LivingAlmostLarge's Personal Finance Blog

Okay so I've meet with 2 realtors and 3rd tomorrow afternoon. I've also met with one painter and am calling 2 more painters today and tile guy. We decided we are going to aim to list our house April 29th. It's time.

Are we moving? Yes. Where? I have no idea. We are going to move cross country without a job. Unsure where exactly but that will likely become more clear in the next few months.

Financially one realtor, the one who sold us the house, said she'd list it at $699k and see what bidding war happens. A direct comp (townhouse on our street) sold in fall 2012 for $695k and the market is even stronger now, so getting $699k is very conservatively likely. This market is late this year because of the weather so we aren't missing the spring market though we're listing so late. There is nothing on the market now and if we were ready to sell next Wednesday we'd likely have a bidding frenzy. But due to the nature of getting ready we just can't.

Houses are selling like hot cakes in my market without mortgage contingencies or home inspections contingencies. This is a seller's market and we need to take advantage of what might be another bubble. We owe I believe $385k so if we sell for $700k after our realtor fees we'll walk away with $280k. In many areas of the country it's enough to buy a house. Where we want to move to, probably not. But it's a substantial down payment on whatever we want to buy. Of course when we move we aren't buying for at least a year.

So we had two late/overdraft fees last month. Because February is 28 days my DH set up auto deposit into our checking for the 28th of the month and it didn't hit until the 3rd. So some of bills I auto pay on the 1st would have cleared if the cash got deposited on time. We were over by $65 anyway and BofA protected us by transferring some from our savings float. Still they charged us $10 and I was annoyed with my DH for not setting up deposits on the 1st of the month.

But I called and they waived the fees since we don't do it very often. They were actually very nice about it. I wonder if we should deposit more into the checking instead of cutting it so close. Usually there is a $500 buffer but the deposit being late ate that up.

We are exploring our options right now and I have a call out to the realtor who sold us our house. We really liked and trusted her and she's very experienced and lived in our neighborhood. She did us a big favor helping us get our place and guiding us what neighborhoods.

So now do we just hire her back and go with her recommendations? Or do we contact other realtors say 2 others and get an idea what our place is worth? Have them do comps and show us what they can offer?

Last time we also with the realtor who sold us our place. But she was my friend's mom and we knew she had our best interest at heart. At the same time, when we were selling she told us to call 2 other realtors and ask for comps and we did and she came in "dead on" with the other two estimates and we sold for $1k above what she priced at in the 1st weekend in a bidding war. So I believe she was good and secure in knowing we trusted her.

This realtor we know was suggested by the relocation company. But she seems like our old realtor someone whose been in the business over 20 years, lives where she sell, etc. She didn't get in during the boom and has lasted.

But should we talk to others? What's the etiquette?

Further I contacted from craigslist some apartments to discuss potential month to month rentals and how to handle that. There are a few places both cheaper and more expensive than what we are spending that based on location we could be happy with.

This week my goal today is to try and list a few items for sale and donate at least 1 box. I am determined if we are selling I am going to minimize the amount we are going to move. We can't hold onto baby stuff anymore. Perhaps we'll have a third child, that is not off the table, but shelved until after we move. I am a little sad because I feel my kids are getting older and so am I, but at the same time I know that a move isn't easy with 2 and we certainly couldn't take this risk with 3 kids. So perhaps it'll still happen.

With the greater publicity about white cops shooting african american people, a friend of mine commented that the US doesn't appear to making progress in the race wars. I said I think actually there has been a lot of progress racially but in the us class wars are rising. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I live in a very blue part of the US and I don't think people judge others by the color of their skin. But I think that a lot of people are judging others based on where they live, their education, their jobs.

I mean it seems pretty obvious just talking to people, so many are very much into "sending their kids to the right schools." After all it'll affect where they go to college and a state school isn't good enough. Or sending their kid now to private versus public school. You can sort of see a divide between blue and white collar jobs.

My friend lives in also a blue state but not as affluent. She said she'd have to look closer to see if there were class wars where we she versus her perceived race wars. She felt like where she lived there wasn't such a pronounced difference between those who were "upper middle class and above" and those below.

Do you think the US faces bigger racial or class warfare? Do we even have a problem?

I find it stunning that so many women have no clue about their family finances. I mean literally no clue. Now you'd think okay maybe because they are stay at home moms? Nope. Turns out that many of them are also working moms. It doesn't appear to matter. I find it incredible that so many women in a marriage have no idea what they have saved, make, or spend in a month. I'll tell you a few different stories recently which left me wondering WTF?

Dr H is a primary care doctor with three kids and her husband works as well. They are super busy and never have time to manage their money. They are pretty frugal and don't overspend and save a lot. BUT they could be saving more. Unfortunately neither Dr H and DH haven't a clue what they spend. They went to their financial advisor and said we were thinking about buying Amazon Prime to save on shipping. The FA said "you've been paying for 5 years for Amazon prime and had no idea you've been paying it?" DH said "I just pay our bills in full, we've never looked." Dr H tells me and a friend this story and says the FA told them they should probably try to see what they are spending their money on. Thankfully they make enough to not care, but it could be detrimental.

Friend Mrs. C is a full time school teacher. She has no idea what she makes or what they save. She says her husband takes care of everything and he tells her what she can spend on groceries. She says that she's sure he's taking care of their retirement but has no idea if she even has a Roth IRA or college accounts for the kids.

As you all are aware Mrs A is the financial train wreck of a stay at home mom. Has no idea what they make or spend and figures if they made more they'd be fine. Her husband is having his wages garnished by the IRS because he hasn't paid taxes in 7 years and filed in as many. They are being audited.

Another friend Mrs K also works part-time is being audited because her husband handles all the money and she too has no idea what it's being spent on.

I have many, many more friends both working full and part-time, and non working moms, NONE of which have any clue how they are spending their money. They have no idea what their mortgage is, but they know what daycare costs. They have no idea if they have a retirement account or how much they are saving.

I found it incredible that all these well educated women have completely handed over control of the finances to their partners/spouses. They have no clue if these people are being at all responsible. They have no idea what they have saved for retirement if anything. They just assume whatever financial decisions are being made are the right ones.

Granted the two under audit have realized that something is not right, but still. Does it take getting audited for someone to get concerned? And when I said perhaps they should take over the finances the response was "it's too much work and it was a mistake."

Really? I know that people of both genders here on SA are more concerned and aware of finances than the general population. But I can't wrap my head around women just having no idea about their finances period. And literally they aren't even worried or concerned that they could be eating cat food when they get older or are in debt, or not paying taxes.

My DH and I are both aware of our finances. He's not as detail oriented, but he knows the gist and well aware of our spending habits and our savings plan. He knows roughly what we spend and doesn't care for those details. We make joint decisions and I'm well aware of ALL accounts and track them. I know it's a bit obsessive, but why don't more people care?

