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the transition stage

February 27th, 2024 at 09:51 pm

I apologize in advance for writing about death.  Please skip if you do not want to hear. 

So yesterday the hospice nurse came and put my dad on transition.  That means she said he has another 10-14 days.  She wasn't quite sure he was there since he's doing quite "well".  He's definitely starting the decline, but death is something hard to predict.  Also things can take a turn for the worse quickly and he could go into "imminent" death.  I decided I'm going home today for a few days to wrap up stuff and then come back.  I am debating buying my ticket Sunday night or Monday.  Fortunately my aunt decided to come sit with my mom or the weekend Friday to Sunday so she won't be alone. I also told my mom that if my dad stops eating completely, which is it eating if it's mush?  Then I'll turn around and come back because it will be imminent.  The hospice nurse is coming now three days a week, she only allowed them once a week.

It's also hard because my mom can't decide what she wants to do.  She wants to do nothing I think.  But then that's her speaking in the now.  The now being while he's alive and she says she wants nothing.  But after is that how she will really feel?  Also maybe because it's a small town there is one mortuary in town.  And they often take 3-4 weeks to get the body ready or cremated.  It's just the nature of the town.  So I know my mom says she wants nothing but then when pushed she's like "oh I guess a few family and friends."  Then when I tell her the truth that I won't be bringing the kids back during the school year for a weekend, she gets upset.  But the reality is that if she does want to do something before the summer then it'll be too difficult for them to come for 2-3 days.  I'll come like I do now for a couple of days, but otherwise we will do our normal summer trip.  We will not be coming for Christmas or February break since we already booked a trip at that time.  I will likely sneak a trip back to see my grandmother after the summer but it'll be short and just me.  

Something I've learned that during these times the amount of money spent is finite.  The end game happens and it doesn't matter afterwards because the person is gone.  The help you get is amazing.  I am thankful to all the wonderful friends who have supported me and helped with carpooling.  The clients and friends who accomodated their schedule to allow for flexible work.  And of course my DH.  Trying his best to manage everything and holding donwn the fort.  I hope he doesn't die trying.

4 Responses to “the transition stage”

  1. terri77 Says:

    This such a trying time for you & your mom. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  2. MonkeyMama Says:

    Sorry to read what your family is going through. Hang in there.

  3. Lots of Ideas Says:

    A celebration of Life can happen any time the family wants.
    A picnic at a favorite park with loved ones, a party at a local restaurant, a church service attended by others.
    You will know what do when the time is right.

  4. Suemn Says:

    It's so hard to lose parents. I'm sure it's especially hard for you since you live so far from them. I'm sure your mom is very appreciative for all the support you are giving to her.

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