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$5k loan followup

May 8th, 2017 at 11:00 pm

I told DH full disclosure. I ended up showing him a few emails and photos and he agreed she needed the money. She retained a lawyer today and was advised not to wait to file for divorce but most as quickly as possible.

Well things are worse than she thought. So she thought it was just cheating Nope. Well she went into their garage and started opening up all the mail they've been ignoring for years. She hasn't paid a bill since 2007 when they got married. They had separate checking and savings accounts and he paid all the bills. So she never bothered to open a bill or inquire how things were going.

Her husband has played her and everyone for a fool. He's built a house of cards spending money he makes as fast as he can and then some. As I've helped organize the paperwork and explained some of the debts I said to her it's time to cut her losses and pray she can get out of this without declaring bankruptcy. But it might already be too late. She is so far in the hole.

The lifestyle she's become accustomed to is too champagne taste for her beer budget. How will she go back and change her mindset? I can see it in the way she handles money now? I can't tell her right now but she needs to realize that the house of cards money even after the divorce won't cut it. Maybe the sale of the house will wipe the slate clean of debts. But the days of going to the grocery store and buying whatever she wants is probably over. I asked her once before how much they spend on groceries and she guessed for a family of 5 about $3k/month. She put down in the budget $2k/month on groceries. That's not counting the eating out, starbucks, take out. We've found receipts for an average of $600/month lunch at her husband's club. That's on top of his eating out daily.

I dare not say the truth, but perhaps she had a suspicion that the lifestyle they were leading was way more than $200k/year. That the spending was so over the top, but she thought they were making enough to cover it. Yes she was saving for retirement but she made much less money. I really wonder how she had no idea they were living an unsustainable lifestyle. Or maybe he has been burning through his inheritance faster than even he imagined.

I don't know but the unpleasantness of the money situation I think will be hard. I can't even fathom how hard this fall will be. Tougher still to realize that he dug them into a deep hole and if not for the hole she might have a chance. I know BK seems irresponsible, but I wonder if it's not the best option in this case? How do you live on a $50k salary when you've been used to 5x that or more?

We'll see how this all plays out. But it turns out that more people than you can imagine are living lifestyles they can't afford. I never dreamed that she would be one of those people.

5 Responses to “$5k loan followup”

  1. Carol Says:

    Oh my goodness! There are no words! But I am glad you told your husband.

  2. AnotherReader Says:

    In your shoes, I would not post such detailed information until the situation has resolved, if at all. From what you have said, there could be criminal behavior involved, and your friend is is at risk. My guess is she would not appreciate such a public discussion of her problem, especially if she can be identified by someone reading this post. I would consider deleting this entry.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    I'm sorry for your friend. It's really hard to fathom. I tend to agree with Another Reader. Better to protect the friend.

  4. Butterscotch Says:

    2-3k/mo on groceries for 5 people? That's insanity. I feel bad for her, but it sounds like she is part of the problem. Even on a 250k income that is an obnoxious amount to spend, especially when you factor in that they eat out and go to Starbucks like you mentioned. I can't wrap my mind around it, maybe because I am a social worker and deal with the hungry every day.

    Also, I had the exact same thoughts as Another Reader.

  5. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    She's been wrapping her head around everything as well. Edited some of the details.

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