I can't lie and say I don't like spending money, I really do. It's funny. I still have the saving muscle. It's innate. It's next to impossible to turn off. But I like spending money. The problem? How much guilt I still feel when I do. My DH? No guilt. He doesn't know what anything costs and just goes along for the ride. Huh, we sure are staying at nice hotels. We sure buy nice food for the house. Hmmm my beer is always craft. Hmmm the whisky I get is quite pricey I think.
Just the little things are slowly getting upgraded. That I can slowly accept and wrap my head around. Clothes still on sale and still at old navy and target for the kids, but less goodwill. Less looking for everything second hand because I'm tired. Less chasing sales at stores and going from store to store. Basically not streching the dollar till it screams but just sensibly spending. This I like. I like valuing my time as worth more.
I also take better care of our health. Better food, more exercise, more dr visits or anything that might help us take care of ourselves. These small expenditures you might have quibbled about before. That I can accept without flinching.
I also love treating people to dinner. I like paying for our family. I don't mind treating them or wincing at the check. It's more about being with them and not worrying about splitting a bill with friends. Now it's like going out to dinner is not going to break the bank or the budget anymore. This took me awhile but i'd say in the last few years we've gotten there. Just like I order what I want because I want to eat it, not because I'm looking the best deal (i still like a good deal though).
Now I look at things through the lens more of what am I buying? What is the value? Does it save me time? Money? Is it valuable to me? It's weird.
The real guilt is the luxury I now pay for. It started last summer with our trip to Peru. I believe I posted pictures. I'll be posting pictures of our trip to Japan soon. But this year I upgraded our travel again. I thought last year only time for business. Then I snagged more mileage tickets for the kids in business and decided why not? We've got lots of miles. So I did.
But it isn't only this trip to Japan. It's a lot of our trips this year. I had a ton of upgrade certificates and cheap mileage tickets so we kept on ugprading. Multiple flights. It seems to be snowballing. Good deal? I'm hopping on it. Before I probably would pass because I might not afford it. But now it seems like we are accruing miles and ugprades faster than ever and the value seems more because of it.
Then DH and i are celebrating our 20th anniversary this year. We wanted to go on a "big" trip since we missed 5, 10, 15. But my mom made me feel guilty about leaving the kids so we pushed our trip to 2030 when they leave and we do a big 25th. Instead we're going to Cabo for 5 days and 4 nights. This is our 5th trip without the kids. First one was in 2011 one night away in hawaii to another city while my mom kept DK1. 2017 was our first trip without both kids a long weekend and DH's 40th. Then 2/2024 we left the kids overnight with a friend and saw adele in concert in Vegas. Then in 12/2024 my mom watched the kids for 3 days while we went to DH's work retreat. this will be our longest and farthest trip we've taken.
So we definitely are spending money. It wasn't even on my radar until DH said he'd like for us to do something alone together. So I didn't buy a package. I did use an alaska companion fare, but I didn't buy a package because I wasn't sure what i wanted. I will admit I am feeling guilty over the flights and this extra cabo trip.
But that's the purpose of Paula Pant afford anything podcasts and the wealth ladder and die with zero. Sometimes we get so caught up in saving we forget how to spend or how to enjoy what we've worked hard for.
August 20th, 2025 at 04:29 am 1755660596
Sometimes you have to prioritize frugality to keep food on the table and roof overhead.
Others you have a little extra so you put in the time to stretch money to make it go further.
Other times you swap money for time, comfort, memories.
As long as you know what stage you are in, no need to feel guilty.
August 20th, 2025 at 12:45 pm 1755690318
Of course, it goes without saying that what requires discipline and practice is saving and investing.
August 20th, 2025 at 09:25 pm 1755721523
August 24th, 2025 at 05:30 am 1756009844
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August 24th, 2025 at 07:48 am 1756018099
August 24th, 2025 at 02:49 pm 1756043382
I only wish that I could have realized I would be okay years earlier. I spent so much of my working years focused solely on work and squirreling money away for retirement, and there was a degree of anxiety that as a solo female, I might run into trouble somewhere down the road. I wish that I could have been more generous with my mother, for instance, who did live a frugal life out of necessity with a low income as a full-time artist. Looking back now, I would have really liked to treat her more to little splurges she never took for herself. It wouldn't have broken the bank.
September 3rd, 2025 at 05:48 pm 1756918109
I don't think I have that problem! While it's neat to see that my portfolio hasn't taken a hit since I retired, I am okay with it depleting over time. That's what it's for. I don't have a goal to leave a large inheritance for my kids - instead I'm helping them set themselves up (with good decisions - not an influx of cash) while they're young. I've told them that if they inherit much, it'll be because I died prematurely.
September 17th, 2025 at 07:39 am 1758091161
October 2nd, 2025 at 04:54 am 1759377291