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Does moving hurt kids?

February 12th, 2016 at 05:39 pm

Does moving hurt kids? Am I not giving my kids to make friends from kindergarten for life? I don't know. But right now I'd say no. The move for us has been good. Our DK2 won't remember where we lived and I can tell our DK1 has only vague memories of specific things that may not really stick.

Is it worth trying to stay put now that we've moved? That means buying a house in the same district. No. We moved and are renting to know the area. Where we are is good but we're not convinced this is the right area for us. The schools are good but the commuting isn't perfect. We knew that when we rented but areas we looked at didn't have anything available. And who knows what might be available when we start to look to buy.

We're not even sure we'll buy this year or rent another year We aren't even sure we'll stay put in this area, perhaps in 4 months a job offer too good to pass up will come along and we'll move again. That will likely mean renting another year and then buying.

Every step in this process we've explained to the kids what we are doing and why. Our DK1 understands we are renting this is not our house and we may not stay in the area. DK1 understands Dad is not working but trying to get a job. DK1 understands why we moved and is happy. Loves the area, misses snow but then was excited to see it when we visited the grandparents and went snowboarding.

I think that military families who move every 3 years probably have a better grasp of moving. I meet a lot of people who are terrified of uprooting their kids even within the same city. Once kindergarten has started they only want to find a house within the district. They feel it'd be too disruptive. People who just moved to the area feel constrained to buy once they've rented and pressured to buy within a year.

I think kids are more flexible than adults. I think it's us as adults that feel this pressure to "settle" down and give our kids what we perceive as stability. We also feel stressed over making new friends and having to develop new relationships.

Have you found it hard to move? I found it super easy without kids. I moved a lot. With kids it's more work but I haven't worried about uprooting the kids. I feel like we're on this adventure to find the place we belong together. It'll all click and we'll be happy. Have you moved often? Was it difficult?

7 Responses to “Does moving hurt kids?”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Well, yes, we have moved often, but personally only as an adult. My oldest daughter saw her moving experiences as positive overall, not to say it wasn't hard. She just figured out that learning to adapt was a skill others her age didn't have.

    It's hard on kids IF they don't have any clue what is going on. You are talking to your kids. We have been talking to our kids. I think likely easier on most kids when they are younger. But kids moving around in foster care...definitely bad.

    Moving is a major life event and should not be diminished. I think an in town move, even if needing to change schools, is still far better and easier than moving to a whole new town. It's culture shock. EVERYTHING is different. I only found comfort in Target when we moved, because it was the only thing that seemed familiar (until I got to the checkout and cashiers weren't familiar).

    I think you are in a transition right now. You'll find your roots once the job situation is clear. And those experiences moving now will help your children if you need to move further down the line.

    I agree that kids are adaptable overall, but it is still a change that is can bring negative feelings. Acknowledging those feelings is key!!

  2. turning a new leaf Says:

    I understand what you are going through. We moved for a job and then decided to move to a different apartment after a year in a near by location due to the rent being lower. The kids seem to make friends regardless, but we are having a harder time. I am trying to join groups in areas of interest/hobbies. I think we worry more than our kids. The fact that you are concerned shows real care for your family so I bet it won't be as bad as you thinkSmile

  3. CB in the City Says:

    As a child and teen, I moved a lot, and it was difficult, especially in the teen years. But I learned a lot, too, and always felt I had more adaptive skills than kids who were rooted to the same town all their lives. I don't think you have to worry about moving a kindergartner; young children adapt very quickly.

  4. PatientSaver Says:

    To be honest, we moved a lot in my growing up years and it was terribly hard. With each move came a new school, not knowing anyone and having to start from scratch building friendships. I hated it. Finally, when I was 10, we moved to the town where I lived long enough to graduate high school, and it was really, really nice to make some close friends.

    I don't have children, but if I did, I would do everything in my power not to do that to my kids. It seems they already have enough challenges to deal with and I wouldn't want to add one more.

  5. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    I moved a lot - both growing up and as an adult. I will say it was a LOT easier to start over / make new friends the younger I was. Once I hit college and started at a new school my Junior year ... it was much more difficult.

  6. MonkeyMama Says:

    We were pretty set on not moving with kids in K-12. We were pretty wide open to anything until our eldest started school. The reason we wanted to stay put though was probably largely based on our personalities: just keeping things simple. I also lived in one house for K-12 and my dh's parents have pretty much never moved. We just wanted to give that stability to our kids. Though that was our reasoning, it's more evolved over the years that we highly value our current school district. It's come up because there are so many more job opportunities back home. We could easily downsize and make it work if we needed to, but I don't know how to fit the "most phenomenal education" into the equation if we move back. All we could probably afford is the complete opposite of the school spectrum. For that, it makes more sense to not even consider until our kids are done with school. We've also discussed moving to LA if the right opportunity came up. That's more of a "will make it work" thing and at least our housing options would be more reasonable.

    Since everyone in our current city is always moving away, we really haven't built any roots here. So from an adult/adaptability standpoint I actually feel pretty *shrugs* about the idea of moving. I think we also feel like it probably doesn't matter quite so much to our kids as we initially thought it might. Since we've did one move once, so successfully, we have always talked about doing another lower cost move. Over time though it's evolved more that maybe we could actually afford to move back. & we have stopped considering moving out of state since being close to our family has become more important to us over time. I am open to whatever, but really only within a few hundred mile radius.

  7. snafu Says:

    We move more than most and found DKs adapted faster than their dad and I. A lot has to do with attitude and whether it's viewed as an adventure and fun or a negative challenge having to 'fit in' to other values. If the family unit is strong and loving and DKs understand what is expected, it seems less traumatic. We found having 'gram' visit soon after a move was a helpful repetition of stability [in spite of the fact that she overturned family rules].

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