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Even when you have enough

April 4th, 2016 at 11:45 am

I don't know how to relieve my mom's anxiety. I know my in-laws are just as anxious and crazy but I let my DH deal with them. BOTH sets of parents are very financially well off. Both mom's are retired with pensions that pay at least 70% of their incomes. Both sets of dad's are working for no reason other than to not die.

Unfortunately both mom's have WAY to much time on their hands worrying about money. They both retired around age 55. My mom retired at 55 because it didn't make sense to keep working and my MIL because she took "disability" with the same condition DH has.

My mom had a state pension worth 2% per year of service, plus free medical premiums for her and my Dad for life which becomes secondary after she hits medicare age. Also their medicare premiums paid for by the state (thank you hawaii) after age 65. So my parents are basically living without a single worry with regards to medical. My in-laws live in Canada and also get an old age fund and they also have free medical for life. They are not suffering and my MIL had also a pension from the university for 2% of years of service. The most horrible thing they face? My FIL complained about being forced to start drawing on his RRSP (retired registered savings plan) by age 71 and he's 65 and hasn't touched a penny that he's saved since 25 for 40 years (my MIL in the same boat). They are "worried" about paying so much in taxes because they need to "spend" down the money. OMG!

Anyway my mom is already having a breakdown over her condo flooding from a neighbor and needing repairs when she gets upset at me for pointing out that insurance will cover it. The insurance is asking her to pay out of pocket and she'll be reimbursed. They are working on a settlement currently and my mom isn't used to doing any home repairs.

Long story my parents never repair homes they basically live in it and consider it disposable (it's a cultural thing trust me sounds nuts but it's true). They finally repaired the roof after it had been leaking for year and my DK1 said "Oh water is everywhere. We need more buckets." It wasn't lack of money but rather my parents just literally have no idea how to even hire people to do home repair. It took my mom 2 years to sell an empty house because she tried to "fix" it up and get just the blinds replaced, carpet replaced and then home cleaned to sell. So put into perspective my parents have lived in the house 25 years and are finally painting it, but the ceiling in two of the bathrooms fell down. And the "painting" of the house has been going on since AUGUST 2015 when we last visited. Because the painter can only paint and repair walls if my mom packs and cleans the house.

Anyway my mom was screaming at me over the phone for not understanding her stress over money. When I pointed out that she makes as much money now as she did working she said that's not the point. The point is that she's having to tap into her retirement funds. She's on a fixed income!!!! I pointed out that retirees who struggle are people who live on only SS! Yes they have a fixed income but it's not the same fixed income as when they were working!!!

She doesn't get it. That retirement money needs to be spent in retirement. That yes you can touch all that money you SAVED for 40 years. We got into it again because my mom yelled about not saving into her Roth IRA yet for 2016. My parents are 85 and 64 and "retired" but my dad works part time at 85 and they are SAVING $13k into a Roth IRA. My mom is still trying to save on her pension. I said why are you saving in a Roth IRA when you are retired? It's for people to use to save for RETIREMENT?

I can't take the ulcer of both sets of parents not spending their money. I want to shake them both. My in-laws are complaining when I said "just blow it on buying the retirement house you want and sell the two story homes you say is difficult to clean." I hear only FEAR.

My mom's answer is "the Roth IRA is for you and the kids." I write this as I slam my head on the table. My MIL says "oh but that retirement money is for when we're really old." I say "aren't you old enough now that you are retired?" MIL "well not really I mean like maybe 90 or 100,".

I don't think either parents wish to spend what they saved for 40 years. What the hell are they doing?????

We don't need it. We don't want it. We're fine. I can't even tell them how fine we are because we have NO job right now. So they are already anxious enough without us telling them we're fine.

I am going to inherit a ton of money. My DH will likely inherit a ton of money. We have a ton of money for retirement saved. But seriously when will either of our parents think enough is enough?

I don't know how to not end up like them. I have a feeling we already are. I think my DH and I will be FI in 5 years or less. In some ways we already are. But my DH has already shown he is interested in providing everything for the kids and has stated he's not retiring for a long time Financially Independent or not. I nudged him a little recently and he said "the kids need college, wedding, maybe grad school, and it'd be nice to give them maybe even a house DP, and we're going to afford it." So he's got this purpose of working because while we might not need it he's got it in his head we're going to give the kids everything.

I don't know how to people who were "born" savers and raised "savers" can even retire because they have enough?

3 Responses to “Even when you have enough”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I think it is hard to change the saver mindset. At times I have issues spending money. But yes, the reason to save for retirement is so you can spend some if needed and maybe if wanted.

    How in the world can they still be putting money in a ROTH? They still have 'earned income'? I did look up that some disability payments can be considered earned income...otherwise I definitely don't get that!!

  2. PatientSaver Says:

    I'm guessing your parents grew up in the Great Depression? That would explain everything.

  3. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    Nope my dad is still working at 85. They have earned income. Lots of earned income. Along with a pension, SS maximum for my dad, my mom has SS from age 62, annuities, and Required minimum distributions from IRAs. So nope they are drawing on stuff and literally not using it.

    PS no my mom is 64 and my dad 85. I have no idea where this is coming from except to want to bash my head on the table. My in-laws are 64 and 65.

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