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debating what to do

April 19th, 2019 at 05:56 pm

The good, the bad, the ugly was about my parents. I'm just pondering what to do. You can't take away people's independence. I'd like to work with my parents and get them involved in their finances a bit more. I'd like to not be handed a mess and have to work through it. I'd like for them to trust me and not feel guilty that we are "investing" wisely for the future.

But at the same time I want to slam my hand on the table and scream why didn't you come to me earlier? Why didn't you tell me that you thought someone was mismanaging your money? Why did you raise me to be independent and smart and tell me all the "right" things to do but then not do it yourself? Why were you embarrassed? Why didn't you let me help you earlier?

Some of it is water under the bridge. There is nothing I can do. If money was lost (and it was) well there is nothing we can do. We might be able to do an audit but I'm not sure what else. I'm also not sure we can recoup anything.

But I can prevent this from happening again. My parents are so old school. My mom acts like having money and talking about it is taboo and huge deal. That telling me anything is a HUGE slight. That she shouldn't need help and until absolutely necessary.

But why? Why when it is the end of the line should people be expected to help? Why expect me to clean up the mess when we're in so deep instead of trying to start now?

I was going home to relax in August with the kids. But now its' really weighing on me. Weighing on me a lot. I'm worried. I need to talk them seriously and my mom said they are willing to sign off on a power of attorney and discuss their wills and trust. I had trouble sleeping when she was here thinking about the fact the SEC fined, banned their previously planner who was fired by merrill lynch. I always thought the gullible ones were like my grandma. I realize now even my parents a bit trusting and gullible.

But I can't take over completely they'd never forgive. I can't take away their self-respect and independence so I have to work with their planner and just keep a firm hand and sharp eye on everything. More work than doing it myself.

I am still a bit bitter. Bitter that my parents are still upset over talking with me, but worried enough to spill the beans because I think my mom knows something went wrong and she doesn't know how to fix it.

A few months ago she tried to take pictures of her papers and send to me but I said I couldn't read it. So i brushed it off. I said later. I didn't want to worry about it. Come to find out I should have. And now I feel guilty. So guilty.

Anyway my DH says there is nothing I can do. I need to stop thinking about it and just go home and deal with everything.

He's also not been honest with me about his parents. His parents are better with money but at the same time there is so many unknowns. I think my DH is going to work forever because I think he worries about our parents and if we need to give them money. Not because they didn't try but because they do something dumb.

I guess it's a good thing we're savers and can afford to help them. They always preached save, no debt, live below your means. Sigh. Now if they had taught us more investing in RE and everything else.

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