I knew my DH had to be more lazy and obnoxious. Today there were layoffs at his company. 40% of his department. Many of his friends are saying good bye, but not him. DAMN IT! If he'd have gotten laid off we'd be moving yet again. It's like all these signs are saying stay. But let's reflect on the possibilities. They may still fire him next year when they let go of the rest of the department. But can we afford to wait? And will everyone else in his department start jumping ship?

Honestly this layoff was perfect. We would have moved this summer and put the house on next month and moved in June. My DH could have started a 12 week internship with 100% placement June 1st and been set with a job in the fall. He talked with them and is definitely qualified to make this job switch. NO I am not pressuring him. Actually he is taking online courses to learn python (programming) and R. This is to help with his transition and has been doing so since January. Long term he wants to transition to this career field.

Now it would have been perfect. Our DK1 is starting kindergarten in the fall so that would work out timing wise as well. Yes we would have rented and who knows what we would have gotten for our house, but it still would have been the best possibility for us.

Now what do we do? As I write this I have to wait another couple hours for my DH to get home and talk more. I am not sure whether we should just sell the house and prepare to move in September. I think that it's possible in September or October he'll do the 12 week intensive internship and leave his job in which case it would be in San Francisco or Seattle. This would mean that selling with the spring market would be the best situation for us.

Am I worried about not having a job? Absolutely and why the severance and unemployement would have been ideal for us. Besides the fact I think that we were hoping for unlike many of my DH's friends who don't want to move or get laid off. I wish he could have taken on of their spots. They wouldn't be worried about what happens after the severance and unemployment runs out. What if they can't find a job in the field and have to change careers?

This is a weird day. I don't know what the future holds but I think that we just have to keep on moving forward no matter what. If we move to SF it'll be hard, the money we have saved I'm not sure how long it will last. We've got over $100k in cash now, and if I can land a job then we'd likely be able to stretch indefinitely. My DH refuses to touch our home equity, that's to be rolled over into our next house. Seattle I know we can more likely live at least a year or more without jobs but a job again would help our cash cushion.

But now what? For those of you following my crazy posts thanks a lot. I know it seems bipolar but it really is this emotional and hard to keep it all inside.

So remember my story about my crazy, broke friend Mrs A? She's the one who lives in her mom's apartment, doesn't pay rent, has three kids, drives a mercedes, shops only at whole food, and complains about how expensive everything is. Well Mrs A posted on Facebook that she spent $170 on going to the movies with her family over the weekend and said it was so unfair. She wrote it's unfair that going to the movies is an elitist event and since when did it happen that taking a family of 5 is so expensive?

I didn't respond because I personally don't think the movie has to be so expensive an event. It isn't cheap but it's not the most expensive thing you can do.

So I saw her a couple of days later and asked her how did it break down to being so damn expensive. She said it was two adults, their babysitter (13), two kids 4 and 5 and the 1 year old. Their tickets cost $70 alone. They went to a deluxe theater and saw Sponge Bob in 3D. Then another $100 for food and snacks since they went at 6 pm.

Okay I have to say anyway you cut it I guess the problem is they didn't even try to minimize costs by going to a matinee or buying discount movie tickets at $8/each at Costco. Then for five people it would have been $40 plus 3D fee. Save them at least $3-5/each person. Then if they had gone at a different time instead of dinner perhaps they wouldn't have needed snacks. And why not bring in their own snacks or juice box at least?

Do you take your family to the movies? Is it middle class? I think Mrs A personally went above and beyond what any middle class family would have spent. And perhaps the movies isn't a "middle" class activity anymore.

I asked myself would I spend $30 for an activity for me and family? I don't think so. But I have spent close to that going to the Monteray aquarium or CA academy of sciences. But both times that was the entrance fee and we brought our own lunches to save. So I tried to minimize the expense and maximize the experience.

But the movies? I'd like to think I'd buy one big popcorn for $10 and tell my kids that's it share it. And the movie tickets and my own juice boxes.

But of course perhaps it's wrong to bring my own juice box but I bring in my own water bottle even now. Whereas before I never bought popcorn, since we go so infrequently I pony up for popcorn.

What do others with kids and without kids do?

So we are not sure what to do whether we should sell our home and rent. Background and some information. We are planning on moving June 2016 no matter what. DH is quitting his job and we are leaving the area to relocated cross country. This could happen sooner if the right opportunity arises. Unfortunately his most recent interview did not work out. So we plan on selling our townhouse next spring no matter what. But we have one year to live where currently are or sell.

We live in a nice 3bd/2.5ba townhouse (1700 sq ft) with parking spots in good school district. DH commute is 30 minutes driving and 1 hour by public transit. We owe $385k on our place and conservatively we could sell for $750k right now. Our current monthly payments are $1700 mortgage, $550 property taxes, $250 HOA = $2500/month. Our utilities we pay a balanced budget of $250 electric and $300 natural gas (last month our gas/heat bill was $700).

If we were to move we would be looking at paying around $2k/month to rent a 2 bd condo 1200 sq ft. However it would be a 30 minute commute by public transit and less driving. A few of these rentals include heat and hot water including one I found for $2195/month 2 bd. The school district is also good but the commuting location is better.

So the question is should we sell our place and lock in our equity? Perhaps it'll go up more in the next year but we are really betting on is that nothing will happen to our condo in the next year. That we won't be hit by any big repairs.

When I look at it I know financially it makes most sense to stay put right? I mean we are paying around $850 interest and $850 principal. And the interest and property taxes are deductible and principal payments are enforced savings. So in effect we are paying to rent our place $1300/month with HOA + interest/property taxes (taxes deducted out). Versus $2k to rent a smaller but better located apartment.

So how do I calculate what's better? What am I missing out?

I am horrified by how many people are trying to keep up with the Joneses. I don't pry into people's lives and I certainly don't ask questions about income or finances but this week has been sad and eye opening.

Right now the weather sucks. So my DK2 is in an early intervention group for speech. Kiddo is delayed probably due to hearing impairment. The group has probably 8-9 kids and we "drop off" our toddlers for 1.5 hours to interact and speak with each other and teachers. During this time we often sit and chit chat in a room while we wait since we can't leave the building. You get to know these people, this is my 3rd week. So this week with the bad weather people were discussing parking, driving, and cars. One woman just bought a brand new 2015 lexus IS350. But she said it's leased and great in the snow. While guy next to me said he and his wife had just leased 2014 Honda Accords and CR-V. I said I own a subaru. The conversation continues and both people are talking about not being able to save for college or any money. I bite my tongue from saying "well probably leasing these fancy cars are the reason." But what can you say right?

