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Our wills

January 15th, 2015 at 07:05 pm

Okay we have life insurance, disability insurance, and have somewhat ironed out what we want to do with our kids. BUT we are again stuck.

We've never written a will. Go ahead smack me hard across the head. We have two kids soon to be 5 and 2 and nothing down. I deserve a hard smack right now.

But I can only justify in saying that we've struggled to find the right guardian and settled on my mom finally. Mostly because while she is older now than before, we are in a better place financially to allow her to hire/outsource whatever help she needs with the kids. Before I was worried about my parents finances and affording my kids. Now we are set to pay for everything 100% and my mom has organized better her finances as well.

But now again we're stuck with naming a trustee or executor. We had orginally named my DH's best friend. My mom is terrible with money, my in-laws are too cheap, and my BIL is awful too. So the guy who has been like a godfather to my oldest was who we trusted. But in the past year he's gotten married, pregnant, and bought a house and made a lot of bad financial decisions.

So we've pulled back from naming him executor/trustee. And once again we're stuck. What are we going to do? Our insecurities are making delaying us from making the right decision and we need to do something. I can honestly admit that my goal for the year is to have a will/trust done and set up for my kids.

Advice SA?

Posted in Kids | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Our wills”

  1. ThriftoRama Says:
    January 15th, 2015 at 08:28 pm 1421353691
    1421353691

    These are the same reasons we have yet to write a will. No trustworthy guardian, not worthy trustee. Sigh.

  2. turning a new leaf Says:
    January 15th, 2015 at 08:30 pm 1421353801
    1421353801

    We are also going through this issue as both my husband and I have children and life insurance policies that would need to be handled etc. We are thinking of using a "paid executor," perhaps a lawyer that we trust. We have a business lawyer we trust that doesn't specialize in this, but who has always been upfront and we think she may be a good person and someone with the resources to do the right thing. We may use my brother/his wife and the lawyer as my brother and his wife always try to do the right thing, but are not the most money savvy.

  3. snafu Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 01:08 am 1421370521
    1421370521

    Sorry but I don't buy this new reason to procrastinate. Fact is if you don't complete some type of will and some indication of what you value, you leave all the decision making to the state. Do you think this is wise? You can write whatever you want, ask your funds allocation 'X' percentage Index, 'Y' percentage bonds until DKs are specific age when another allocation may be appropriate. You can categorize spending in percentages as well. Name a joint trustee with an individual and bank's/investment fund officer quarter/bi annual/annual percentage spending. That's better than state's clerk whose decision takes years of vetting and DKs in 'custodial' state care.

    Likewise you need nailed down statements for Advance Care and Revokable Trust. I'm sorry to sound harsh but you make your children too vulnerable to an outcome that would upset you far more than mom's spending patterns.

  4. scfr Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 04:33 pm 1421425998
    1421425998

    No one can do it as well as you and your husband. Period. Sometimes you just need to pick your "least worst" option and go with that choice. You don't want it to default to the "worst worst" option do you?

  5. scfr Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 04:34 pm 1421426061
    1421426061

    For the sake of those wonderful children, get it done ... Smack!

  6. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 04:58 pm 1421427505
    1421427505

    I think it is great if you can help make up for how your parents might be limited by age by setting aside the money so that they could actually hire help with the kids & household. That's a good idea....Out of ten siblings between my DH and myself, the one we most trusted for guardianship was the poor one, single, and with two kids. Before she was divorced, no way would I have sent my child into that household. Our second choice was in another hemisphere, but we would have arranged for that rather than the turbulent, abusive household.

  7. LivingAlmostLarge Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 05:10 pm 1421428218
    1421428218

    Understand my dad is 85 this year and my mom is 62. So the age difference and challenges are substantial. My in laws even if they were good, they are divorced and my MIL is visually handicapped, and my FIL isn't capable. My BIL is still single and quite immature and definitely wouldn't want the responsibility. My own step siblings are not in the place to help with the youngest being 45 and not wanting more kids, the other two are 55 and 54. BUT they have circumstances ill spouses that it would not be ideal.

    So guardianship as of now falls likely on my mom. With the money we have my mom could buy the right home and provide easily.

    But the money? My goal is to talk about it with my DH. I've gotten names and made appointments to talk to two lawyers. I know we've also hesitated because we know we're moving and have wondered how that affects out wills changing states.

    We also need to decide how much to set aside for each child and how much for their care. When all is said and done we have around $5M in life insurance money between us. And then our assets.

    Because we live far I am thinking the house would be sold in a fire sale so as to not burden either parents. And because our parents live 8 and 16 hours by flight away from us, my BIL is the closest at 6 hrs cross country flight, we've talked with friends as to who would take care of our children until our parents arrive. That we've settled.

  8. scfr Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 11:48 pm 1421452114
    1421452114

    Do you have a friend with children of similar ages who is trustworthy & good with money? Perhaps you could come to an agreement to be each others executors / trustees until your children are old enough to be considered for the position?

    Probably everyone you can think of has flaws!! But who would be the best candidate?

  9. scfr Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 11:49 pm 1421452197
    1421452197

    And yes, you'll need to redo the wills after you move to another state. But it's not a reason not to do a will now.

  10. PatientSaver Says:
    January 16th, 2015 at 11:58 pm 1421452694
    1421452694

    I also have had the dilemma of not knowing who to name as executor to my will. I think right now my sister is named but I may want to change it to an unbiased attorney whom I trust. I just need to find one.

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