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Going into probate and vultures

August 4th, 2016 at 11:46 pm

I have to say seeing people become vultures about money is disgusting. I haven't had to see it up close and personal until now how people behave about money. How money really can be the root of all evil. How desiring money can lead people to behave poorly.

Uncle J passed away and the funeral was over the weekend. DH went down to support his dad as his dad requested. We decided I wouldn't go because it was too long and leaving my mom with the kids at the last minute seemed like a bad idea. We'll be there tomorrow anyway less than a week later for DH's work.

My MIL, DH's other uncle, a cousin and her daughter, 2 ex wives, and other people were at the house cleaning and looking for a will. My in-laws are divorced. Anyway my MIL picks up DH at the airport with BIL and proceeds to lecture him in the car ride about behaving properly. As soon as they arrive at Uncle J house MIL lays into FIL and they argue. Ends with my DH telling her she's obnoxious, overbearing, shut up and leave. She turns around and yells at him. Boy am I glad I wasn't there. Anyway a will hasn't been found and she makes the comment "at least this way FIL will get what he deserves." And that FIL is expending $x on the funeral and other expenses and maybe he'll be able to recoup it. Yes in the midst of the mourning my MIL is being this crass.

She's not the only one. The cousin who came said she had been asked to be the executor and had come to see the will. But that she hadn't signed any papers potentially because Uncle J hadn't finished doing it. He was 68 so the death from heart attack was unexpected.

He was a nice guy. He always wrote me an email on mine and he kids birthdays. He gave us very nice presents and just kept in touch. He was really thoughtful. A hoarder, eccentric but I thought him nice. We were going to have dinner with him this week. I am disturbed at how callous and money grubbing my MIL and other family members are. My DH and his brother said they wanted NOTHING. They had to prevent people from trying to take the gold rolex and other jewelry off the property.

Uncle J was twice divorced and without children. He died single as well. So his heirs as I understand it are his 3 siblings, none of whom reside in the US and DH's dad being the closest in area and geographical distance. DH and BIL both living in US but DH only one with citizenship and BIL on visa. So I guess we're going to probate.

But his dad asks for advice and doesn't take it. I can't take having them call and not listen to simple instructions like call social security. Call X, Y, Z. I get a lot of response like "can you do it? Why do I have to? What is going on?"

I bet people wouldn't be so damn interested if the property Uncle J owned wasn't worth 7 figures. And I bet people might not have even shown up.

If anything this just make me more cognizant that I need to get our affairs in order. DH and I are going to likely be the executors of our parents estates and we likely have to have the talk that they have wills. I know mine do somewhat they are constantly it seems working on it. I'm not sure about my in-laws.

I wish people would stop arguing and just go away. I also realize the problems that arise from dying without a will.

6 Responses to “Going into probate and vultures”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    It is so sad when money and stuff become the main issue to discuss after someone dies.

  2. MonkeyMama Says:

    What a mess. Sorry to hear you are going through all this, but it is quite common. I see the craziest things with my work. Vultures are unfortunately the norm. It doesn't matter if there is money or not. The less there is the more people fight a lot of the time because they presume someone is hiding the imaginary money stash that will solve all their problems. Usually they just don't have a clue how money works. I can think of two situations right now (one family and one a friend) where someone is in assisted living and most their kids think that means it's time to distribute the estate. ??? Assisted living is free, right? Rolleyes Of course, if the sensible person is in charge of the estate, then all their siblings think they just stole the money. Because they don't understand things like nursing homes are not a free place to live out your life. This is how clueless people really are.

  3. snafu Says:

    LAL, so sorry. sent PM

  4. bennyhoff Says:

    Hearing this makes me happy to be an only child to a mother with no living siblings. That will make it real easy when the time comes. But yeah, I have seen people do that over money in the hundreds of dollars. Really - you need to look petty over that type of money? Some people have no honor - just amazing.

  5. rob62521 Says:

    You called it correctly: vultures! So sorry you have to go through this. Yes, the love of money is the root of all evil because once that greedy monster takes hold, look out.

    Before my parents got ill, I was named in the ill. I had half brothers and half sisters because both parents had been married before and had kids, but none of these folks did squat for my folks. When my dad died, one sibling tried to clean out the bank account. Fortunately my mom closed the account before that happened. She then opened a new account and put my name on it so I could pay bills if something happened. It didn't for a long time, but the last few years of her life, she was sick. DH and I paid many of her bills out of our own money because she simply didn't have it. Yet when she died, one sibling wanted to know what was in the estate and there wasn't much. It got to the point anytime he would come and visit my home, he would ask if I got this or that from my mom (he didn't claim her while she was alive) and act like he should have it if it did. I finally told him that I took three things from her house and sold the rest to pay for the funeral -- she had some life insurance, but not enough. He told me I should have let her been buried like a pauper and we could have split the proceeds. Really? I paid for the tombstone myself. I didn't ask for his help and I think your term vulture is most accurate of so many in cases like this.

  6. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I'm sorry you and your DH are going through this. I've heard many horror stories surrounding the death of someone and the aftermath.

    I was lucky when my dad died that none of his siblings/relatives tried to lay claim to anything - they all told my brother and I to decide what to do with everything. (Not that there was much ...) My brother and I have a pretty good relationship, always looking out for each other, and that didn't change with our dad's death. We both bent over backwards to make sure things were handled fairly. When our mom dies .. there'll probably be even less to deal with (but also less helpful relatives ... so we'll see I guess.)

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