The next day I am having a playdate with a friend (Ms A) who I've always known has money problems. They make more than enough money but can't seem to pay any bills and spends money like it's water. Ms A has three kids, lives pretty much rent free with her mom, and her husband makes $60k/year cash. Her mom owns a multifamily building and they live in a big unit and should be paying $1500 (way under market value, should be closer to $4500/month) but often don't pay her mom. Ms A husband doesn't file taxes and mostly works for cash as a mechanic/construction/snow plow. She says to me on Wednesday "if only we made $120k or double what we make now and all our financial problems would go away. I know we'd be able to move out and afford everything." I again had to bite my tongue from saying there is no way doubling your income would help. She only shops at Whole Foods, buys organic food only, uses babysitters to go to yoga, pays the minimum on her CC, gets laser hair removal, and drives a mercedes. She makes bad financial decisions and I've seen it when she pulls out three different cards and says "charge 1 kid on each card to go to a museum or playspace." Making more money is not going to help her.

I like to believe the glass is half full and from reading SA and other sites I think there are people saving money. I'd like to think most people are fiscally responsible. Then a week like this happens and it's depressing. It's depressing knowing that people driving these new fancy cars Lexus, Benz, etc can't really afford it like I assume they can.

The two parents in the toddler group I hope the best, and perhaps they have a great reason for leasing their cars. But since they can't seem to save I don't think so.

As for my friend? Ms A is a lost cause and perhaps when she grows up and her mother kicks her out then she'll suddenly realize more money = more happiness and the ability to save. You should be able to save no matter what the income.

On a good note DH got an average review at work and a raise. I think 3%. Best in his department considering most are on probation. It should make him happy but instead it makes him depressed.

Apparently we are in for another 24" of snow. I've had enough. Yet another snow day. I'm crying out "uncle" and still it comes. And all we can look forward to is more snow Thursday. Of course that's the good news.

My bad news? DH didn't get jobs he interviewed for so now we are stuck. How stuck? I don't know. But we are moving forward with a few plans.

We are at a crux. Quit and move? Get an internship and transition quickly into a new field? Or take courses and transition slowly. DH is taking courses to transition. There are so many balls in the air I'm not sure what to try catching.

Financially we are just trudging along. Our FU fund is pleasantly plump and perhaps that's best. My DH had a moment of weakness after finding out he didn't get the job and said "I hate the idea of staying at my job another year. I can't stand it." Perfect storm? Perhaps.

I hate where we live and despise it. DH hates the new management trying to get all of them to quit or fired. 40% of his department have been told they're getting bad reviews and being put on probation. He's in the "okay" average bunch. But it's depressing and he's unhappy with the new management.

I don't know what to say or do. I asked if he wants to just quit and take courses and transition. He says he needs time to think. But the overall misery at work I think is making him depressed.

So do we chuck it all now? Do we muster on and try to transition to a new career? Do we just throw caution to the wind? I don't know. I swear it feels like a roller coaster and one where I have no idea where the end is, I'm just hanging on hoping I can stay on.

Seriously winter sucks. I can't believe how much snow there is. I have ice dams hanging off my house. I also have 2 inches of ice on my stairs, life is not good right now. But seriously I am finding that my friends are splintering into two groups. Those with money and those with less.

The group with money often don't even realize their lifestyle is not the norm. For instance recently they are SAHM who on a snow day hire a babysitter and go to the spa. I was told "we deserve it, spent all day cooped up inside. It was tiring yesterday and we are used our "me" time," since the kids normally go to preschool in the mornings. I was invited but said sorry too expensive a day. My DH hears this story and the invite and said "what part of staying at home with your kids is hiring sitters and going to the spa?" I hear that a lot recently from a group of moms, "we deserve time away from the kids. You should send them full time and get time to yourself. How unaffordable can it be?" I'm seeing a pattern.

Of course on the flip side you see those moms who either stay at home and say they can't do anything. Or who are working and say they have no money because everything goes to childcare. I hear complaints from these friends about how hard it is to do anything. And I find it interesting that mom's who stay at home but with a very tight budget are offended by the suggestion to work. And those who work are horrified at the idea that if didn't work they'd have to live on half or reduced income.

The pattern I'm seeing is that very few people are actually satisfied with what they have or make. Very people understand or realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side or that some people are satisfied with less money.

I mean the people who have money rolling in have no idea how to people live on so little money. You just can't when you are used a certain lifestyle. And those who have less can't fathom spending that much and desire more but aren't willing to make a sacrifice of working more. While dual income families are jealous of those not working but never stop to examine how much less often times the single income families are living on.

I rarely make financial comments to friends because I doubt they would listen. But I really want to shake them all and say be satisfied and realized people make difference choices for different reasons. That if you choose to work then realize you make more than the family who has one breadwinner.

But when will people learn? What would happen if more people were satisfied with what they have?

We've got great coverage for our health insurance through my DH's job. However less and less is being covered and "co-pays" and premiums are going through the roof. It's going up faster than our raises percentage wise. I know others here will weigh in but I hadn't really thought about it till I looked at my DH's paystub this month and cringed a little.

In 2015 we are paying $135/biweekly (26 payments) for family health insurance. We paid in 2014 $119/biweekly for an increase of 13.4% in one year. In 2013 we paid $101/biweekly for an increase in 2014 of 17.8%! In 2012 we paid $96/biweekly for an increase of "only" 5.2%. In 2011 we were paying $84/biweekly for our family plan for an increase of 14.3%. In 2010 when we had our first child and moved to a family plan it was $82/biweekly so the increase was only 2.4%

So in 5 years our premiums have gone up 65%. I imagine in probably the next two years we will have doubled our premium cost. What can be said and done? I don't have a clue. I guess we just suck it up and say I hope we get a raise, which has happened but it's been 2% merit increases. How do we keep up with inflation when some of our fixed costs are spiraling out of control?

I'm not complaining. I'm actually happy we have health insurance and it's a very generous policy. But I worry how much more expensive it's going to get and whether we can ever afford to leave a "group" plan and buy our own.

Have you been tracking your health insurance premiums? Dare I ask what others pay? I am going to guess a lot.

Okay we have life insurance, disability insurance, and have somewhat ironed out what we want to do with our kids. BUT we are again stuck.

We've never written a will. Go ahead smack me hard across the head. We have two kids soon to be 5 and 2 and nothing down. I deserve a hard smack right now.

But I can only justify in saying that we've struggled to find the right guardian and settled on my mom finally. Mostly because while she is older now than before, we are in a better place financially to allow her to hire/outsource whatever help she needs with the kids. Before I was worried about my parents finances and affording my kids. Now we are set to pay for everything 100% and my mom has organized better her finances as well.

