Home > Happy Holidays and a long catch up

Happy Holidays and a long catch up

December 21st, 2022 at 07:08 pm

I just peeked and saw the last time I posted was beginning of November.  A lot has happened since then and I haven't been online much.  I've been exhausted with everything.

I went to see my parents over Veteran's day weekend.  My mom asked and I obliged.  Thankfully I went home because my dad ended up in the ER that Sunday before I left from being impacted and in terrible pain. I managed to carry him into a wheelchair and into the car and to the ER.  My mom couldn't have done it and they were in no way ready to have my dad be immobile.  That weekend I managed to get a wheelchair ramp ordered, hospital bed, and internet installed.  Fortunately my kids were off Friday for veterans day and they were all sick so they all stayed home and skipped all activities.  I ended up staying to wednesday but my DH was desperate for me to come back, he was struggling with work and the kids.  I depended on others to help me which is not how I usually do things.

Things have been a bit difficult since.  I've pushed my mom to hire help and she has someone occasionally.  She's exhausted and unwilling to consider someone to help at night.  But we returned again this past weekend and I'm watching my dad all day as my mom went to the dr.  He is pretty wheelchair bound and bedridden. And this past weekend before i got here Monday, again went to the hospital for the same thing.  

We are staying through the new year.  When I bought the tickets this summer I hemmed and hawed over the costs. If I returned before new years the ticket prices were substantially cheaper.  But with the way the new year's fall it is ridiculously expensive until about the 1/4 and the kids and DH go back to work and school.  So DH and DK1 are going back on 1/1 and DK2 and I are staying until 1/5.   I am glad we're staying.  Yes it's expensive but I told my friends i'm in the endgame.

I bought my tickets back for february without DH and the kids.  They'll be off for a few days and DH can work from home and not worry about school or activities.  The truth is that no matter what I pay now for tickets home or buying stuff this is short term.  I am doubtful my dad will be here next holidays but I'd love to be wrong.  

People hate suzy orman but she always tells called "people first then money."  I always agreed but until now I never really lived or felt it.  Now I feel like yes I need to be prudent, but at the same time I have spent my life being prudent. I have spent my life being frugal and watching every penny.  But now I need to stop saving at the rate I've always saved at and spend it so that I can enjoy and help my parents at this end stage. It's not forever and it's not something that is a continually money drain.  This is short term and something that will end.

I am grateful about our ability to cover these expenses.  But I've really come a long way to realizing that money isn't everything.  Saving and planning isn't everything. That sometimes goals fall the wayside and life happens because you can't control everything. I'm a planner, saver, and overal meticulous record keeper. I'm also naturally frugal.  But in the position i'm in I can't do it all.  And something has to give.  To me it's money.  I'll make more and if we have to work 2 months more then so be it.

10 Responses to “Happy Holidays and a long catch up”

  1. Wink Says:

    I'm so sorry LAL that your dad is so ill. It can be really exhausting trying to take care of everyone. Please take care of yourself too! ((Hugs)).

  2. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    It is. But right now before when we would come to hawaii we'd eat at home and my mom or I would cook. I just can't. I won't when my parents house is a mess and it gives me stress to deal with all of it. That my mom has tons of stuff everywhere which makes it hard to cook and clean right now.

  3. Turtle Lover Says:

    I always agreed with S.O. about PEOPLE FIRST ... blessings to you and your family and enjoy (the best you can) the time you have together!

  4. rob62521 Says:

    I'm very sorry about your dad's situation. Hopefully your mom will realize she can't do it all when you aren't available.

    I like Size Orman because she tells it like it is. And yes, people first then money. That doesn't mean we go crazy, but put our priorities right. Sounds like you are doing this. I know it is a challenge. You are a good child and being there for both of your parents. Bless you!

  5. Lots of Ideas Says:

    You are dealing with one of the most difficult parts of adulting - moving into a parental role with your parents.

    Recognizing that you are not working towards solving a problem but instead are working towards the end is a very important step to guide decision making.

    I also found that deciding that my job wasn’t to make my mother happy, it was to keep her safe made me feel better about hard choices we made.

    You are being given the gift of time to say what you need to say and ask what you want to ask. Make sure to savor that.

    My mantra was ‘all you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough.’

    Be kind and gentle to yourself, and let others lift you up.

  6. CB in the City Says:

    I am so sorry! I commend you for making the right choices and being so clear-headed about what is needed. You are right -- this stage won't last forever. It is best to give it your full attention while you are going through it. Then it will be easier to let go. People first is so right! My mantra was: "nobody gonna break-a my stride!"

  7. GoodLiving Says:

    Sending you and your family all the love and support during this difficult time. You seem to really have this all in perspective even if it's as difficult as I can imagine.

  8. VS_ozgirl Says:

    I’m so sorry that your dad is so sick LAL.. we always know our parents won’t be here forever but when the time comes it is beyond heartbreaking. You have gone above and beyond for your family and you should be so proud of yourself. Making sure that they are ok in the later years is the ultimate way to show gratitude for the sacrifices they made for you as a child. We found when our FIL had to care for MIL with her dementia he was adamant that she wouldn’t go to a home but he did look at different homes just in case. She declined to the point that she forgot how to go to the toilet and that is when he got so exhausted he put her in there, which is what she needed because her care needs was of someone who needed around the clock care. Maybe before you go home (because you will need to at some point definitely, your family needs you), look at the care options available and have it ready for your mom. We had to tell FIL that he is 75 years old, he is probably not really up to providing the care of two people. Sending you hugs and wishes of strength in this tough time.

  9. Dido Says:

    so sorry for all you are going through, but yes, People First! Best wishes for getting through.

  10. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    It has been a trying holidays.

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