I can't lie and say I don't like spending money, I really do. It's funny.  I still have the saving muscle. It's innate.  It's next to impossible to turn off.  But I like spending money.  The problem?  How much guilt I still feel when I do.  My DH?  No guilt.  He doesn't know what anything costs and just goes along for the ride.  Huh, we sure are staying at nice hotels.  We sure buy nice food for the house. Hmmm my beer is always craft.  Hmmm the whisky I get is quite pricey I think.  

Just the little things are slowly getting upgraded.  That I can slowly accept and wrap my head around.  Clothes still on sale and still at old navy and target for the kids, but less goodwill.   Less looking for everything second hand because I'm tired.  Less chasing sales at stores and going from store to store.  Basically not streching the dollar till it screams but just sensibly spending. This I like.  I like valuing my time as worth more.

I also take better care of our health.  Better food, more exercise, more dr visits or anything that might help us take care of ourselves.  These small expenditures you might have quibbled about before.  That I can accept without flinching.  

I also love treating people to dinner.  I like paying for our family. I don't mind treating them or wincing at the check.  It's more about being with them and not worrying about splitting a bill with friends.  Now it's like going out to dinner is not going to break the bank or the budget anymore.  This took me awhile but i'd say in the last few years we've gotten there.  Just like I order what I want because I want to eat it, not because I'm looking the best deal (i still like a good deal though). 

Now I look at things through the lens more of what am I buying? What is the value?   Does it save me time?  Money?  Is it valuable to me?  It's weird.  

The real guilt is the luxury I now pay for.  It started last summer with our trip to Peru.  I believe I posted pictures.  I'll be posting pictures of our trip to Japan soon.  But this year I upgraded our travel again.  I thought last year only time for business. Then I snagged more mileage tickets for the kids in business and decided why not?  We've got lots of miles.  So I did. 

But it isn't only this trip to Japan. It's a lot of our trips this year.  I had a ton of upgrade certificates and cheap mileage tickets so we kept on ugprading.  Multiple flights.  It seems to be snowballing.  Good deal?  I'm hopping on it.  Before I probably would pass because I might not afford it.  But now it seems like we are accruing miles and ugprades faster than ever and the value seems more because of it.

Then DH and i are celebrating our 20th anniversary this year.  We wanted to go on a "big" trip since we missed 5, 10, 15.  But my mom made me feel guilty about leaving the kids so we pushed our trip to 2030 when they leave and we do a big 25th.  Instead we're going to Cabo for 5 days and 4 nights.  This is our 5th trip without the kids.  First one was in 2011 one night away in hawaii to another city while my mom kept DK1.  2017 was our first trip without both kids a long weekend and DH's 40th.  Then 2/2024 we left the kids overnight with a friend and saw adele in concert in Vegas.  Then in 12/2024 my mom watched the kids for 3 days while we went to DH's work retreat.  this will be our longest and farthest trip we've taken.  

So we definitely are spending money. It wasn't even on my radar until DH said he'd like for us to do something alone together.  So I didn't buy a package. I did use an alaska companion fare, but I didn't buy a package because I wasn't sure what i wanted.  I will admit I am feeling guilty over the flights and this extra cabo trip.

But that's the purpose of Paula Pant afford anything podcasts and the wealth ladder and die with zero.  Sometimes we get so caught up in saving we forget how to spend or how to enjoy what we've worked hard for.

I listened to Nick Maggiuli on Afford Anything with Paula Pant https://affordanything.com/629-nick-maggiulli-the-wealth-ladder-has-six-rungs-and-most-people-never-climb-past-four/

I read the book as well from the library.  It was very interesting.  The levels?

1 - $0-10k

2 - $10-100k

3 $100k - $1m

4 $1m-10M

5 $10m-$100m

6 $100m+ 

His point is most people never get beyond level 4.  And the advice changes as you go along.  The bottom 2 levels how much you make is the most important lever  you pull and work at to get there.  But the average person saving 40 years can get to level 3.  They can also get there by buying a home. Most home owners are level 3 or 4.  Then the 18% of people can get to level 4.  That's impressive considering the range.  

But the jump to level 5 is like 10% so less than 1 in 10.  Sounds right since it's only 1.68% of the population and 100M is 0.05%.  His point is that most people stop before $10m because they've won the game.  They are ready to get off.

I can tell just from this board, ER, Bogelheads most people never get to $10m not because they couldn't but they aren't willing to work and save.  They pull the ripcord long before then and are satisfied.  That's what he was talking about Paula Pant.  That having enough.

He said honestly getting to level 5 most people need to do more than work a high paying job. They usually need to take some sort of risk to get that outsized wealth.  And I needed to hear that.  I feel like DH and I have recently made gains in our net worth.  We've been seeing more gains than adding to the portfolio.  So it's hard to be motivated.  Honsestly I think I could hang it up and be done. DH waivers but I think he'd just want a less stressful job.