But now again we're stuck with naming a trustee or executor. We had orginally named my DH's best friend. My mom is terrible with money, my in-laws are too cheap, and my BIL is awful too. So the guy who has been like a godfather to my oldest was who we trusted. But in the past year he's gotten married, pregnant, and bought a house and made a lot of bad financial decisions.

So we've pulled back from naming him executor/trustee. And once again we're stuck. What are we going to do? Our insecurities are making delaying us from making the right decision and we need to do something. I can honestly admit that my goal for the year is to have a will/trust done and set up for my kids.

Advice SA?

I probably should write goals but what I think we need to do are not really goals but ideas I'd like to see through. It's been a very interesting 9 years living where we live. Like Monkey Mama we've changed a lot. How much?

Net Worth
12/31/2005 $131,762.00
1/1/2014 $878,472.00
1/1/2015 $1,073,474.80

So in the 9 years we've lived where we are we increased our net worth 8 fold. This past year has been particularly good to us as we increased our net worth by 22% or $195k. It was a combination of decreasing our debt by $30k and I valued our house $50k more. We wiped clean the last of our student loans, we had around $8k hanging around at 2%, and $8k 0% CC debt. We also paid off one of our cars and the second car will be done in July.

Account 1/1/2014 1/1/2015
LAL IRA $62,327.00 $77,254.24
DH IRA $132,924.00 $148,527.37
DH 401k $244,399.00 $287,059.53

Fid Tax 1 $86,847.00 $85,389.30
Online Check $1,000.00 $8,642.11
Online Savings $42,510.00 $55,542.43
Fid Tax 2 $54,000.00 $50,959.49
SB 1 $10,788.00 $34,493.33
College 1 $11,239.00 $12,251.00
College 2 $6,369.00 $6,831.00
House $650,000.00 $700,000.00
Subtotal Assets $1,302,403.00 $1,466,949.80

Debts
Car 1 $7,900.00 $3,045.00
Car 2 $3,900.00 $0.00
Sallie Mae $8,000.00 $0.00
CC #1 0% $4,000.00 $1,867.00
CC#2 0% $4,000.00 $0.00
Mortgage $396,131.00 $388,563.00
Subtotal Debts $423,931.00 $393,475.00

Net Worth $878,472.00 $1,073,474.80

So we got close to my last year "goals" of increase NW by $200k, break $1M net worth, and break $500k retirement. But where does that put us?

Well my DH just came back from a job interview out on the west coast. We'll hear back in a month but they contacted him and said he hadn't filled out a formal application just resume and cover letter. So he's guessing they are going to do the background check, credit check, etc and are interested. He also has a second interview to be scheduled on the west coast.

We are still wavering on whether to move this year without a job or wait until 2016. If we wait until summer 2016 we'll have 18 more months of job hunting and potentially a lot more money saved.

As it stands we have I would guess about 1 year in cash living expenses at our current budget and no income. After the sale of the house we stand at closer to 8 years without income, not touching our retirement.

I guess our goal is to continue saving and break $200k net worth increase this year and see if we can't make a big push in saving cash since we don't have to pay down $30k in debt.

I'll write more as the story about jobs unfolds.

So much has happened since my last post. It was right before Thanksgiving and I was thankful for my family and I still am.

So my DH has three job interviews in California. Two are phone interviews this week but one he's passed on the phone and is flying out in January after the holidays. I am super excited and thrilled. I am however nervous and worried about San Francisco cost of living. But my DH says we'll deal with it when it comes. But honestly this might be it. I've had many highs and many lows, but I think this might be the break we need to move.

Now the low. I knew this day was coming but I didn't know it would happen so soon. My DH told me that he probably has to give up his driver's license and will be declared legally blind. He did not pass his field of vision test at the optometrist and will see his specialist in April though he is trying to move that up ASAP. He wants to know for sure what we are dealing with. His visual acuity is still 20/20 and he still has his vision during the day. And as long as I've know him nearly 15 years his night vision has been poor. But I suppose we both thought he'd be driving until his 50s. His mom has retinitis pigmentosa and still drives at 60. But he won't. I'm worried he'll lose all vision and not see our grandchildren one day.

Talks of having a third child are hard. He's feeling unsure because of this. When we had our first 5 years ago I guess he didn't care because he seemed fine. Now he's worried about the kids.

What does this means? We're not sure. But it means that moving closer to family would probably be helpful. It means that if we were to stay where we are it would also be helpful to move where commuting by public transit is easier for my DH. Where we are is great, but it could be better. It means we will likely be a 1 car family soon. It also means that my DH would prefer to move somewhere that there is more daylight, public transit, and less winter. I don't know what it means working wise. He'll still be able to work for a long time, his mother did. But we'll pay a premium to live very close to his workplace.

Previously I had discussed my DH desire to switch careers. Now more than ever he wishes to get a job working from home. I am unsure what to do about my job. I've always planned to go back part-time, but perhaps full time is better? Can I manage a third child?

Retirement obviously we talked a bit more. My DH does want to us to be Financially Independent sooner rather than later. This is imperative. Of course he will qualify if and when for SS disability. That affects our ability to FIRE. I'm not sure how but I think this means we probably could FIRE now if we wanted to. Majority of our bills would be covered. It's something we have to discuss.

This month's cleanse has been enlightening. I'll probably keep on the low car and high veggie diet for a while to keep losing weight. But it has been interesting how eating vegetables and fresh fruit can be expensive as eating meat and carbs. Our bill will likely be as expensive more with the slight modifications in diet. What I found interesting is that we barely ate out as well thus far (it should be going up) my BIL is town for thanksgiving. We usually go out to eat and will be hosting him and his girlfriend. So I'm guessing we are breaking the budget.

But on a serious note, I can see why people on a limited budget eat less healthy food. It's cheaper to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup than a full veggie meal. Or a bag of goldfish for $1.99 is cheaper than 4 apples or 4 yogurts.

We are going on vacation in a few weeks for a few weeks. Leaving in two weekends till after the new year. We are trying to decide between vrbo in San Diego. One is in Pacific Beach (PB) and other in Ocean Beach (OB). I prefer the PB location and it's great a block from garnet and on the beach. I found it through VRBO, but the guy only advertises on there. You have to mail a check and sign a lease, but you can't book through VRBO. This is the first time its happened to me. I usually book through the vrbo website so I'm nervous and why I'm considering booking the OB site though we don't love the location. I will say the PB rental did offer me to pay through paypal by check.

What have people's experiences been? Should I be worried? My DH prefers booking through vrbo he thinks it gives us an extra layer or protection. Does it?

Also we've gotten a good deal on the mininvan we're renting. We're staying with my in-laws at the VRBO so we need a minivan. And a one way rental of a small car from SD to LA so we can leave for Hawaii. I can't wait to get away from the start of winter and see family (even my in-laws). The only thing left is organizing gifts for family and teachers.

