When you think about spoiled kids you think of things like buying fancy toys, clothes, etc. But I'm starting to think there are other ways to spoil a child non-financial but that can lead to financial problems. Mostly it's the fact that it's easy to learn never being told no.
I've been watching a friend's kids a lot recently with her going through a divorce and packing. They enjoy playing with my kids. But watching them this Friday and Saturday it was hard. Friday her mom watched the kids for dinner and had to make do with what we had. It was an unexpected dinner and I didn't have anything her kids eat. They eat chicken nuggets. and that's pretty much it for real food. They eat candy and snacks and some fruits. So on Saturday she dropped them off with chicken nuggets and tortilla. I made a quesadilla for the kids and they told me they don't eat it. They didn't eat any veggies or anything else. I said there wasn't enough chicken nuggets for them to eat only that and there wasn't. She said to feed them anything because if they don't eat they wake up in the middle of the night demanding food and milk. She can't deal with it.
I get it now. She talks about having outrageous food bills and never having food. After seeing what her kids eat I get it. Everything is processed and packaged and expensive.
But real problem is that catering to every want and need I think could lead to problems. Yes it's food only but never being told no and having every whim catered to can lead to not understanding you can't have everything in life.
I tried to guide my friend to a budget. But she ignored it. That's fine but I pointed out that calling herself poverty stricken while getting $2500/month support seems a bit much. I pointed out that DH and I live on not much more a month. Yet she isn't responsible for anything but groceries, gas, and utilities. Plus she's working and making $1000/2 weeks. So it's a lot of money since she isn't paying mortgage, car, insurance of any kind. But it's hard to hear that other people live on a lot less. I pointed that out and she's like but "my kids will be deprived."
I can't help but wonder how people think kids manage when their parents make less? What happens to people who make the average?
spoiled children
July 23rd, 2017 at 11:55 pm
July 24th, 2017 at 12:04 am 1500851090
Your friend would rather complain than help herself. It's easier to give in to her kids than to have them eat decently. Plus, there's always the pity party factor on her part...she can't live on what she makes. You are a good friend to try and help even if she won't take your sound advice.
July 24th, 2017 at 12:28 am 1500852482
Additionally, if she is still dealing with the psychological damage of finding out her husband was screwing women he met on Craigslist, then arguing with her kids about eating a salad probably isn't going to be on her radar. Not that it shouldn't be, but it might be that she is already barely holding what's left of her life together. In time she might be more open to advice.
July 24th, 2017 at 01:44 am 1500857073
I tend to agree with Butterscotch. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer last year, my kids ate cereal for dinner on many nights. And if they ate a home-cooked meal, it was because friends or family came over with a meal or brought a pizza. When your mind is worried about figuring out the future (whether divorce or illness), sometimes what you're going to cook for dinner isn't even on the list of concerns. I'm not sure what your friend's home life was like before the divorce, maybe it wasn't always like this.
July 24th, 2017 at 02:06 am 1500858398
July 24th, 2017 at 02:13 am 1500858795
Feed them junk food and they get hungry in the middle of the night. But it's a battle to feed them real food. Something she's too tired to do and I can't say it's bad.
Nope before too she would bring food and feed them constantly snacks. I usually had to refuse for my kids because it was too much. But perhaps before they ate more food in general. Now it's picking at everything and so they are hungrier and worse behaved for her and she's exhausted since all 3 get up demanding food nightly. But maybe eating real food isn't the answer.
July 24th, 2017 at 01:55 pm 1500900946
I agree with the others than going through a divorce is so devastating and draining that many issues just go off the table. (No pun intended.)
July 24th, 2017 at 05:45 pm 1500914710
I remember a favorite snack was to make a large tray of veggie crudites (even sliced turnips) with a tasty hummus dip. They devoured it. When it comes to a child's health, food is non-negotiable, in my humble opinion. Kids need to eat right! If you put the right foods in front of a child, they will eventually eat it or go hungry. Sometimes there has to be a little tough love.