But this summer as i listened to the podcast I got it. I too would rather hang it up early and never get to rung 5 and i'd be satisfied.  And about 1% of people aren't.  But the 99% of us are.  And once you are there do you need more?  It's okay to coast. It's okay to spend a litle more because you are okay with where you are.  You can stop saving that amount.

So it's started.  In June we went on a week road trip and visited a bunch of schools.  Yes I have a kid who just finished freshman year and is about to start sophomore year.  I have a kid who "thought" they knew what they wanted and what school and what career field.  Came out of this trip completely 180.  

Now she's thinking maybe a school where she doesn't have to declare and get admitted to a major would be great.  It might be fun to explore.  She is now interested in taking multiple different courses in high school to explore instead of focusing "depth" in the major she "thought" she wanted to go into.  That the idea of school she thought she wanted to go to might not be the right fit since maybe she wants a college experience and not a co-op.  The college visits turned everything on it's head.  She is now starting over what she really wants to do in life and in high school.

Since you all have followed DH and my journey of career changing and not really understanding that we should have done what made us happy, not our parents.  That we shouldn't have picked careers our parents picked for us.  That when you love what you do, you really are better at it and exceed expectations instead of being merely average.  Probably because you work harder because you really like it and not just "tolerate" something you are good at.

So another part of this journey was looking at the price tag of these places.  I had my suspicions for years now that DK1 would need a smaller school.  I was suprised that she is interested in exploring more some of the bigger schools but maybe.  I was surprised she wanted a city and hated college towns and small towns.  I thought she'd want something smaller and quieter.

But that being said what also was interesting was the price tag and the conversation it started.  When she looked at the colleges and said stack ranked them we pulled out the websites and checked out what it would cost to go.  It was surprising the variation and costs.  So she said should i even bother applying?  Can we afford it? 

I said yes, we can afford anything.  I then pulled out the investment accounts and started going over the 529, ESA, and UGMA. i explained that the UGMA taxable i had hopes she didn't need to use it for college.  That it would be a reward and seed money for the future.  A house, a car, a wedding, anything.  It was eye opening.

I have to say I don't get reading posts about college why more parents aren't telling their kids in freshman or sophomore year that they can't afford it.  That you can go to the Ivy League or private school but we didn't save money or we can't afford it.  Why aren't they having the tough conversation and being honest.  

We can't afford many things in life.  We can't afford to fly first class.  We can't afford a BMW.  We can't afford private high school.  We can't afford a bigger house.  We can't afford a 5 star hotel.  We can't afford name brand clothes.  People do tell their kids we can't afford it.  But why aren't they having the conversation in the early part of high school instead of senior or even junior year?  Why aren't they telling them that no matter how big a scholarship we likely can't afford it.  That we can only contribute $X.

There is nothing wrong with not affording it.  Maybe you got laid off, had an accident, got divorced, overspent, or have your own school loans.  It's not a requirement to be a good parent to save for college. It's a privilege.

But i think being honest and telling your kid the truth should be a requirement.  That helping them make a wise decision is good parenting.  That having them learn about affordability before they sink into a debt hole is good parents.  That telling them the future of having student loan payments if you can't afford it.

Why are we so afraid of the conversation?  Why are we so afraid to tell our kids the truth?  Telling my DK1 the truth also allowed me to bring up inheriting my mom's estate.  I put broad strokes that they would be inheriting from my mom directly.  I didn't say how much but more they will be okay and even if they go on to graduate or professional school they will be inheriting enough to cover the cost and will walk out without student loans.

My DK1 passed her driving test on Monday.  She can't officially get her license until she turns 16 in January but still it's a big deal and accomplishment.  It is a bit unreal that time has gone by so quickly.  A year ago she started freshman year and she'll be a sophomore.  She will be driving to school in January.  Our insurance is going to go through the roof.

Another consideration is I wanted to wait until the end of 2025 and potentially buy another tesla.  But the $7500 EV credit is going away end of September.  We will only qualify for it for 2024 and never again.  We bought a 2021 tesla Y last year but used for $30k.  And it's worked out great.  But now I really want AI5 for the newest generation of tesla and we were hoping to make use of the tax credit.  This would be an awesome year since we'll be in the 37% bracket.  That means it's worth like 3x that value to us.  But I am not sure i want to buy HW 4 when AI5 is around the corner. 

We're paying cash for the car but I looked into leasing to wait it out.  But the money factor or interest rate is 8%.  Crazy.  If they let me prepay it and 0% lease then fine.  But they won't.  So I guess leasing is out of the question right now.  IF interest rates come down I can see us leasing so that we can have the cutting edge technoloy in self driving.  Something we personally find super valuable.  Maybe others don't but we need it.

Anyway I guess another thing to consider is if we buy a 4th car now we will pay an extra $1k in insurance for 6 months.  I'm not sure how to balance losing the tax credit or buying the car now? I wish we could have till end of the year.

Thoughts on what we should do?