I bought 4 cookie skillets from costco for $18.99 and will give 1 skilled to each teacher with a $20 starbucks gift card. I bought two sets and figure it's a nice christmas gift. I may add in a dry cookie mix I make as well or a book. Last year was cookies and banana bread with SB gift card. The year before was hot chocolate homemade in containers and SB gift card. End of the year gifts were target gift cards and plants. If anyone has creative gifts I'll take it.

I wrote a few weeks ago I was floundering and I still am in some ways. I applied for a couple more positions and my DH has a phone interview with a small company on the west coast. But he's had so many it's hard to get excited. However reading that post, I realized I have to keep moving forward and counting down the months. If we move without jobs it'll be important we purge and minimize.

Plus my DH and I have been talking more. The third child is still on the table perhaps later than I would wish but it is. We've done nothing permanent and we have all our baby stuff. I don't feel complete but I do desire to move and having a third would change our timeline.

On a depressing thought my Dad is 84 has said that he is not coming to visit me again. The trip is too long. So this June my oldest finishes preschool and wanted my parents to see her little ceremony and visit. It'll be warm since it's June so my mom is coming. My Dad said no. So it really is coming now or never. My in-laws have also said they don't want to see us in the winter anymore where we live. It's too far a trip and they feeling the transfers as well.

But with 2014 wrapping up I am trying to think positively. I am trying to be in a good frame of mind. I am definitely purging, losing weight, and just focusing on moving.

Nika brought up a great point about enjoying your money now and later. That it's hard to find the balance between spending and saving. It really is. It's so very easy to get miserly and not spend money. At the same time it's also easy to go off on a spending spree and justify all your spending because you make $X.

So how do you balance spending now versus saving for later?

My thought, it depends on what your priorities are. Do you want to retire early? Do you want to have time with your kids now by staying at home? Or perhaps time later by retiring early? Can you never imagine retiring early because you want a certain lifestyle? Or do you feel obligated if you have kids to pay for college so retirement is out of the question?

There are so many choices and no one right answer. All of the choices above are valid. The choice you make is the one that will lead your financial decisions.

About a year ago when I submitted our financials to MMM blog for a

reader case study, I realized that without knowing it we were mustachians. I also realized and confirmed that my DH and I bought wanted the financial security of being "financially independent" from working. He's still unsure about "retiring early" but my DH is completely on board with having money to say FU to anyone, anytime. To know that if we didn't have an income we'd still make it as a family. How did this realization affect us?

We have never lived up to our income and never been big spenders. But that realization that really living on a budget, curbing our spending, and watching every dollar meant we might be closer to "FIRE = financial independence early retirement" than we ever imagined. We had $462k in retirement, we now have in 9 months $519k. We had $163k taxable and $54k cash, now we have $167k and $58k cash and our liabilities has gone down to $3800 car payment gone in 6 more months. Also according to zillow (very underestimated) our house went from $609k to $647k, I am guessing more like $750k to be honest.

Are we there yet? Projections say no. But I do think that we are definitely closing in fast on a FI number but more importantly we are much more focused on becoming FI to decide what we really want to do.

So my no sugar, meat, dairy = vegan diet is still one. One more week and it's been eye opening. I've lost a little over 10 lbs. We'll see how this eating change goes long term. I am thinking about doing 100 days of real food next. I have to say it's been great for the eating out budget but bad for the grocery budget I believe I'm over our $500/month allotment and it's still another 10 days and a house guest. But our eating out budget is under $50 and I usually budget $300.

Why am I sighing at people? Well first I was in line at whole foods buying a Kabocha Pumpkin (required for diet). Only thing I bought and I was standing in line behind a woman who spent $270. Well it took three credit cards and breaking it down to afford it. Seriously? Why are you shopping at whole paycheck if you can't afford to pay for it?

I was in a discussion about finances (well I nodded) with a couple of friends since one of them just bought a new car. One friend said to the other "I try to pay a little more than the minimum on my CC, and one of my four weekly paychecks goes to my car loan." Okay my eyes nearly fell out considering the woman drives the supersize Mercedes SUV that seats 7 diesel. She said her husband picked it because he loves diesel engines. Seriously 25% of your income a month is for your car? The other woman said it hurt to have a car payment of $1k/month. I was stunned with another sigh.

Finally DH's best friends came over on Sunday for dinner and talked about buying a house he'd just seen over the weekend. His wife lives cross country and is planning on moving in February at 32+ weeks pregnant. He's in a mad rush to buy so he said "how bad would it be to make an offer on a house she hadn't seen?" My answer "if it were my DH, he should next talk to a divorce lawyer because making our biggest financial decision without me would piss me off." He said "but we could lose out on a great house. Another sigh.

But the follow up, two days later he said he'd made a mistake and decided he couldn't buy in that town because the school district was worse than he thought. So rushing to buy a house would have lead to a terrible decision.

Another friend who complained to me about my "staying at home raising kids," said she couldn't afford to do it on her husband's income. At least not the lifestyle they want. They just bought a $10k miele fridge and have $100k worth of cars in their driveway (Acura MDX and Honda Pilot). So it's not like they are hurting financially. Nor would one income be small. It'd just be more modest. I would guess $200k versus $400k. I bit my tongue and didn't say well many people stay at home on less. I can't talk because we make equivalent to their one income. But I know there are many people who make less and stay at home with nice lives.

Finally my BIL is coming with his ex girl friend to our place for thanksgiving. Not his current gf. Good thing I "clarified" so I don't out him. Besides the fact that he got into a car accident a couple days ago and totalled his car and is now saying he wants to buy a BMW. My DH is trying to convince him that he should at least buy it used.

These are the unreal stories around me. There are others but perhaps I should save some for another day.

I've been contemplating what our number "nest egg" is. People always say 25x expenses or 4% withdrawal rate. Maybe 33x expenses or 3% withdrawal rate for early retirees.

So assuming we need $40k/year to live on, a little more than we do now, we need $1M or $1.3M to retire. I go back and forth on whether we should count SS as part of the $40k, especially if we retire early. Or should we just assume we'll have to provide all of that income in retirement.

Another assumption for us is that $40k is a paid for home. Right now that seems so out of reach, but if we moved we could very well have a paid for home.

So I guess the question is when can we retire? My gut says 10 years at 45. Why? Because I think our house will have appreciated enough and we can sell it for a lot more, while paying down principal. And we'll have had 10 years of saving and investing which might bring us to surpassing our nest egg number of $1.3M. Currently we are at about half that number but the next half should go faster since our investments will start to generate more savings and our income should increase to allow us to save more while we curb our spending.

