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the bystander effect

April 12th, 2016 at 05:00 pm

OMG I feel so embarrassed. I ratted out a nanny. I have never done something like this and I always thought I would. But honestly it's a lot harder than you think when faced with it. I can easily return something but turning someone in for a situation you could be "misjduging" is hard. I understand the bystander effect. I'm hoping that if I will speak up and realize it's okay.

So I was walking with my DKs into a Barnes and Nobles. A boy about 8-9 maybe younger I couldn't tell, was holding a dog and crying outside. He asked me to go in and look for his nanny. I said no, and instead I offered to hold the dog and let him go look for his nanny. I was uncomfortable looking for a woman I had no idea what she looked like.

So we waited with the dog outside. I took a photo of the dogs ID tags with the family's contact information. After they came out we went in and I heard the nanny telling the kid he should have left the dog tied up or in the car. It was his fault. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Torn, I was encouraged to email the mom and I did including the photos of the dog's tags to explain how I got their contact information. I explained the situation and didn't judge just said I had your dog outside a bookstore while your son looked for his nanny.

I received a response that the mom will be investigating the incident because she wasn't aware they had taken the dog out and what happened. I have no idea whether I overstepped and perhaps the nanny has been a long term employee. I feel bad also because I could have been overreacting and cost someone their job.

I write this a bit in guilt torn over maybe getting someone fired and at the same time worried over a kid and potentially an irresponsible nanny.

Trust me I worried about overreacting, considering I had just yelled at my kids for locking me out of the house earlier in the day. My DK2 keeps locking doors driving me nuts as she's locked me in the garage from the house and I've had to go around the house to get back in. So I do worry I was misunderstanding the situation.

I hope either way it works out.

3 Responses to “the bystander effect”

  1. Petunia 100 Says:

    I think you did the right thing. I would definitely want to know if my nanny left my child outside a store unattended while she went in to shop.

  2. Jenn Says:

    You only told the facts as you knew them. If there's a logical explanation, the parents will get it. Let it go now - you didn't do anything wrong!

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    You don't know what the outcome is, and you stated the facts without assuming what was actually going on. Her response to you was appropriate. This nanny could be doing all sorts of things she isn't to be doing, but has convinced the child not to talk. As a parent I would want to know just so I could get clarification and clear on the rules. Worse case, she loses job, but the child is safe. Best case it was a misunderstanding and you just checked on the well being of her child.

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