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LBYM Part II

July 1st, 2014 at 07:15 pm

I don't mind living below my means, but it's not easy. This is to reiterate to those who are getting out of debt and think afterwards it will be. It's not. I like my life, I don't like where I live.

So I am unhappy. I am unhappy but trying to change the situation. First, when we moved into our townhouse my DH made a deal with me that if we suffered with our old furniture when we moved (back to the west coast) and bought a SFH, we'd buy all the furniture we wanted. He said it doesn't make sense to buy stuff that may not fit or won't be worth shipping in 6 years. Well it's been 9 years and it's hard to still see our same stuff. And yes I've been setting aside money for new stuff. I have $15k saved so far. Delayed gratification for sure. So what do I want?

1. King Size Bed (won't fit up 3rd story staircase, thank you 1880s victorian and no window big enough to shove it through). Our neighbors had to put their king bed on the second floor and suck up a queen to make the hairpoint closed turn on our staircases to the master which was a converted attic.

2. Dining Table - I'll be honest I don't think we could fit a bigger one in our house, so I shouldn't complain.

3. Couch - At least the kids will be older and it won't get as dirty and we may not have dogs at that point.

4. Dressers for us and the kids - ikea used stuff or hand me downs. Kids are also in plastic bins since their closets don't fit real hangers. The closets are too shallow. Maybe even bedroom sets

5. Headboard - for us at least.

6. TV - move our single HDMI tv to our bedroom and get a new family tv. We bought ours when we moved in 2005 and are waiting until we move again.

7. New Grill - DH replaced parts on ours but is also waiting to dump our when we move (he's practicing delayed gratification too). I'm going to get him a grill and tandoori oven he's dreamed about when we move. And install a gas line to his grill ($1k well worth it).

These are a few of the things I've on my list of items to get when we know how big our next house will be. It could all be moot depending on where we live.

So what else am I waiting for? Well to buy a SFH. To see the size and layout. Stuff I want?

1. 3 bd/2ba - I want a master bath or space to install one if it's only 3/1.5ba. Older capes make it impossible.
2. garage attached if possible, detached is okay.
3. patio/deck where we can sit and have a grill. Current deck adequate to have grill and smoker but not much space else. I think it's 5x5.
4. yard - potential to be fenced, more than 5000 sq ft, preferably above 10000 sq ft and no more than 1 acre.
5. basement - potential to be playspace for kids, or family room for kids.
6. Under $1M.

That's it. Move in ready would be awesome but some work is fine. I'd like to be able to make it energy efficient, but as long as it's 1960s and newer i'll be satisfied. I know the wiring will work, there will be insulation, and we won't have to deal old homes. I HATE charm now. I don't even care what style is it, just as long as it's 2000 sq ft and in good shape.

So things on my list I want now but am "earning" with extra money, and have considered buying. FWIW, my DH never says no. Actually he tells me all the time if I want something buy it. I usually don't shop and spend so if I want something I probably have looked at deals and considered it a long time.

1. Dyson DC59 $549, used to be on my when we move list, but I'm tired of vacuuming and sweeping so much and not being satisfied with our really old vacuum.
2. Wustof knives - debating buying set or each piece at a time, opinions? I have a great set of calphalon cookware that I use DAILY. Best investment ever. I want the same out of my knives. Any other brands to check out?
3. Le Crueset Dutch Oven - borrowed my neighbors a few times this year. Considering Staub as well.
4. Slow cooker - got mine in 2000 for $10 black friday. I have a really small one and need a bigger one. Is the all clad worth it?
5. Cookie sheets - can't decide between sheets and mat.

So I have a couple of things I can get now and earn. But the majority of stuff it just makes sense to wait. But it is hard to feel like life is "on hold." And you are waiting for it to happen and start.

10 Responses to “LBYM Part II”

  1. ND CHIC Says:

    You just seem so unhappy...

    You could buy a nice house like that in the Midwest for $200,000. Where are you thinking of moving?

  2. Another Reader Says:

    You are a dissatisfied, unhappy person. None of the material things you want will make you happy. You need to look elsewhere for that.

  3. Another Reader Says:

    Your life is not "on hold." It is being lived, every day. You have kids and they grow and change every day. Saying you have nothing to show for what you have chosen to do so far is ridiculous. You have a family, a town house, and more material possessions than most people on the planet.

    The things you obsess about - the big house, the post-doc, the household goods - are all choices that you have made or will make. Not having these things does not put your life "on hold."

  4. My English Castle Says:

    Man, people are mean. I think you're thinking things through. p.s. Get the Wusthof knives--they're fabulous and continue to hold an excellent edge. And I love my Dyson. I'm sure I'm vapid and materialistic :-) but a good vacuum is a joy forever.

  5. CB in the City Says:

    I have a Dyson, too, and never regretted purchasing it.

    I have had times in my life, too, when I felt like I was "on hold" but now that I look back I realize I was growing and learning and having valuable experiences even though I was not acknowledging them. Be sure to focus on the moment. Keeping a gratitude journal might help you, too.

  6. MonkeyMama Says:

    Having been there, I will say living in a high cost region is pretty miserable. It's not one simple black or white thing. IT's just the compounding of everything. As such, I can relate to your plight. I wish you luck as you muddle through all the grey, for what is best for your family. I know very few people who lifted their heads out of the sand and made a change. But of those people who did make a change I don't know one who has regretted it.




  7. ceejay74 Says:

    I relate to the feeling of being "on hold." Yes, they're just material things, but material things affect your physical space and can thus affect your emotional well-being. But to CB's point, try and focus on the things in your current life you ARE happy with. Here in MN, summer is so short, so even though I'm feeling impatient and "on hold," I keep reminding myself to enjoy the summer, look around and appreciate the warm weather and clear streets and light clothing. Cooking with fresh, seasonal ingredients. Attending free community events and seeing how happy we all are during our fleeting summer. Simple pleasures while I wait for some of these bigger creature comforts that I can't get just yet.

    I try to look ahead with happy anticipation, and not try to feel miserable with where I am right now. But there have been moments. Hopefully you can pull out of it and appreciate where you are right now, while dreaming of the even nicer things to come.

    Good luck!

  8. LuckyRobin Says:

    I think maybe it is your dreams that are on hold, not your life. Sometimes it is very hard to see the difference. That is something I can relate to. It just feels like not moving forward, even though I am a little. So are you. You've got some savings that is heading you towards those goals you want. I try to make my day to day as good as it can be, even though I am not currently where I want to be and I don't have all of the things that I'd like to have to make things a bit easier or nicer. Maybe just a few small things are needed right now to improve your life enough to feel like you are not so on hold.

  9. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    ND Chic I'll write more about that in a post today probably.

    AR Sorry I am not materialistic. NOT by a long shot. I'll have to explain the post later.

    My English, thanks I will. I'm working on earning them because these are pretty pricey items to buy no matter what you make I feel.

    CB thanks I'll keep that in mind about moving forward. I'm trying to change our paradigm and it's not easy. I am making moves that will pay off I hope in the long run.

    MM gets it. Leaving HCOLA is not easy nor fast. It could be without jobs, the fastest way to sink is to not have a job where I live.

    CJ I do enjoy just sitting out and enjoying time with the kids. This is probably the only space I can truly express my feelings. I am not in the mood to defend them in real life yet.

    robin, I try to think about if what I am doing can lead me to where I want to be.

  10. scfr Says:

    I like my Global knives. I have 3, and they were purchased over the course of several years not all at once.

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