What was your nest egg number?

In an aside it's day 11 of my detox/cleanse and it's been both easy and hard. Hard not eating out and preparing exact meals. Easy in that meal planning is done for me and the food is quite filling considering it's fruit and veggies mostly. I guess I'm done 7 lbs.

I am struggling where I am. Not with the cleanse, not financially, but where I am mentally. My DH had a phone interview last night with a company on the West Coast. I feel so up and down at the same time. I am excited by the possibility, yet anxious that it'll be another disappointment.

I feel the strain of hoping, planning, and praying we move. I am torn by the fact I face another two winters where we live and I HATE it. I hate everything about it. I wonder if we shouldn't pull the trigger this coming summer 2015. I feel like our lives are on hold in so many ways.

I struggle because I don't want to tell people our crazy plan because it is nuts. We are going to dump our house, quit a good paying job, and move. I don't know where or what we are going to do.

I do know my DH is no longer desperate for a job. He wants to do a career change and is excited at the prospect. He's found a niche he'd like to get into and thinks it's a better fit for him.

But what do we do? Do we move without jobs to Seattle? Portland? Or go to the more expensive San Diego or San Francisco? When? I am struggling because financially we should stay put. But at the same time financially shouldn't we take the risk?

So I am doing the 21 day ultimate reset by beachbody. It's to cleanse and reset my eating habits. I don't know how it's going to go but I'm on Day 5 surprisingly and not hungry. It's supposed to teach me to eat no sugar, no caffeine, and eat whole foods mostly fruits and veggies.

What's the first week been like? Giving up red meat, all meat, dairy, sugar, and junk food. I didn't think I was a terrible eater but apparently I was. The hardest part so far has been giving up caffeine. I drank 1-2 cans of diet soda/regular soda/day. Now I usually get it on the deal of $2.50/12 pack but still it adds up calorie wise.

This new cleanse is making me feel very fiberous. I feel healthier I'll admit without the sugar, caffeine, and meat. But at the same time I feel stuffed from eating so much food because I'm eating a ton of veggies. The recipes and portions are large because they are such minimal food.

I have a bet going with my mom that I will see her at Christmas having lost 15 lbs (I wanted to say 20 lbs) but felt that was too ambitious. I'm not sure yet what I've lost but I feel like this is a big lifestyle change.

Will it stick? I hope so but I'm not sure. I can guarantee once off it I'll probably go back to eating dairy and some meat. But I might try to get off the carbs. I might also try to stop caffeine and sugar as suggested until 2015 since I'm supposed to wait a month until after the 21 day reset.

Right now the reset ends on 25th of November. My BIL is coming to visit on the 24th so we'll be probably eating out but I'm going to stick on my packing food and eating differently. I will try to post more about this journey.

My next challenge will be following the blog 100 days of real food.

Uggh, I am trying to plan my winter baby's 5th birthday party. I never thought it would be so expensive and so much trouble. I wish I had a large home to invite people over and just have a lunch or afternoon snack. Last year I would guess I spent around $450 on the party when all was said and done.

So we have 30 kids total including 2 of my own. Yes we have 28 friends we see on a very regular basis (ie weekly). The bulk of which we've known for years. My options thus far. The two jumping places I'd do an afternoon 2-4 pm party and just snacks, cake, and juice again.

1. Jump 1 (same as last year) = $349 for 25 kids + $10/kid = $400
2. Jump 2 = $325 for 24 Kids + $12/kid = $400,
3. Bowling 1 = $8.50 per child = $225 but we need to do pizza and drinks (required by bowling alley), and based on times I'd be feeding adults and kids. So I would guess @ $10 cheese pizza and $7.50 Pitchers I'd be looking at 10 pizzas and 10 pitchers?
4. Bowling 2= $250 for bowling and cake but I think I'm capped @ 20 kids which is the real problem. I can't find kids to cut.
5. $245 Ice Skating + $25 Room Renta + $75 Skate rentals = $345 plus food, and since they are turning 5 I wonder how many would be into it? My DK has been taking skating lessons and skates solo but most haven't taken lessons and I would guess most parents can't ice skate.
6. Children's Museum - $475 for package but unsure if it's firmly capped at 25 kids.

Okay help me out with ideas. There is no way I am fitting 30 kids into my townhouse. There is no way it can be held outdoors in January. For my younger child I do a park and lunch but that's just not an option here.

What should I do?

I am a pretty boring investor. We just buy and hold. We don't actively invest, and I rarely look at the accounts and total them up because it'd probably give me white hairs if I did. Anyway though I guess I'll give some interesting updates.

In January we had $439k in retirement savings, as of today we have $500,444. However when I checked in mid-September (19th) we had $515,884. So it's going up but also come down.

Taxable accounts we started with $195k and are at $228k. Good savings, but more importantly it's not up as high because we've paid off a lot of debt. Starting debt was $27,800 in January 2014. Of which $11,800 was car loans 0.9%, $8k was 0% Credit Cards, and $8k in student loans at 1.9%. So as of today we owe $4900 on one car and $2330 on one 0% CC. We've paid off $20,500 of debt. It was just getting to us so we decided to start minimizing payments even though it didn't make financial sense. Accordingly our NW went up from $839k to $959k. I am hoping the year ends with our retirement solidly above $500k, taxable above $230k, and debt below $5k.

This month I also decided to start a spread sheet on tracking in depth my groceries and eating out. What I found is that I spent a lot more on eating out this month which caused my cooking budget to be super low. Our groceries currently with a week to go is at $282.05. Our eating out $282.28, which I usually don't break $300 (usually closer to $200) and our groceries have been running around $600 a month. And we are eating out at least 1 more meal for sure if not 2 this next week. Yikes!

I guess it's just that we ate out with friends more than usual. We ate out 7 times with friends so far this month and are planning on meeting up on Tuesday again. Socializing is tough on the pocket book.

I can't complain about this year. I think I may keep a running tally of my groceries and eating out which is easier in excel than mint. I also now stand in self-checkout lines at costco and bjs and track what is home stuff and what is groceries.

So how do you know someone is cheap versus frugal? Well I'm going to tell you a story. You're probably going LAL why are you friends with this person? And my answer will be I'm trying to shed her but it's slow going.

So Drusilla (nickname) is dropping her two children off at another friend's house (the Commandant). Drusilla sees Tabasco (commandant's kid) and Skipper (mine) and "says why are they here? I thought the commandant was taking them away," so her two kids (Gus and Jack) could be watched by Commandant's teenage kid Big E. She brought one $5 Cheese pizza and said to Big E "don't feed Tabasco and Skipper, I want the leftovers."

Um okay can you say rude? Hello? No pizza for the babysitter? And you can't spare a piece for my kid and Commandant's kid? We've feed your kids before. It's one of those moments where I realized the cheap Drusilla reigned again.

