult process, but you were with him and I believe he knew in some sense. It's good that you can be with your mother. She is going to be fine, but I know she really needs you now.

  11. Kym Fisher Says:

    Please accept my sincere and deepest condolences on the passing of your dad.

  12. LifeBalance Says:

    Take care of yourself LAL while you're helping your mom. I found that in the year after my mom's death, I would experience waves of grief when i realized again and again that she was gone. Like when the kids did something cute that i wanted to tell her. Or during holidays.

    It's a blessing that you could be there with him. You'll always remember those days and know that you were able to be a comfort.

  13. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    thank you all for your kind words. Now I need to move on and get back to real life.

  14. PatientSaver Says:

    I'm so sorry....Losing a parent is so difficult.

  15. LuckyRobin Says:

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It's a hard time, even when it is time.

  16. terri77 Says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you were there for your parents.

  17. Dido Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.

  18. ceejay74 Says:

    Very sorry for your loss; I know how hard it is. That is interesting what you said about him hanging on while your mom was there; my mom hung on way longer than she should've (or probably wanted to) but her steepest decline happened when I agreed to stay overnight in her hospital room and my dad went home to get some proper sleep for the first time in days. I had to call him to come in early in the morning because it became clear she wasn't going to last much longer. Maybe a coincidence, but in a way, maybe there's something to what you said. It makes me a little sad, but I also know that my mom was suffering and not enjoying life at all anymore, so if I indirectly hastened the end, it was probably for the best.

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