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So much to be thankful for and yet...I worry

December 7th, 2014 at 05:32 am

So much has happened since my last post. It was right before Thanksgiving and I was thankful for my family and I still am.

So my DH has three job interviews in California. Two are phone interviews this week but one he's passed on the phone and is flying out in January after the holidays. I am super excited and thrilled. I am however nervous and worried about San Francisco cost of living. But my DH says we'll deal with it when it comes. But honestly this might be it. I've had many highs and many lows, but I think this might be the break we need to move.

Now the low. I knew this day was coming but I didn't know it would happen so soon. My DH told me that he probably has to give up his driver's license and will be declared legally blind. He did not pass his field of vision test at the optometrist and will see his specialist in April though he is trying to move that up ASAP. He wants to know for sure what we are dealing with. His visual acuity is still 20/20 and he still has his vision during the day. And as long as I've know him nearly 15 years his night vision has been poor. But I suppose we both thought he'd be driving until his 50s. His mom has retinitis pigmentosa and still drives at 60. But he won't. I'm worried he'll lose all vision and not see our grandchildren one day.

Talks of having a third child are hard. He's feeling unsure because of this. When we had our first 5 years ago I guess he didn't care because he seemed fine. Now he's worried about the kids.

What does this means? We're not sure. But it means that moving closer to family would probably be helpful. It means that if we were to stay where we are it would also be helpful to move where commuting by public transit is easier for my DH. Where we are is great, but it could be better. It means we will likely be a 1 car family soon. It also means that my DH would prefer to move somewhere that there is more daylight, public transit, and less winter. I don't know what it means working wise. He'll still be able to work for a long time, his mother did. But we'll pay a premium to live very close to his workplace.

Previously I had discussed my DH desire to switch careers. Now more than ever he wishes to get a job working from home. I am unsure what to do about my job. I've always planned to go back part-time, but perhaps full time is better? Can I manage a third child?

Retirement obviously we talked a bit more. My DH does want to us to be Financially Independent sooner rather than later. This is imperative. Of course he will qualify if and when for SS disability. That affects our ability to FIRE. I'm not sure how but I think this means we probably could FIRE now if we wanted to. Majority of our bills would be covered. It's something we have to discuss.

8 Responses to “So much to be thankful for and yet...I worry”

  1. MonkeyMama Says:

    Wow, that is a lot to deal with. I know you all will be fine though. You have certainly prepared well financially.

    I can semi sort of relate with my spouse's loss of hearing, but it's not the same as losing vision. But it continually surprises me what a disability it is, all the same. & I have never heard of having 20/20 daytime vision but night blindness. WOW! I can only imagine how stressful that must be for your spouse. It's hard to imagine anything we value more than our vision.

  2. ThriftoRama Says:

    Hugs. We will be thinking of you. You have a lot to consider. If living where there is transit is an option, I forsee that being a big help to you in your daily life should DH go blind.

  3. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    I realized that we have a lot of talking and planning to do. It does make life interesting. And the other thing I realized is that I'm not sure I will go back to work anytime soon. It does mean that living by family and help might be more important. We need to discuss about SS disability.

    MM do you feel that you husband shouldn't go back to work?

  4. ND Chic Says:

    I'm so sorry to hear this. How much can SS disability pay? I don't think it would be anywhere close to a six figure income. I'm thinking $30,000 a year at the most. Moving closer to public transit sounds good.

  5. MonkeyMama Says:

    LAL - my husband has perfectly fine hearing in one ear and plans to return to work and is perfectly capable of working. I am certainly fine with him working.

    What it is, for us, is that he is really cautious about preserving the hearing he does have and makes him much pickier on the job front. Mostly not wanting to work in any loud environments (which rules out a lot of low-skill work that he could do at this point). & I think many other jobs would be difficult. Of course, if he had to feed his family he could make it work, but being in the position that we don't *need* it at all, it kind of is just another layer on top of the crappy economy here. He doesn't have a lot of motivation to deal with any of it. & I do think once he returns to the workforce he will face a lot of challenges. But will cross that bridge when we come to it. I don't think it's anything he couldn't overcome in an office environment.

  6. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    NDChic, since we are firmly on the path of FIRE very, very early I think SS disbility even $30k/year would pretty much guarantee we could do it now. We are at that point I believe where we would very comfortable in 5 years of my DH working. We would extremely secure and probably posh lifestyle in 10 years. Anything after that is gravy.

    The $30k SS disability would be covering our current mortgage right now. Now if we moved and didn't have a mortgage or a small mortgage then the $30k would cover our living expenses. I think if we had to we could probably live off our savings and not work again. If we get another 5 years of savings = $250k ($50k/year saving ourselves), and then we'd look at expenses which I hope won't explode.

  7. laura/deacon's wife Says:


    My thoughts are: I would support a move anywhere that will help preserve independence and autonomy for your husband. And if a move to the West Coast aligns with functionality for him, I would go and make it work, HCOLA or not. Frugal people have a way of adapting. I've got a husband making nowhere near six figures, and going into service/missions, and we plan to make it work. Mostly because we're not worried about retirement nor education. And it doesn't sound like your husband is planning on never working again, should "retirement" be the aim. And if you do have another child, that factors in. Anyhow, best of luck with your choices. I for one didn't navigate uncertainty well.

  8. snafu Says:

    While my medical knowledge is nil, I wonder about medical options, surgical repair, transplants, replacement, what experiments are currently being funded and future prognosis.

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