Also when I said I was buying Drusilla's kid an outfit for the second birthday I was told not to she wanted cash. So I put the screws to her and said it was to match my DK #2. And I wanted to see since she was consigning all the other clothes the Commandant gave her from Tabasco! OMG. How could she sell the clothes that were given to her? I know this because she has NO matching outfits for her kiddo which I know she should have since I have it for Skipper and saved it.

May the shedding begin.

Edited: I said I would like to buy a gift and the mother said "give me money." Not great thank you so much, and turned around and returned it. NO, it was a blatant ask. Second, I found out after our mutual friend was asked last year when she gave a gift to return it and instead give Drusilla money. She returned the gift and didn't give anything. The commandant was a bit miffed at being told please take your gift with the gift receipt back and give cash instead.

Second, Drusilla asked Big E (babysitter and Commandant's older child) to not eat the pizza and pack up leftover. Perhaps I'm wrong but since when do people NOT feed the babysitter? Fine don't feel other people's kids. But the babysitter?

Third, there is no way it's okay to consign people's clothes they give you? But perhaps it is.

Okay remember the $50 lunch bag? Well I now have a conversation about the $50 North Face Fleece. A friend (Mrs A) says to me I got a great deal on the fleece my daughter is wearing from Macy's. I got it for $50! My eyes bugged out and I said "$50?" I said "I didn't spend $50 on my columbia fleece I've had for over 5 years and your kid will outgrow it in 1 season." Mrs A "but for things they are going to use I believe in buying quality."

Now before you think I'm being a bit harsh Mrs A is BROKE. Big fat BROKE. I am not kidding. I mean IRS is garnishing her bank accounts. She talks about using a weekly paycheck to pay for this credit card and that car payment so it doesn't bounce. Thankfully she rents her apartment from her mom so she can't always afford $1500/month rent and complains about it for a 4 bedroom apartment. Going rate is between $4-5k where we live!

And in case you wondered I loaned her money $20 because she had no money in her checking account to get her kids into the indoor playspace (3 kids). I felt bad they drove there and she realized she had no money.

But she shops for high end clothes, she only buys food at Whole Foods, and she drives a $75k diesel SUV Mercedes (it's the large one). I have pointed out in the past that she needs to talk to the lawyer about the garnishments, her answer is well "D my husband said he'd take care of it."

She's super lucky her parents are loaded and can bail her out (ie living for basically free and expecting an inheritance, yes she's said as much). But still she's spiraling financially out of control and another friend said you can go to jail if they are garnishing your wages. I have no idea if that's true but said friend watches Real Housewives of NJ and said that Theresa Guidace is going to jail for tax stuff. I mean who screws with the IRS?

I don't know but it's like waiting for an accident to happen. And I may never see my money again (consider it a donation) but I figure it's the nature of the beast. She's a nice person and I do feel sad when I see her.

In a weird note I realized my food budget is way off. I used to say $400/month which according to my old tracking in excel it was around $400/month. Now it's between $500-600/month which I suspected because I spend around $125-$150/week. I can't believe how expensive food is getting or my kids are eating more. Granted two kids drinking organic milk a gallon a week each is running me around $50-60/month alone! But Geez.

I like this blog better than my old one because I don't feel constrained to only talk about finance and money.

So I've been worried about my best friend, I don't say that lightly, my maid of honor and friend of 30 years is sick. She's so sick she hasn't been able to work. She is using Quest health insurance. So of course she put off going to the doctor. She has stomach pains and can't walk, eat, or anything. Yesterday she finally got an appointment with an GI specialist after over a month. They are going to do a endoscopy next week.

The real issue is that she was calling around everywhere and MOST doctors say they don't take quest. It's health insurance for the poor/welfare in Hawaii. Of course with the super low reimbursements many doctors won't see you. So without a job she's unable to go to the doctor but she's been in too much pain to work. I truly believe she is sick. She's never been someone to not work or complain. But now what??? I've always been a firm believer in single payer/socialized system. I married someone from a single payer system. Now more than ever I think the US needs a change. It's not working our system, we're failing to provide basic care for people.

Another interesting update, one which okay I'll admit the people involved are STUPID. My DH's best friend, best man/30 year friendship has gotten his wife pregnant. Sounds good? Nope. They live on two opposite coasts and have been married since the horrible wedding in May, and haven't decided where to live. They are 11 weeks pregnant and have no plans on where to live or even give birth. I suggested making a decision because at 38 years old she's a high risk pregnancy and finding an ob/gyn at 30 weeks pregnant (they were thinking she'd move to our city for birth then back to her city) would be a good idea. What happens if she goes on bed rest? Or can't fly? Actually at that far along she probably shouldn't be flying. The idiocy makes me wonder why they got pregnant? Truth is neither wants to move and compromise but they thought the baby would make one of them change their mind.

Life and it's crazy. I can't obviously say this in real life and my DH would be upset for me calling his BFF an idiot, but he is. FWIW he used to be the trustee/executor of our will. Now with all these idiotic decisions we're revisiting the issue.

It's been awhile since I posted and I really need to write a bit more. Right now we are wrestling with whether to do a Roth 401k. It would mean we can save tax free but there is a 34% hit on savings. We'd have to save an extra $6k/year not a big deal, but I am more looking at the tax implications.

What if we withdraw it and it's lower? Should we have taken the tax break now? What if brackets go up? Obviously the tax brackets will get larger, but our deductions will go down as we age and the money will grow tax free. That means if we let it grow 15 years it'll double 2x by the rule of 7. So potentially we'll have another $750k saved or more. This is counting doubling of savings and assuming we are done working in 15 more years or by 50.

I'm leaning towards the Roth 401k for a couple of reasons. At most my DH has 2 years working for this company and where he moves to we may not have it offered. I don't know what the future hold but I suspect we might make more in the future since we are on one income.

Anyway though on a positive note our retirement accounts are at $515k so we reached our goal of the year to break $500k. Our taxable accounts have broken $220k and increased $25k/year and we've paid off $20k in debt. We paid off $4k car and $3k on the other (only $4800 left) we had the interest rate of 1.9% but decided we were tired of seeing the payments. We also paid off a CC we put my dental work on that was 0% $4k and still am paying on the lasik also at 0%. Both were on 24 months interest free but again I got tired of payments. Finally we paid off the last tiny bit of my super cheap 0.9% student loans $8k that I left hanging around.

Life is pretty good.

I have a friend I've known since pre-kids, and she's recently had her third child. She's been on maternity but is due to go back soon. She made a comment to me recently about how this is the first time she's had regrets about going back to work. I said it's good for her. She loves what she does.