July 24th, 2017 at 06:03 pm 1500915837
July 24th, 2017 at 06:45 pm 1500918348
In my classroom, we have rules that are lovingly set by our administration and by me. These rules are for the good of our classrooms and for each student. These rules help them to be responsible kids. These rules help us to have fun in our room and for children to be safe and respectful toward me, as the teacher, and to their classmates. I see the food issues a lot in my career, and it absolutely boggles the mind. I want to say, "Parents, get a grip." We talk about it in my classroom. Eating all kinds of food is good etc., but I know I can't turn it around unless the parents are doing their job at home.
July 24th, 2017 at 06:48 pm 1500918512
July 24th, 2017 at 10:25 pm 1500931504
July 26th, 2017 at 03:01 am 1501034491
July 27th, 2017 at 03:21 am 1501122119
With kids, money doesn't stretch as far as in households without kids. Who knows how much she has to pay for daycare/summer camp, etc. so she can work. Plus the zillion dollars of beginning of the school year tech and workbook fees, and outgrown shoes.
I have WAY less free money now that I have kids.
I also have one of those picky eaters. It's an obsession with him. He's so picky. He won't budge on it. No, We don't let him eat candy constantly, but we do try to do things he likes so that he has something in his belly. For him, it's about having control over one aspect of his life, when so many other adults control everything else. I imagine a kid in a divorce would want to retain that power and control, and often the only place they can get it, is by controlling the food.
July 29th, 2017 at 02:41 pm 1501335687
I don't have kids, but if I did, and I had one that was picky, I would require him/her to at least try new foods at least once, and then not "enable" his pickiness at meal time.
I liked what Anne said above. It reminds me of people who complain that they have overweight or obese pets. I mean, THEY are in complete control of what their cat/dog eats; there's no excuse for it except laziness or lack of discipline.
August 4th, 2017 at 06:17 am 1501823870
Today her oldest again we had dinner at our house, comes up 5 minutes after dinner and says I'm hungry. DF says "well you should have eaten more at dinner." DK1 says "but you didn't let me eat the snacks today at the beach (we went before dinner) so I'm hungry. I didn't get to eat chips and crackers and everything else. I didn't want to eat dinner." But the lack of sleep is hard on her and I can see she's TIRED.
Ann I agree it's hard when I hear her 7 year old telling her that she didn't eat dinner because she prefer to eat snacks and knows she usually tells her mom she's hungry and gets feed snack foods is hard to hear. I think a week or a month of no snacks would change all three kids eating habits. But divorce is hard and she's tired. I know she just needs to and wants to sleep while she can. So how can she fight the battle now?
Yes the kids are all overweight and the dr has told her from before we met to control what they eat. They are supposed to cut all white bread, carbs, etc. I think it's supposed to be more balanced. And she was trying since we've met. I know she refrains more when we hang out from giving her kids snacks because I cut mine off and say no way or else they won't eat dinner. A bag of pirate's booty or popcorn = no dinner my kids are full.
I don't know it's a rough time and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles and she needs sleep to function.
Thrift what does your kid eat? I've met picky kids before. Those who only drink 1 juice box. Or eat only 5 foods. I've very rarely met kids who eat only snacks because usually most parents enforce the you have to eat your meal rule. Most parents will let their kids get away with chicken nuggets, pizza, grilled cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, mac and cheese. Boring kids foods. Until now I haven't met parents who say "oh you don't have to eat kids foods even, how about a bag of chips? Or crackers? Or just junk food?" Most complain about their kids eating the same things. And unwilling to try new foods.
My kiddos eat like adults. They eat what's in front of them because we never bothered making kid meals. They eat lots of different foods because it's in front of them. But they will not eat if we give them a bag of chips or snacks between meals.
I did point out to her that you aren't supposed to feed the kids only fruits all day. She was feeding them only fruit and junk food. I said one serving I think she cut back for 5-6.