But she admitted she start looking at downsizing her house. That she wondered if they could do it on her husband's very generous salary $200k, but she shook her head and said no. She said "i'm too in love with my stuff." She's got $100k in cars sitting in her driveway probably paid cash for. And another $100k in student loans. She is pretty sure she wouldn't be happy staying at home. But she did question whether she would be happier if she moved to a cheaper house? Or drove a cheaper car?

Working/staying at home, kids/no kids, early retirement/or not; it doesn't matter. I guess what is the saddest part is that fact that no matter what you earn, knowing you are dependent on that paycheck can be depressing. Realizing that to fund your lifestyle (whatever you choose it to be) is at risk because you need to work. Not that you are choosing to work.

Now we're not at that position to be financially independent. We do need an income, but at the same time I know we are moving towards not needing it and not worrying. I wonder if it's not more stressful knowing you make a lot, but have to make that much because you are used to living very well? In the sense that if you don't make much perhaps you are just used to living on less? And it's never on your radar that you'll be able to drive a mercedes SUV. But for some who could afford it and do, perhaps that's your one indulgence.

Yeah okay I can't believe I get to hear these conversations. So I'm sitting at playground and we're eating lunch and one friend says to another "I love that lunch bag, I've been looking for those." I say "it's cute".

They start discussing it, it's the stainless steel lunch bag on sale from pottery barn for

$47. My friend says they are on sale I should buy one. I choke on my food and say um it's a little pricey.

Now I bought my sandwich kits from Costco 3 for $14. And I got thermos on sale for $8.99. I send my kids with a lot of hot foods but still it was a nice kit.

I don't get it. I know I live in a very upper middle class area. I know these people make good money. But still I find a lot of these things they are willing to spend their money on unfathomable. A lunch bag for $50? I just bought a new backpack and lunch bag with free extra lunch bag for $12 from toys r us. It's frozen and my kiddo loves it.

I'm not sure how much my DH and I would have to earn to for me to comfortable spending that sort of money without blinking. Calling $47 lunchbox on sale a good deal.

I probably need to be independently wealthy like some of the people I know. Those who already have $3-5M to be really comfortable spending like that. But otherwise I don't think so. I'll write more about this later. Because I have more interesting stories about money at the "1% working people, not the 1% independently wealthy."

So I mentioned in a comment I think my friendship with the borrower of the DVDs is rocky (SD) it really is.

So Sunday night the teen I'm helping (E) is babysitting for SD. It's the night before the first day of school. E's mom SW hired her babysitter to drive to the house and drop E at school at 7:15 am this week. I'm doing pick ups and stuff.

On Sunday I took her grocery shopping because she asked and I was going anyway. I find out that SD is taking her to her mom's house 30 minutes away (45 from my house) to babysit until at least 11 pm. I say NO WAY. I say I am calling your mom. The instructions I had been left from SW was SD was going to drop her son off at SW's house for E to watch from 6-10 pm.

SD decides since SW is away she'll do what she wants and pick up E. SW had no idea it would be so late or leaving. But SD sends E a text saying "your mom said it was okay." I call SW and she tells me "I never said yes, I was going to chat with E and you and see". Well SD oversteps and does it deliberately because she's trying to take advantage of the situation (my perspective, but more on that later).

SW says 11 pm is way to late, she said 10 pm. She didn't say yes to going to babysit on a school night they were going to talk.

I get into it with SD over the phone whom I call because she's texting E to be home earlier by 4:45 pm so she can babysit longer. I call SD and say no to babysitting at her mom's house, no to babysitting that late, and I cannot guarantee I'll have her home by 4:45 when I just picked her up at 3:15 pm for grocery shopping since I was told 5:15 pm.

Now SD says "it's none of your business, I arranged it," and we argue about her clearing it with SW and that SD told E she cleared it with her mom until I called and checked. SW says she didn't and SD says she did.

I've had enough and I tell SW, "this is it. You leave me in charge but aren't willing to relinquish control? Then I can't help you. You need to let go." SW is very controlling and right now she's dealing with a lot with her mom's death and not herself.

At least with the teen in school I don't have to deal with these babysitting issues. I already had to step in and tell her to call me when trapped at another friend's house babysitting. Supposed to be home at 5 pm, mom never showed up. E got a call from stepdad where are you? She got dropped at 6:30 pm, fortunately her friend sleeping over was running late.

I feel as though people are taking advantage of E because her mom isn't around. I'm starting to realize that there are people out there who act nice but are very selfish, self-absorbed, narcisstic people who only care about themselves and their comfort. Why else would SD want to take E to babysit?

FWIW, SD dropped her son at 5:45 pm 1 hour after she wanted to, and picked him up at 10:45 pm, 45 minutes after the "curfew". Hmmm and she wondered why I didn't want E going to babysit? What time would she have been home?

Overall I know what I spend monthly and we stay within our "monthly limits." I get $5k/month to spend on everything like mortgage, groceries, gas, eating out, utilities, preschool, activities. That's not the problem.

I've been using Mint since about March and trying hard to reconcile all spending. I've actually been pretty good. So where I fail? Well trying to figure out my actual budget categories.

I find easy to keep a running tally of my monthly spending by looking at my CC charges throughout the month. A lot of our spending is predictable and the same. What isn't is gas for cars, travel, and groceries/eating out. The travel I can sort of guess since we do 2 big trips a year. That I can't change more than looking for the best deals.

But groceries and eating out? I was pretty sure I knew what I spent monthly but I think I'm wrong. I'm obviously under budget monthly big picture. But I can't break down my category to $400 groceries and $400 eating out because I buy clothes and home supplies(paper plates, dish soap, etc), shoes, books, etc. Stuff that isn't groceries basically gets stuck in grocery budget so I haven't been able to get under my $400 I think I spend. Instead I've been blowing the budget category.

But at the same time what I thought I spent eating out was less, but when I started tracking every penny I thought it was because I spent so much more on groceries that we ate out less. Now I'm not so sure.

Overall we're not in terrible shape anyway you cut it. And until recently I've never been a true "budget" follower. I am naturally frugal and so is my DH. We've always had the meet A, B, C saving goals and we can spend D-Z. And since we've met we've done more big picture annual budgets where we say we have to save X amount and we have Y to live on (hence the $5k).

But now I want to see our spending to project our true future budget. I want to know where it goes really. I mean I have a firm handle on a couple of categories like insurance, mortgage, cable, cell, etc. But what are we spending on prescriptions? What are we spending on dr co-pays? I need to figure this out for our flex spend this coming year. We've always maxed it out since having kids because we just have had stuff come up (this year my eye surgery and dental). But we should be done with "major" work, what's our baseline? I have no idea.

How do people track every penny? When you have clothes, food, home supplies on the same receipt? What about being reimbursed by friends?